Chequered Nettle

I didn't see Logan after that night. It just made it worse, since after that night, I wanted to be with him more than ever. He had reciprocated my feelings, surely he wanted to see me too. Yet he was too busy at the studio. With all the new material I had given him I knew he would be busy making it his own. I just didn't think he would all out ignore me again.

"Sug, you hear?" Sue asked rather ecstatic about something. Sue Hill was my boss, she had inherited the bed and breakfast when her elderly parents passed a few years back. I didn't have the luxury to meet the couple who had provided me with a job, but their portrait was plastered over the mantle in the lounge.

I saw Sue as the closest thing I ever had to an elder sister. Along with Teddy, she helped me through my eating disorders about a year ago. Sue had bright blond hair which she kept in what she called a large beehive that she maintained with an almost obsessive care. With her hair, she also took constant care of her two inch nails which were always painted with fantastic designs. She once had a tiny miniature of her parent's portrait painted on her thumb.

For some reason Sue preferred to work along with the employees even though she didn't need to. I think it was because during our years together, all of the employees at the bed and breakfast had grown so close. Sue just wouldn't bare it if she ever had to act like a boss to us.

"What were you saying? I kinda spaced out." I said still to dazed by that night. We were on a break and were allowed to lounge around for thirty minutes before having to work again. Straight after school, I'm supposed to clean up my share of the rooms - there was a total of seventeen in the mansion like house - before working in the kitchen helping cook the food. My next shift would be in the diner.

Along with Sue there was a multitude of people at the bed and breakfast whom I had grown attached to over the years. Most of them girls since the bed and breakfast was renowned for hiring only female employees. Even if I was the youngest of the bunch, these people, they were the only family I had left, other than Logan.

"Kara you been doing that a lot today. You alright?" Terra asked who happened to be taking her break with us. Other than Sue, there was one other person who I relied on the most. Her name was Terra Strong, she was my best friend, and the closest to my age with a two year difference. She was the one who got me my job interview at the bed and breakfast almost two years ago.

"Yeah I'm fine." I smiled earnestly. I thought about telling her, but I knew with Sue here I couldn't. She would surely murder me, chop me up, and feed me to the guests. Well that was the threat she always used anyway.

"Anyway." Sue interjected. "Tallis Spry's comin' into town to record a song here! Ain't that exciting?" She explained. I searched my brain for the name, and came across that pretty pop country singer that was so popular. However, country wasn't my style. My only style was Via Purifico.

"Really!? We should try and get her to sign something!" Terra, however, was a huge Tallis Spry fan. "Kara, we have to meet her!" she said to me when she meant to say 'I' instead of 'we'.

Terra was the only person in the bed and breakfast who knew of my close connection to Via Purifico. What she didn't know, however, was that I lived with Logan, and that I wrote most of the songs of their first album. She didn't know how close we really were. I knew if I let Sue know that I lived alone with a boy - let alone a famous one - she would force me to move out and live at a hotel or something.

"She's so fabulous." Terra sighed. She had a strong taste for fashion. Unfortunately, she didn't have the paycheck to afford her favorite designers. She managed to teach herself how to use a sewing machine like an expert and recreated the clothes she saw in magazines to the last stitch. Terra was able to create inexpensive knock offs to feed her fashion hunger.

"We can try and find her. What studio is she recording in?" I asked Sue, who was a huge country fan, but didn't quite like Tallis Spry - only mentioning her for Terra's sake - for her recording location. Outside of the country music scene, I doubted Sue listened to any other genres so she wouldn't know who Via Purifico was.

"I hear she's down at the WMG studio workin' a collaboration with some other artist, or somethin' like that." Sue tried to remember. On hearing her words, I suddenly began to worry.

WMG was Logan's label, and he was recording at the moment too. Did that mean he was planning to use Tallis Spry on one of his songs? He couldn't do that, it would completely ruin any of his songs. More importantly, it would ruin his musical style. Country pop, and alternative rock didn't mix well. I'm sure Logan knew this too. Then what was her reason for being there.

An envious seed was planted deep in my heart. Tallis Spry was very pretty indeed. Every time I saw her on the television, she always seemed so sweet and kind. She hardly looked stupid, despite all those blond cliches. Tallis Spry was exactly the type of girl Logan usually went for; talented, intelligent, beautiful. I was hardly any of those things. I had to make sure my fears weren't validated.

