Over A Boy Like You

There was a time, a long, long time ago, when I would have blindly fell in love with you. I would have trusted your intentions and never thought you’d have ulterior motives. There was a time when I would have been crushed by the realization of the truth behind those colorless eyes of yours. I would have cried over you, even though we had never officially became anything more than friends, and I would have spent days wondering why you led me on the way you did or did you just not know the way I felt? But all of that was a very long, long time ago. A time when I was still naïve enough to shed tears over something like that. Over a boy like you.

Though I do admit that you might have been worth those tears if I had still been the way I once was. And that in itself is the largest complement I could give you. But its now and not then. Now I am intelligent enough to know that, excluding a minuscule minority of 0.2%, all boys have untrustworthy intentions and some form of an ulterior motive. I have not fully believed a word you have said about me or yourself and I knew from the start, even though deep down in my heart of hearts I hoped it was not true, that you either had two-faced reasons or sincerely did not feel the touch of a connection I felt. I have not cried over you and I do not wonder why this or why that, because I am not naïve enough to shed even a single watery traitor over something like that. Over a boy like you.

Though I have admitted that I actually ever felt the slightest sliver of unfettered yearning to have something more with someone like you that does not mean I ever thought you deserved it. I know my genuine worth like I know that the sky is unquestionably blue. And since I know this I know you, in fact, do not deserve even a sad expression from me. You won’t ever even know the difference between when I was contemplating sharing beauty with you and now as I am only thinking of you as a friendly acquaintance who I can hold a good conversation with and happens to partake in similar interests as I.

This may all sound as though I am horribly in denial or that I actually wish that I could feel the way I would many years ago about him, even if it was just for the sake of feeling. But in utmost honesty I have closed the door and all I need now is a small confirmation to flip the lock.