Gravity's Rainbow

“Man, you’re lucky to have a single dorm,” Zack mused as I shut the door behind us. He circled around the space meant for two before plopping down on my desk chair. I watched from the corner of my eye as he took in the pictures I had pasted to the wall around my desk; pictures of me and my parents, of my friends back in New York, and one picture I had printed from the internet of All Time Low. “Wait, is that us?” He questioned with a smirk on his face. I nodded as I began to adjust my messy bed, knowing that it was just so I would have something to do with my hands. I could see that Zack had fished through my desk and grabbed a red sharpie, and was in the process of drawing a heart around his face in the image on my wall.

“You’re going to make me look like an idiot,” I said, sitting down on my bed. Zack chuckled before standing up and walking towards the bed. I moved closer to the wall, letting him stretch himself out on the bed that was clearly made for one person. I allowed him to wrap his arm around me, burying my face in the crook of his neck. We lay there in silence for a few moments, with him staring at the ceiling and me wondering when I was going to wake up from this dream.

“You’re having a good time at college, though, right?” He asked out of the blue, catching me off guard by a bit. I shifted my position, allowing myself to still have his arm around me waist, but was now able to look him in the eye; which I couldn’t do for long.

“Yeah,” I muttered, “Of course.”

I heard Zack sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t come all the way to Chicago for you to lie to me, Paisley.” I stiffened slightly, though didn’t move any further away from Zack.

“I just…” I began, my voice trailing off before I picked it back up again. “My parents spent so much money so I could come here, even with the scholarships, that I don’t want to complain about it… complain about being lonely, and stuff. I mean, even you gave me so much money!” I cried, feeling both embarrassed and relieved at the same time.

“I didn’t give you that much money,” Zack responded softly, rubbing large circles on my lower back.

“Since when is six hundred dollars for books not a lot of money?” I scoffed, picking at my cuticles.

“It’s not when you just got back from headlining a European tour, alright? But seriously, Paisley, it’s okay to be unhappy at college. You’re only eighteen, and this is a big thing in your life.”

“No one else is lonely,” I muttered, continuing to pick at my cuticles until Zack swatted my hand away. I saw a small drop of blood drip out from the patch of newly exposed skin.

“Now look what you’ve done,” he scolded. “You’ve made yourself bleed.”

“I’ve been doing that a lot lately,” I responded in a hushed tone. He looked at me strangely before pulling my hand up to his eye. Sure enough, he saw the multiple small scabs that I had inflicted along the edges of my nails. It was a nervous habit.

He whispered just as quietly, “You have to stop doing that. You’re going to get infections.” I merely just shrugged before burying my face back in the crook of his neck. The room was silent for a moment, before he asked, “Do you want me to stay here tonight?”

“Yes,” I responded meekly. A part of me still shuddered at the idea of closing my eyes and not being able to find him when I woke up. I could feel him kiss the top of my head lightly and pull me in closer to him.

“Then I will,” he said. “I’ll have to leave early tomorrow, though.”

“I have class at 9:30, so I’ll skip it so I can be with you.” That seemed like a fair deal to me. This was the first time I had seen Zack in months – why shouldn’t I take the day off and spend it with him?

“No,” he stated. “You’re not missing class.”

“C’mon, Zack,” I whined, sitting up a bit. “It’s not even a big deal.”

“Your education’s a big deal – don’t play it off like it isn’t. You’re not missing class just to be with me.” I admired his interest in my life, but I was eighteen years old, and he was my boyfriend. Shouldn’t he be relishing in my insistency to spend time with him?

“You didn’t go to college,” I retorted, and Zack just rolled his eyes.

“You’ve had some pretty bad comebacks in the past, Paise, but that one is really the worst,” Zack teased lightly.

“Fine,” I responded, exasperated from the small argument. “But starting at 11:00 when my class is over, we’re spending the entire day together.”

“Fine,” he said, causing me to smile. “Now seriously, Paisley, it’s like 3:30 in the morning and you have class in like five hours. Get to sleep.”

Feeling more comfortable, I cuddled closer into his side. “Thank you,” I added softly.

“For what?”

“For always being there for me. And for knowing what’s best for me. And for coming all the way to Chicago just to see me.” I paused, and then continued, “Thank you for everything.”