Sue promised to take over my shift. Terra, however, was unable to find someone to cover for her. Disillusioned, she gave me her ipod and told me to get Tallis Spry to sign it for me if I could. I agreed to her favor, but to be honest, if I saw her with Logan, I wasn't sure what I would do.

I used the same method I used last time to get into the recording studio. It was a bit tricky this time around as the security guard eyed me suspiciously this time around. This time, however, I wasn't so lucky as the security guard turned me away claiming no one had ordered food. Apparently someone had spread the word to prohibit me specifically from entering the building which sounded odd to me. The only person who I could think of who would do that was Toby, but he would never go to such drastic measures.

Either way, I had to get into that building and meet Tallis Spry, for Terra who couldn't come, and get her autograph. That was my excuse. Next I tried the front entrance, even though I knew that wasn't a smart a idea. A combined flock of Via Purifico and Tallis Spry fans were mobbing the entrance just to catch a glimpse of either. It reminded me of those times in school when girls wold flock Logan. I had hoped I could sneak in with some of the devoted fans, but this was futile since no one was entering through the front doors.

I circled the building trying to find a weak spot. I came across one in the ally where ingredients were delivered to the kitchen. There was no security here, but I would have to sneak in through the kitchen where any stranger would be instantly reported. It was a big risk, but there was no other way. I hid behind one of the large garbage cans armed with a discarded rebar. I waited patiently here waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Such an opportunity arose when the janitor from inside emerged to dump away some useless garbage.

As the door closed behind him on his way back in, I bolted from my hiding spot and just barely managed to sick the rebar in the door to keep it from closing completely. I smiled to myself. Too easy. Now I needed to stake out the place. Using the small crack that was provided, I peeked in to see the janitor enter a door on the side. I waited a while knowing that if I entered so close to that room the janitor could very well hear me.

A few minutes later - by few I mean half an hour - the janitor exited the room pulling all his janitorial tools in a cart. As soon as he left, I discreetly entered the building. I knew exactly what my plan was after this. My first objective was the janitorial closet. I had to be quick or risk the janitor getting back. I snatched one of his spare uniforms and put it on over my own uniform. Gladly, I removed the chicken helmet and placed the hat on and tucked my hair into it.

As I was fixing my unruly hair under the hat, a sudden sharp noise startled me. I jumped initially thinking I had been caught before realizing it was the intercom placed in the room. "Hey Bill. There's a big mess up here in room five. Get on it will ya?" the voice on the other side cut off suddenly. I practically burst out laughing. Room five was just one room away from room seven which was most likely where Logan was. I could easily pretend I was going to room five and just sneak into room five! It was just too easy! "Bill?"

"Um, yeah I'll send someone right up," I said deepening in my voice while simultaneously pressing the button on the receiver. With the bad reception, I highly doubt whomever was on the other line could tell the difference. I took one of the similar carts the previous janitor had taken, and made my way through the narrow corridor outside. The only exit that I knew of was through the kitchen, but I doubted they allowed janitors with shelves full of toxic cleaners would even be allowed to pass through there.

I got confirmation when I tried passing through there. An angry waiter told me not to go through there and to use the freight elevator. I acted as though I was knew and he told me he wouldn't report me. I could breathe a sigh of relief after that. No one bothered me as I came out in Logan's floor. I had only been in the studio twice. Both times were with Teddy who didn't bother giving me a tour. It was a good thing there was a map plastered on one of the walls near the lobby on the third floor. I used that to make my way around.

Being inside, and standing in front of the map, I don't know how I didn't see how big the studio really was. The first floor was the reception area where people checked in. In addition to that, there were a few large recording rooms used by orchestras, and gospel groups which needed many, many people in one room to produce their sound. The second floor there were the smaller sound proof recording rooms which were the ones Logan used. On that same floor were the rehearsal rooms where musicians came to practice.

On the final two floors were penthouse like rooms where artists who spent the night in the studio could rest. These rooms, excessive was the only word to describe them. They had a small greeting area so that unwanted visitors couldn't gain easy access. I knew this because Teddy had taken me into one of these rooms before. Every single member of Via Purifico had their own while they recorded. Teddy showed me how each one came equipped with a personal gym, and mini bar.

Knowing that Logan was in room five of these penthouses I quickly moved away from the map and followed my preselected route. It was easy sneaking past everyone; acting like I belonged no one asked me anything. These people really needed to amp up security if I, of all people, could so easily sneak inside.

