Please Just Leave Me Alone

I feel so drained, but my fingers keep creeping towards the phone... It really does look inviting... I tear my hand back under the covers, shaking my head. I know that it would be absolutely pathetic to call her... So, what if I just called Johnson? Keep him thinking that nothing is up? I groan, and snatch up the phone, only to hear another voice on the other end.

"Hello? Goddamn, Addie, that was quick! The phone didn't even ring!"

I sighed. Hilary. "Oh, I was just going to call... I'm sorry that I left so early.. something ca-"

"What the hell happened with Johnson? He came back inside and told us that you had to go home, and he was all giving Elvis these wretched looks, and I had to practically pin Isis down to keep her from jumping him!"

I let another sigh out. I so dearly wished that I could tell Hilary about Grace, and what we were doing, but I know that she wouldn't understand. "Johnson saw Elvis kiss me, and he thought that it was something big, so he dragged me outside, and he said 'if I can't have you, nobody can.' So, I just went home... I really don't feel well..."

There was silence on the other end, and I was wondering what had happened to Hilary when she spoke a minute later. "That fucking ass. I was wondering why you broke up with him two years ago, but now I see why! So, what are you going to do? Get back together with him, have Isis kill him, what? I mean, cause it's not as though you have had a boyfriend since him, or anything..."

I bit down on my lower lip, snuggling deeper beneath the covers. No, I couldn't tell her, never. "I don't know... get back with him I guess.. if I don't, he might start fighting Elvis and stuff... I don't want Elvis to suffer, it was my idea for him to kiss me anyways.."

"You are so sweet, Addie, but really, you don't have to get back together with him... Elvis can take care of himself. I'm worried about you. Was it Johnson that man-handled you?" She asked, her voice trained on that sweet tone that she tended to use around me.

"No- I want to be with him, Hilary, really. He obviously still has feelings for me.."

"Did you sleep with him? Back when you guys were going out?"

My eyes shot open wide. "What!? No! I was fourteen! No, no way..." The idea shocked me. Did she expect me to have had sex with him?

"Have you ever slept with anybody?" Her tone was simple. but the question scared me. Had she ever slept with somebody? Had she had sex with Wren yet?

"No... I.. I've never had sex.." It was true. The furthest that I had ever gone was that afternoon, with Grace slipping her fingers beneath my underwear- I shook my head, trying to erase the memory. "Have you?"

More silence. Then, "Just once... with Wren... I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you guys, but... It was only last Saturday, and... I just thought that you would stop talking to me or something..."

I heard her whimpering on the other end of the line. "God no, Hilary. We would have been happy for you! You and Wren love each other, and that's wonderful. You can tell us anything, you know that..." So, she could tell me that she had had sex, but I couldn't tell her what really happened in the bathrooms?

"Oh, thank you Addie! I was just afraid of what you might say... You are so sweet..."

I could see her in her room, in her little black sleep shorts and checkered tee shirt, saying those words to me. 'Oh, you are so sweet, Addison..' I gasped at my little day dream, bolting upright in my bed.

"Addie? What's wrong? Addie!" Hilary was practically screaming into the phone.

I shook my head, taking a deep breath. "Hilary, it's alright.. I'm fine.. just thought I saw a spider or something... Listen, I've gotta go... Bye." I hung up before she could respond.