Roses and Butterflies

Ellarie’s Point of View.

“Mommy,” Gabriella said after she finished eating, “Can I go and look at the view of the ocean?” She asked. “It looks really pretty and it’s been telling me to go there ever since we got our seats.”

I swallowed my food, and dabbed my mouth with a napkin. “Sure, Gaby. Just don’t go off too far, alright?” She nodded and ran off. Even though she was just three years old, she’s very smart for her age. I’m not saying that just because I’m her mother, but I’m saying that because she really is bright. And if she keeps this up, who knows how smart she’ll be when she’s older?

“…is very smart,” Wes said, pulling me back to reality.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. “Sorry about that; I sort of spaced off.”

He rolled his eyes. “Same old Ellarie,” He muttered. “As I was saying, Gabriella is smart and all, but I don’t think that letting her off on her own is very smart.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you questioning my parental skills, Mr. Ian?”

Wes shook his head. “No, it’s just that I don’t think it’d be very smart for a three year old to be wandering about on her own. You don’t know the kinds of people she’ll meet. What if someone tries to take her away or something? Then where would we be?”

I rolled my eyes. “Gabriella is doing perfectly fine, thank you very much. We’re not some frail and weak girls begging for food and money on the side of the rode,” I said harshly. “So don’t treat us like it. Wes, you of all people should know I hate being told what to do now.”

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take good care of myself now.” I stated.

He smiled weakly. “I know you can. It’s just---“

“Save it,” I cut him off. I stood up angrily and went off to find Gabriella. We were going home, even if I have to walk it.

“Ellie, babe!” He called after me.

I turned around at him, my eyes like daggers. He cringed. “Back off. I’ll speak to you when I don’t feel like ripping your testicles off.”

Who does Wes think he is? He should be judging my way of parenting. Did he used to volunteer at an orphanage to help children? Was he pregnant when he was freaking eighteen?! Was he abandoned by his dad when he found out he was pregnant?! NO! So he doesn’t have a goddamned right to tell me how to raise my child.

So maybe I am overreacting, pissy, unreasonable, but I don’t care! I’m too problematic as it is, and I don’t need Wes to add to it. I walked to the glass windows, in search of my daughter.

I spotted the familiar brown head of hair near the end of the window, talking to someone. I snuck a bit close to get a closer glimpse of who the person was. He looked strangely familiar… Dark brown hair, the shape of his lips, the color of his mesmerizing eyes… It was… “Gabriel,” I said the same time someone said “Gabriella.” I looked, and saw Janine.

“You’d better tell him,” She mouthed.

“I’m working on it,” I mouthed back.

Gabriel and Gabriella’s heads turned to us. So long as Gabriella didn’t scream mommy and run to me, I could put off telling Gabriel the truth until our next encounter. Too bad luck is not on my side tonight.

Gabriella decided to be a child right now and ran to me, shouting, “Mommy!” She threw herself at me, and I caught her in my arms and carried her. “Mommy, mommy! I made a new friend today! His name is… is…” She turned to Gabriel. “I’m sorry Mister, but what’s your name?”

“Ask your mommy,” Gabriel said through gritted teeth.

“Gabriel, don’t be difficult,” Janine warned.

Gabriella looked up at me with questioning eyes. “Who is he?” She asked, instead of the question “What’s his name?” which is the one I’d rather hear.

“He’s… he’s… he’s…” My voice trailed off. Janine glared at me, but I only looked down.

“Ellarie, you’d better spit it out soon. It’s the perfect opportunity; don’t let it slip away.” I didn’t respond. “If you don’t do it, I will,” Janine threatened.

My head shot up and I looked at her through worried eyes. “You promised me a month!” I objected.

“What the hell is going on here?!” Gabriel asked, exasperated. He stepped closer to me.

“Mommy, who is he?” Gabriella asked.

“Tell me!” He came closer.

“Mommy, spit it out!”

“WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Gabriel roared, right in front of us.

The entire restaurant turned silent. All eyes were focused on us. And I was more nervous than ever before. I didn’t know what to do, or how to say this. Hell, I didn’t even plan out what to say before months end. All I know is that now, I’d have to tell him the truth. And there’s no turning back.

“Janine,” I whispered, loud enough for her to hear. “Watch Gabriella; I’ll tell him.” I turned to Gabriel. “Follow me,” I said, and walked out the door near the window to go to the beach. I didn’t bother checking to see if Gabriel followed me or not because I’m pretty sure he did. If he really wanted to know what the hell was going on, of course.

I further down, over the sand and near the water. I slipped off my heels and walked into the ocean, until the water reached my knees. I turned back to see if Gabriel was here. He was. “The sky looks beautiful, doesn’t it?” I asked, staring up at the starry sky.

“Stop stalling,” Gabriel said, seeing through my distraction.

I turned to look at him. “Join me; then I’ll tell you,” I bargained.

He nodded and slipped off his shoes, socks, jeans, and jacket. He made his way towards me with a non-amused expression. “Quit the games, Ellarie, and tell me what the hell this is all about!” He shouted.

I stepped back, flinching at the tone and aggression of his voice. “I don’t know where to start,” I said, defeated. I put my head in my hands and tears leaked from my eyes. “I don’t know how to do this!” I sobbed.

Gabriel put a hand on my shoulder and brought me in for a hug. “The beginning would be a good place,” He said. “Or you could just spit it out,” He shrugged. “Either way works, really. Unless it’s big news; I’d prefer you start from the beginning.”