Soon, I was passing room six and I felt a nasty feeling creep in to the pit of my stomach that made me stop. Room seven was just in front of me, however, room five was just behind me. They had called for a janitor meaning that they needed a mess to be cleaned. If I ignored that call and selfishly went straight to Logan, then Bill - who was responsible for 'sending someone up' - could get in trouble for neglecting his responsibility. He could even loose his job!

I couldn't allow that. I couldn't go on happily knowing that a man's job was in danger. What if he had a family he had to support? Was I so self-centered I could allow myself to do that? No. I wasn't that type of person. Logan would have to wait. First things fist; I had to save Bill's three children and pregnant wife from financial ruin!

Backtracking to room five, I cautiously knocked on the door. Once I heard 'come in' from inside the room, I pulled my cart packed with cleaning supplies inside. The room was exactly like Teddy's old room it was almost scary. Even the pictures of beaches and parks were identical to Teddy's room. I had to remind myself that this wasn't Teddy's room; I distinctly remember his being room three.

"Thank god you're here! I thought I was going to die from the stench." A woman said coming out of the lounge. I stared at her blankly. I didn't know how she was; I had never seen her before. I'm sure any celebrity who was staying in one of these penthouses could only be insanely famous. Yet, I didn't know her. Me, who constantly watched entertainment news in hopes of seeing Logan, and who knew most of the names of famous faces in the musical world, didn't know who she was! "Uh, the puke pile is over there." the girl said noticing my blank expression.

"Oh right. I'll get right on it." I said forcing myself to snap out of moment of ignorance. Vomit wasn't so bad to clean.

Back in the bed and breakfast when I had to work at the diner, there used to be even worse messes. Since the diner had a bar, many people were tempted to drink during the performances and I learned the hard way that many people didn't know who to hold their liquor. I was happily cleaning the small mess when I involuntarily overheard a conversation going on in the lounge.

"Aura what are these?" I heard a new, yet somehow familiar voice. For a girl's voice, it sounded so rich and deep; very unnatural for any normal person. This was the talent, I figured.

"Tulips and daisies, I think." The first woman, Aura, replied. Aura; that name sounded familiar as well, but I couldn't quite place it. "They're very pretty." Aura said again. It was so sweet; someone had sent this girl flowers. Not that celebrities getting gifts was an unusual occurrence.

"Who sent them?" the talent asked. Rather intrigued by this conversation, I stood up and pretended to need to fill up a bucket of water. Well I wasn't pretending since I needed to mop up the floor one last time to get it completely off.

When I approached the two woman, I was shocked by who the talent was. This girl, she looked so much prettier in person than she did through the screen. Beautiful, elegant, and graceful, the Tallis Spry stood before me her blond locks set in stunning ringlets. Even though I wasn't a fan, her presence demanded absolute respect.

'Where's the bathroom, I need to fill this up.' Somehow those words vanished from my vocabulary. Other than Logan and the rest of Via Purifico, I had never met a famous person face to face before. I didn't know how to act around Tallis Spry. Should I just flat out ask for her autograph? Or play it cool and spark a causal conversation first.

"One of those boys in that band next to us." Aura replied before noticing I was standing so close. My mind froze. Not even star shock could make me think again.

The only band in this wing was Logan's band; Via Purifico. Why did that sudden envy arise again out of no where? It had to be Luther who was sending Tallis Spry flowers. It seemed like something he would do. I told myself this lie to keep from panicking. But I was again I was reminded that Tallis Spry was exactly the type of girl Logan went for. Not me.

I clutched onto the bucket handle tighter upon this realization. However, I suddenly recalled the night I spent with him, and how much his actions reflected the way he felt about me. I knew Logan better than anyone else. Even though I knew he had countless girls in the past - that many of them didn't last a week - I knew that with me, he would never do that. I reassured myself with the knowledge that Logan would never, ever hurt me.

To the flowers, Tallis Spry had a completely unexpected reaction. Her angel like face shifted into displeasure at the flowers, almost as if she was disgusted with them. She held them close to her body before, but now she held them away from her like a foul smelling child. Aura sensed her sudden change and quickly did something about it.

"You there!" she called suddenly acknowledging my presence. "Get rid of these." she ordered taking a step closer to Tallis Spry who was unwilling to surrender the flowers.

"No!" Tallis Spry snapped surprising both me and a wide eyed Aura. She seemed to catch her behavior, breathed, and then calmed down to her previous state. "I think," Tallis Spry started again, this time in a calmer, gentler voice. "I want to return these myself."

"Are you sure?" asked a concerned Aura when Tallis Spry asked. Then it happened. Like an angel descended from heaven, Tallis Spry's smile illuminated the whole room and dissipated the fowl atmosphere.

