Gravity's Rainbow

Trying to pay attention during my creative writing class was nearly impossible. Just knowing that outside my class Zack was waiting for me, it made me want to both laugh from happiness, and sweat from anxiety. My foot continually tapped from my current emotional state, and I had to force myself to stop checking my watch.

I woke up early this morning to see Zack gathering his things. He explained that he had some friends he wanted to see while I was in class, not to mention he needed a hotel room because he couldn’t keep crashing in my dorm. I understood completely, but seeing him walk out of my room still made me feel uneasy.

Still, I don’t know why I was even worried. The moment I stepped out of my class and into the bright sunlight, Zack was waiting there. He looked a lot better than he did last night: well rested and showered. I sprinted into his embrace, relishing in the feeling of his arms around me.

“How was class?” He asked, once I had let go of him.

“Eh,” I muttered, adjusting the strap of my bag. “It would have been better if you let me skip it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he responded with an eye roll. “So where’d you want to take me? Where do all the cool university students hang out?”

I chuckled softly, “I thought we could go to the park, if that’s alright with you. This is the first sunny day we’ve had in a week.”

“Sounds good,” he said with a nod. I glanced down at his hand as we crossed the street, and when he wasn’t paying attention I grabbed it in mine. Zack looked down at me and smiled. The beginning of the walk was quiet, with Zack having a nice look around the park and me admiring the feel of his hand in mine. As we wandered further in, a cool breeze picked up, and I made an executive decision: today was the best day ever. “Would you ever want to come to California and visit me?” Zack questioned, and I cocked my head.

“Well, yeah, but I don’t really want to impose or anything…” I wasn’t sure why, but something about our relationship didn’t feel… normal. Normal relationships didn’t happen like ours did, and there was something about actually being with Zack that I wasn’t comfortable just yet with.

“Impose?” He repeated with a laugh. “Because me showing up at your school unannounced wasn’t imposing?”

I smiled softly, mostly to myself but I think Zack saw it, too. “I wouldn’t want to… cramp your style, or anything.”

“Paisley, c’mon,” he responded with an exasperated sigh. “Quit being all ‘oh, I’m such a burden – oh, people don’t want to be around me.’ People want to be around you!” Zack stopped walking abruptly. “I want to be around you!”

“I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, really,” I insisted, reaching back out for his hand. “If you want me to come to California then I’ll go.” But Zack just sighed.

“I only want you to come if you want to come,” he murmured. I opened my mouth to respond, but closed it. I did want to go to California, right? Or was this all just moving a bit too fast? Zack must have taken my silence as my disinterest, and his eyes went wide. “You don’t want to come and see me?”

“No, no, I never said that!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, you never said anything,” retorted Zack, who had by now pulled his hand away from mine.

“Zack,” I began, not knowing exactly where I was going to take the conversation. But it didn’t matter, because Zack was already making his way towards the nearest park bench. In silence I sat down next to him, watching from the corner of my eyes as he ran his hands through his hair.

If this had been a normal relationship, I would have assumed it was out of frustration. But I didn’t know for sure. I didn’t know any of his mannerisms, any of his habits. I felt like there was a part of him that I didn’t know anything about.

A few minutes passed, and finally Zack sat up straight, though he still had yet to look me in the eye. “What were we even fighting about?” I asked quietly, more to myself, but Zack took it upon himself to answer.

“I don’t know.” He turned towards me. “I really want you to come out to California, Paisley, and I’m not just saying that.”

“Alright,” I answered, adding a bit more enthusiasm to my voice than was actually there. His face seemed to brighten up instantly, and I knew I had made the right choice in accepting his offer.

Besides, if I wanted to get to know him on a more… physical level (and I didn’t just mean sexual) then I was going to have to spend actual time with him, right?