With Love Comes Pain, but What About Forgiveness?

It had been about two months since Nick and I had our discussion in the living room of the Jonas’ house. I have been walking on eggshells around him ever since, because I didn’t want him finding out the truth, I didn’t want anyone to find out the truth.

“She needs to start sleeping in her own room; what good is a crib if she doesn’t use it,” I told him as I poured her a bottle of juice and looked down at Joe; he was on lying with the baby on the bed.

“I feel bad, okay!” He exclaimed as I laughed lightly, “I don’t like hearing my baby cry her little eyes out,” he looked down at her, she smiled at him and he bent down to kiss her, “I love her too much to put her through pain.”

My eyes rolled, “She needs to learn she can’t sleep with us all the time,” I told him as I laid on the other side of Marie, handed her bottle to her and watched her put it in her mouth, “She’s growing up so fast, I feel so old.” The two of us laughed lightly.

Just then she stood up with her bottle in her mouth, climbed on Joe’s stomach, walked to his chest and then sat down on it, “Dada!” She claimed as Joe looked up at her.

“Yes, sweetie,” Joe said as she looked down at him and then she pushed her bottle into his lips, he laughed lightly, “No, thank you.”

“Dada, baba!” She said in a more bossy tone which made me laugh hysterically, “Peez!”

He opened his mouth and placed the top of the bottle in it for a second and then let go, “Yummy, thank you, baby,” he told her as she place the bottle back into her mouth and proceeded to say ‘yum’, “Can I have a kiss?”

Marie bent down, open her mouth and covered Joe’s mouth, “Awe,” I cooed them and then I pulled Joe’s face towards me, “My turn.”

But before I kissed him, I was interrupted by, “No, mama, no,” which of course came from Marie; this happened every time one of us tried to kiss each other, who ever initiated the kiss she would scold us with ‘no’.

I groaned and Joe laughed at me, “Marie, I want to give daddy kisses too,” I said as I looked at her, she ignored me, stood up and walked around our bed, I took advantage of it and kissed Joe sweetly on the lips, “There! It’s getting ridiculous, she’s controlling our intimacy.”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to his body, “Don’t worry, baby, she’s just jealous,” he told me as we laughed, “No one can stop us from loving on each other, not even Marie.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his jaw, “Damn right,” I told him as we giggled together, “Are you looking forward to spending time at your parent’s house for Christmas?”

He shrugged, “Yeah, I like spending time with my family; I just hope Nick doesn’t pull anything stupid,” he said as he sighed and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, “He’s been acting really weird around me, like if he’s mad at me or something, when I should be the one infuriated with him.”

Marie was playing with her doll a few feet away from us, I looked at her with a smile and she smiled back at me, “Well, lets just hope and pray that nothing transpires,” I said to Joe sincerely, “If something does then we’ll deal with it when the time comes, right?”

He ran his fingers through my hair, “Right, I just hope he doesn’t,” he said as he sighed and looked into my eyes, “Because then my family will get into it, that’ll be even worse, they’ll try and persuade me to leave you or something…” He trailed off, I let go of his waist, sighed, and stood up, “I’m not trying to make you mad, baby, I’m just saying…”

“Yeah, I know, you’re just saying, just like you always are,” I told him in somewhat of harsh tone, “I don’t need to be reminded that your parents will hate me if they found out, okay?”

“Well, if you wouldn’t have cheated on me none of this would be an issue,” he said harshly as he rolled his eyes and I scoffed as my eyes widened, “I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry okay…”

“No, you’re right, it’s my fault,” I told him as I looked at him with my arms crossed. “Are you going to continue to throw it in my face though? I’ve been apologizing for a year, but if you’re going to keep it going I’ll just move in with Nick, I’m sure wouldn’t mind…” I was already angry so words were just spilling out of my mouth, words that had no meaning or feelings, I watched his face drop and eyes sadden and I regretted what I said immediately.

“Then go and move in with him,” he said as he rolled over and rested his head on his arms, Marie made her way over to him and crawled on his back as I sighed.

I made my way towards the two, picked up Marie, and sat her on the bed then made my way underneath Joe’s arms, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that either,” I said to him softly as I wrapped my arms around him, “I love you and only you, don’t ever doubt that, not even when I say stupid stuff like that.” I watched his eyes connect with mine and he studied my face.

“I love you too,” he said as he bent down and placed a light kiss on my lips, “I hate arguing with you, because then we say stupid stuff that we don’t mean.” He placed his arms around my waist and ran his hands up and down my sides as I nodded my head, “We need to get our stuff in the car, we’ve got a long couple of days ahead of us.”