"Yes I'm sure." she reassured with that stunning smile that silenced all forms of protest. Armed with that smile, she left the room taking the accursed flowers with her.

For a few moments after, I couldn't move. That was Tallis Spry who had just the room. The same girl whose face was plastered on billboards, whose music could be heard in shops at the mall, and whose whose videos won awards and I didn't get Terra's ipod signed. Oh god, Terra was going to murder me if I told her I missed the opportunity. I guess I could always lie to her, but she was so good at figuring me out.

"Can you do me a favor janitor?" Aura suddenly asked when it was clear that Tallis Spry wasn't coming back. Intrigued I nodded wondering what I could do to help this person who was so close to Tallis Spry. "I can't risk her leaving that room alone." she began reaching inside a drawer from a nearby desk. It slowly began to make sense. This woman was Tallis Spry's manager. "I'll give you this, if you go over there and come out when she does." she said waving a rolled up poster about.

It looked new, signed or not, I knew Terra would love it. Leaving without anything Tallis Spry related would be dangerous. All I had to do was leave with Tallis Spry, maybe I could ask her to sign it then. I could only agree to her favor in exchange for that poster. Aura gave me the poster and told me to pick up my things after I had escorted Tallis Spry back. She also told me that the 'boys' commonly hung out in room seven.

I left the room in high spirits and tucked the poster down my over sized shirt to keep it from being damaged. Terra would kill me if it got a crease. In my shirt it was also protected from being stolen, and the like.

Now I understood why the flowers Tallis Spry got made her so upset. Luther had obviously given them to her. Anyone who got flowers from that guy had reason to feel bad. But of course, Tallis Spry was still a girl making her weaker than Luther. That pervert would probably force a kiss out of her, he's done it countless times in the past. I had to protect the damsel in distress from the evil demon!

Like a noble knight, I burst into that door of room seven to rescue the princess. The first thing I noticed were the flowers on the floor but no people. The argument had moved rooms I suspected. Like room five and room three, room seven was identical to the others. This one was messier; a clear indication of a long use. In the lounge there were countless fast food bags scattered about but still no people. I futilely checked the kitchen but it was so clean it seemed untouched by human hands.

In one of the rooms I heard talking. I sneaked closer to the door. Luckily, it was opened slightly and I could peek in through the crack to see the people inside. I could only see Teddy, and Bailey, but a third person - who I presumed to be Logan - was in there too. Though I wanted to see him, I couldn't because I was on an important mission.

Thump

I faintly heard something upstairs. Tallis Spry must be in danger! I raced up stairs without a thought in my mind but to rescue Tallis Spry from Luther's evil ways. But when I reached to top of the stairs I froze in place. It wasn't Luther who Tallis Spry needed saving from.

Tallis Spry was up against the wall, a determined look set across her gentle features. With his arm resting on the next to her head was Logan, slowly inching his way closer and closer to her. A small smirk tugged at the edges of his lips in a look that I've never seen before.

At that moment, Logan reached down and pulled out something from his pocket. He boastfully held my iced over heart in the palm of his hand. Mocking me, he squeezed it tighter and tighter until I felt like I was dying.

"Your words are flattering Logan." Tallis Spry said amused for some reason. For a second, Tallis Spry seemed to lean in towards him too as if to kiss him. Logan saw this too and his smile broadened. At the last second, Tallis Spry turned away with a smile and moved away from the wall and from him in the process. "But I have a boyfriend, whom I love very much." she said walking away with a triumphant smile. "I'm sure someone such as yourself has someone like that too."

"No, no one. No one at all."

Logan tossed that frozen mass that was once my heart back at me. It hit me in the chest - directly where it should have been safely kept - with such a blow that knocked me off my feet and I fell. It shattered into thousands of sharp piercing shards of glass before I hit the floor. Falling, falling into despair and hopelessness; broken slivers of glass everywhere in the air until I finally hit the floor. I was dead; Logan's words the only culprit.

"You're just saying what you think I want to hear. Your words are beautiful, but they're deceptive. Even a stupid girl would know they are nothing but lies." Tallis Spry told him. After hearing this, Logan he knew he had lost every chance at being with her. I couldn't come up of any situation in the past in which Logan had been denied anything by a girl. Including me.

Stupid girl. Stupid girl. Over and over again, those words echoed in the air. They floated from Tallis Spry's mouth slowly drifting into my ears. Stupid girl. Stupid girl. Those words, they brought me hope. It showed me that I wasn't completely dead inside. That at least that part of the conversation was able to register in my mind.