“I guess I’m starting from the beginning,” I muttered under my breath, wiping my eyes.

“What was that?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I pulled away from the warm embrace and looked up at him. “Do you remember… the day you left me?” I asked, cringing at the memory. It was one of the most potent memories in my mind.

Gabriel nodded. “I remember, but I’m not following…”

I walked around him, the water rippling around my legs. “And… remember when I said ‘And if I tell you I was pregnant?’” I asked.

He nodded again. “But… you said… it was… a joke.”

“I lied.”

Gabriel’s Point of View.

“I lied,” Ellarie said. She… Lied? “I’m so sorry,” She said, putting her hand on my arm.

I flinched at her touch. “Why’d you lie?” I asked.

She thought for a while, but said nothing.

”Well?” I pressed.

“Because I thought you wanted to go. I didn’t want to keep you if you didn’t want to be with me. I didn’t want to be selfish and keep you because I wanted you. It wouldn’t have been fair.” Ellarie answered.

I hit my head with my palm. “Why couldn’t you have tried harder and hold me back?!” I shouted, getting a bit angry. She was way too nice for her own good. “I might have just stayed if I’d known.”

“But that wouldn’t be fair to you!” She argued. “It was you who wanted to go! It was you who packed up your bags! And it was you who left, even though I was practically on my KNEES begging you not to leave me.” More tears trailed down her cheeks as she reminded me of the pain I caused her. “So you have no RIGHT to tell me that I didn’t try hard! I tried my fucking best, but it wasn’t good enough for you!”

“You should have tried harder.” I said, though I knew she tried her hardest. I just didn’t know what to say.

Ellarie slapped me. “I tried my fucking hardest! But even though I did, you still left. You were the one thing I tried hard to keep. The one thing I actually tried my best for. But you still left me.” She said. “This is why I don’t try at all. All my efforts have always been for nothing.

“I waited at least a week for you to come back. I kept telling myself that you’d come back and sweep me off my feet like they do in the movies, but you never came for me! I got so sick and tired of waiting for someone that was never going to come back for me. So I left you a note, that house, and the memories I had of you and me together.

“Do you have any clue what I had to go through when you left?! I had no where else to go, so I went to mum and father. Do you have any idea what happened to me there?! Father DISOWNED me! Just because I was pregnant and without a husband. Then a few weeks later, he called me and said he’d let me back into the family if I aborted out child.”

I stiffened. “And did you?” I asked, worried.

“No. I could never do that to our baby.”

I sighed in relief. “That’s good to hear.”

We stood far apart from each other in silence. I didn’t know what I should do. Do I go up to her and hug her? Or do I just stay here and let her make the first move? I contemplated my two choices, then decided on one. I’d do both.

I stepped closer to her, but she stepped back. “Why’d you leave me?” She asked quietly.

I stood there, dumbstruck for a moment. Finally, I answered. “Because of Lisa.”

“What does she have to do with anything?” Ellarie asked venomously.

“She lied to me. She told me she was pregnant, and blamed her kid on me---“

“’Blamed her kid on me?!’ Gabriel, how could you say that?!” She yelled. “That was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to tell you about our child! I didn’t want to tie you down with our baby. You would have probably ditched me, saying you couldn’t take the pressure I was putting on you.”

I cringed. Knowing me back then… I probably would have left her. I would have stayed for the nine months, then once the baby popped out and started bawling it’s eyes out, I’d probably be so fed up I’d ditch her. But not anymore.

“See! You have NOTHING to say to that! Meaning you would have left me when the going goes tough.” She stated.

“Look, I won’t deny it---“

“And you admit it!”

I put my hands on her shoulders and shook her gently. “Listen to me, alright?!” I shouted. She nodded. I took my hands back and ran them through my hair. “I won’t deny that I might have left you when it gets tough for me, but I know I would have came back.” I said. “I know I would have because I love you too much to let you go…”

“But I don’t love you anymore,” Her voice faltered in the end, signaling she was lying. Even though it was a lie, it still hurt.

“That’s a lie.” I said, walking towards her. I walked around her, pausing at on shoulder. “You still love me,” I walked over to her other shoulder, “You’re just too mad to admit it.” I walked in front of her. “But don’t worry, I know how you really feel.”

“You don’t know me at all.” She said quietly. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to hear that or not, but I let it slide.

“Let’s get out of the water. It’s freezing.” I said.

Ellarie nodded and looked down. We got out and I slipped on my jacket and pants, even though I was still wet. Then I remembered. In the midst of our fighting, I forgot to ask her the most important question of the night. “Where’s our baby?” I asked.

She looked up at me. “You just met her tonight.”

I thought for a moment. She couldn’t mean---“Pigtails?”

She semi-smiled. “Her name is Gabriella.”

“Gabriella,” I repeated to myself. That sounded familiar… “Hey! Was she… named after me?”

This time, Ellarie smiled. “Yes. I wanted to give her a part of her father, even though he wasn’t there.”

I smiled brightly and hugged her. “Thank you!” I shouted, lifting her up and spinning her. “Thank you so much!”

“Woah!” She shouted. I put her down and kissed her.

It wasn’t planned, or anything; it was purely a spur-on-the-moment kind of thing. Best part about it: she kissed me back.

This night was turning into a night to remember.

“Stop!” Ellarie said, breaking away from our kiss. “I’m dating Wes!”

Then I grabbed my shoes off the ground, and made my way back to the restaurant.