Chequered Nettle

Again, I waited in the white room. Was it a success? I don't know. I went in there, unsure of what they could want. The only thought in my mind was to be better than that idiot. I think the song I picked reflected how I was feeling at the moment. I looked up from my lap at Evan, who was shooting me an evil glare. I smiled. I couldn't appear unsure. If he saw any sign of hesitation, he would claw at me at the first sign of weakness. The song I picked would just have to do.

The only one of us that seemed sure of what he had preformed was Mike. He chattered on aimlessly, talking of how impressed they seemed. Him talking of how good he did made me want to punch his face in. I didn't realize how much I wanted to do this until I felt it slowly flitter away from me. Now I felt like I had to fight for it every fiber of my being. Was it because I really wanted it, or because I knew that others wanted it? I wasn't sure.

The only thing I was sure about was wanting to crush Evan's every hope.

It didn't take long before the same people from before came in. All of them; Ira, Seth, Nathan, and Duke. Nathan, who came behind Seth and Ira, missed the door and Ira had to go reach out and grab him before he wandered off onto another room. Nathan smiled and said, "Thought you following me."

"You were behind us, dude." Ira explained.

The last person to come in was Duke. He walked in first as though he had a set goal in his mind. Something he had to prepare himself to do. I saw this and I felt the shackles of that chained up hate begin to creak under the weight of impending release.

"I apologize for making you wait for quite some time. Deliberations between us were heated at best." Duke started but was quickly interrupted by the blond at his left.

"Quit making them suffer and tell my guy you picked 'em already so they can leave." He said it so carelessly. Mike or Evan. I wasn't even in their considerations. Obviously.

Next to me I could feel Evan's arrogance filling the room. Getting into every nook and cranny, and making it impossible to breathe. Me, bound in chains, and he an inquisitor holding a whip over my head, ready to strike. All I could hope for now was for Mike to get chosen instead. At least then, Evan wouldn't have complete satisfaction.

"No man, he's picking my chick. Right Duke?" Ira quickly responded as he lightly shoved Duke on the shoulder. With those simple words Ira removed the whip from Evan's hand. Now it was I holding Evan hostage, his very being dangling on whatever choice was made this moment.

"I know who it is I'm picking." Duke responded. His voice was quiet but everyone in the room heard it. This was it. The moment where I would triumph over them. By the way Ira smiled I knew this to be true. Duke scanned over the people in the room before saying, "And who I'll pick is none of you."

The room became silence. That thick tension that stopped time. Mouths were moving, but nothing was said. People moved, but they didn't go anywhere. What I had worked up myself to. I didn't get it. It was their way of messing with me. Making me believe things that weren't true. Thats why hated them, now I remembered.

"What." I said slowly. Something churned inside me, like the gears of a clock; slowly struggling to continue on.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time." He said at last before turning and walking out. Everyone was stunned, even those who Duke had come in with. They couldn't say anything to dispute him.

"uh." was all they said before hesitantly leaving after him. Seth was the only one with decent courtesy to point us to the door.

After they left, I was the first to move. The first to leave and slam the door shut behind me. I heard arguing in another room, but I was done. I had to get out of that house, and as far away from that white room as I could. Once the cool air of the outside world hit my face did I stop.

What was it that I do wrong? That makes them push me aside in favor of someone else. I headed to the bus stop but stopped before I made any real distance. I couldn't face the people in Delane yet. Not yet.

I stayed outside, sitting on the side of the road by a mailbox. I saw Evan and Mike exit the house both of them just as disheartened as the other. I remained there so long, I lost track of how long I had stayed there; just thinking.

What was it that made me so undesirable? Was it my rotten personality? I think not. Since I didn't have it back then when I was with him. Maybe now, thats what it was that made me undesirable, but not before. It was that one single event that changed me so much, ruining any possible opportunity at ever begin thought of as desirable. That one event. Now I dealt with the repercussions.

The sun set and darkness fell. The street light above me didn't turn on. Since I hardly moved, the motion sense didn't catch me. In the dark I could think better. Darkness always made me think. Eventually I saw Seth and Nathan leave together in the shiny black car. As they pulled away music blared and I could faintly hear laughter in the background.

As I looked down the road and the black car disappeared into the darkness I heard a roar of a machine. Looking back at the house I saw someone, already helmeted, on the yellow motorcycle. It only took him a moment before he sped off the road in the opposite direction the car had gone.

They were gone. I realized now, that I needed resolve. I needed to know why. One of these people had to have the answer. Then, I saw the last person who could give me this answer. The last of these people. Duke Halstead, waking out of the building and heading towards the If anything, it was he who had finality, and he who had Xed me out.

I wasn't thinking. I let my desire to know lead me. "You!" I shouted coming out of the darkness like black panther breaking it's stalk for the final lunge that would gain it the kill. He turned but it wasn't fear that was etched onto his face and that made me halt my charge just before him.

"You've been waiting out here all along?" was all he said, more concerned with getting an answer for the question he just asked. I had thought his hair was brown before. Now seeing him up close, it's blonde.

"Tell me!" I was quick demand to my answer. He didn't say anything. An obnoxious blank stare was on his face. "You said it yourself, you wasted my time, I think I deserve to know what I did wrong."

He paused for a moment. But only for a moment. It wasn't that he was thinking what to say. He already knew. The only question that lingered in his mind was whether to say it or not. I could see it on his face. He was judging me. Wondering how I would react. He gauged me, just like he did in that little room. In the end, I suppose he decided to tell me what was on his mind.

"When you sang today, I could only feel one thing from you; Rage. It was like I wasn't even listening to the same person from before." he said, not an ounce of emotion on his voice. Just as cold and expressionless as he was. Even under a maddening glare, he did not flinch. "I have hope for you. Just work on it, someday you might get it."

Just like them. Trying to make themselves appear less of an animal using petty words. They use their words like weapons that can slay the weakest girls. But I'm on another tier now. Never again will I be slayed by such a thing.

"Why is it that you people never want girls like me?" I started, thinking not of what had happened to me today, but what had happened in the past. To me and to others. "You want me go to you, but never to stay. Why!?"

"You just weren't it." he said so dismissively, so simply something inside me churned.

Was it impossible for guys like him to ever stop using others? Were girls like the one I used to be destined to fall prey to these men? Were we just supposed to bow down before them as the supreme ones? Could I ever be what they wanted to keep?

Guess there was only one way to find out.

"I can be. Just teach me." I said and he smiled.