"Now stop harassing me because I'm not interested." Tallis Spry said as a final blow to Logan's ego. He sneered at her now that he had been rejected. I had never seen him change so quickly in his personality.

"Don't flatter yourself." Logan responded in rebuttal, but it sounded much more like a warning. Despite that threat, Tallis Spry's determination never faltered. Not only was she beautiful, she was strong too; very capable of handling herself. She didn't need rescuing.

There was a 'ding' was heard as the rest of Via Purifico and Toby emerged from the elevator. Both Tallis Spry and Logan immediately recomposed themselves as if nothing had happened between them.

"There you guys are!" Teddy was the first to say something. The others sensed the tense atmosphere, but not Teddy. "We're going to the cafeteria, we were wondering if you wanted anything." Teddy said specifically to Tallis Spry. With all those people in the room, you'd think they'll notice a lowly janitor with her head down at the floor.

"No thanks, I was just leaving." she said with that radiant smile. She stopped when she saw me at the stairs. "Oh?" she finally acknowledging my presence. Maybe I wasn't dead. Perhaps I was nothing but a ghost floating above watching over the whole ordeal and only my terrestrial body remained in that room. "Did Aura send you?"

Somehow, in my dark despair, my body managed to respond by shaking it's head. It was like a dream. I wasn't there, yet I could see everything. The feeling was gone, the world was numb. I needed some form, any kind, of glimmer of hope. Anything to lift me up from the broken pieces of by shattered heart.

Tallis Spry assumed that I was here to clean up room seven too and passed right by me with out giving me a second look. Now, everyone looked at me; even Logan. Surely they hadn't called for a janitor, so what was one doing in their room.

"You can leave now." Toby demanded. As their manager, Toby was strict with the boys. He managed everything, from each of their schedules, to their appearance. I'm pretty sure he even bought them their clothes and other items. But like Luther, Toby hated me for no apparent reason. I raised up my gaze from the floor to look him in the eye.

"Kara!" Teddy shouted excitedly. He came up to me and gave me a lung crushing hug. It didn't matter, because the world had gone cold. "I haven't seen you in forever! You should come have lunch with us!"

"No. She can't come." Toby interjected not a second after Teddy had finished. Teddy looked at him demanding a reason. "Come on boys, Logan's disappearing act put us ten minutes behind schedule." Toby explained using manager logic to keep me from them. "Let's move!" he added when no one did anything.

"We'll talk later okay." Teddy reassured though I knew he wouldn't. Toby was recently tightening his hold on Teddy, keeping them busy at all times to keep him from communicating with me.

Slowly, they all shuffled down the stairs with Logan coming up behind them. I knew if I let him go, who knows when I would get a chance to speak with him again. However, the initial conversation I wanted to have with him had changed. I didn't even know what to say or do to him anymore.

Logan came right up to my distressed self, took my hands in his and casually slipped a wad of paper in it. My delusional self hoped, wished it was a note explaining himself. That person was nothing but an ignorant fool. Putting his hand on his shoulder, he leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "I want you anymore, just go away." before going down the stairs with everyone else.

My body trembled, but it wasn't because of that hopeless feeling that seemed to take over me moments before. Rather, it for what lay in the palm of my hand. In my hand, Logan had placed an opened envelope with thousands of dollars in it. Too many hundreds to count. For so long, I had devoted my life to him, like a helpless housewife. Yet here he was getting rid of me like some common prostitute!

A new thing began to manifest itself in the hole where my heart used to be; a brand new and shiny black heart now replaced my old broken one. Despair was replaced by utterly unfiltered, unrefined rage. That meek and foolishly delusional girl that was present in this room before was gone. Now, an enraged and hateful girl, who had no need or desire for love, took her place.

"LOGAN HAYES!" she roared at the top of her lungs with absolute fury. Her voice carried in the grand penthouse, and made all the boys at the foot of the stairs stop mid-step in horror at the amount of hate in the atmosphere. Hesitantly, they were all forced to focus on the scorned girl by her rage alone.

In a dramatic display of indignation, she tossed the money in her hand high up in the air. The band with which the money was held came off and countless hundred dollar bills drifted from the ceiling raining down those below. Through the falling money that raging girl slowly began to step down the stairs.

Like death descending on a dying man, she went straight for her target. Logan Hayes was to petrified to move, or even speak. Still, he felt the need to defend himself from this vengeful monster. "Kara, I - " In one fell swoop, she backhanded him straight across the face. Her razor sharp nail on her longest finger cut a deep gash on his face.

"Call security!" Toby immediately responded. The frightened boys couldn't move. Her hate binding them to their spots. Only an insensitive Luther could laugh silently at the entertainment in front of him. With a cry, Toby disappeared from the lounge in search for help in the dire situation. A stunned Logan's reflexes still couldn't respond.

"I don't need anything from you." The creature spoke under her breath. "Not now, or ever!" she seethed with a ferocious glare. Somehow, her words overcame Logan's fright as he found himself looking a coward before his colleagues.

"Please, it won't be long before you come crawling -" but he never finished. The unleashed monster struck him again, this time with a lower intensity than before. Logan wasted no time in reacting this time. She had humiliated him in front of his friends, he would have to make her pay. The only way he could think of was to strike the same fear on her as she had on him. He was determined to tame this wild beast that had so discretely emerged.

He put both his hands on her shoulders and roughly pushed her back until her back hit the wall. "What the fuck!!" he demanded an answer for her wild behavior by shouting rudely in her face. "Who do you think you are! You know me better than anyone; You of all people should know that to me, you were nothing special!" The girl that he knew, and that knew him was long gone.

Her head was down; her lifeless hair hung around her face, shrouding her glare. Then, a giggling. She looked up, and her fiery eyes bore down on his. Startled, Logan was forced to release her and step back as the fear slowly began to grow once again. Her once muted giggles grew into outright laughter; her eyes livid and filled with demented wrath.

"You're one to talk, Logan Hayes." She spat before shoving him. His eyes widened for moment at her surprising strength. "You're nothing but a joke." she hissed as she approached him again. "A fluke." she shoved him again. "A waste!" Another shove. "And a failure!" Shove. "You are NOTHING!!" she finished her tirade savagely.

Logan opened his mouth to reply, but found there were no words that could be said. He was incapable to respond. Her words had stunned him. They affected him more than they should have. Mere seconds later, security came and took her away after they had tackled her to the ground. They threw her out of the building as heartlessly as Logan threw her out of his life. With no choice, she went to where she had parked the moped and left. She didn't bother looking back.

Somewhere along the ride her anger quelled, and that angry venting girl disappeared. For some reason, I wished that fearsome girl would never disappear. That I would remain, heartless, and cold forever, not just in front of Logan. I pulled over. Just the thought of him irked me.

Even though I was calmer now, I knew that I would never be the same again. I now had a black heart, that couldn't be fixed. Not by anything. Logan, that demon, after all we had been through, he treated me like trash. I regretted everything that I gave him, everything he took from me without as much as a thank you. I gave him every single inch of me. More importantly, I gave him something that could never be replaced. I gave him all my music, all of it. I didn't even keep a spare copy.

He was just using me, all this time. He probably would have gotten rid me a long time ago if I didn't provide him with all those songs. Of course, now that I had given him so many, he didn't need me. He had enough material to produce three full albums. He didn't need me anymore.

People passed by and they ignored me. I was just a depressed girl sitting on the sidewalk to them. Strangely, never in my life had I been so upset, yet I hadn't shed a single tear. Maybe I had reached the point beyond desperation, beyond hope. Would I ever be able to love again? I scoffed at the question. A few people stared.

Love sounded so ridiculous now. It was nothing to me but an imaginary thing like unicorns and dragons. It seemed love could only exist in those fantastical worlds. If love did exist in this world, it would never come to me. I had outstretched my hand to pet that emotion, but it only bit me in return. What I had with Logan, if that's love, then I don't need it. I will tenderly embrace my black heart forever.

One day, I would make Logan pay for what he did to me. I will make him feel the same pain he caused me, but much, much worse. I will make him suffer until he is on his hands and knees begging for my forgiveness. And when he does, I won't give it to him. I will kick him in his darkest hour. I will see him cry, and withering in pain. Then when the vile demon is defeated, I will stand over him and with a triumphant smile, and he will look on with regret and horror of ever using me. One day, one day.

With that resolve I decided that I didn't need Logan. I knew if I saw him again, I would once again loose myself in my rage. It would be better if I never saw him again until that fateful day. It's not like I had a choice in leaving or not. He had so clearly asked me to leave. Taking one last deep breath, I got on the moped and sped off to the Hayes house to retrieve all my things.

I don't know whats sadder, the fact that all my things fit in two duffel bags, or the fact that I would miss that house terribly. I think what was sadder still was that with all my belongings packed, I had no where to go.