Painless Skies

My eyes watered as her fist made contact with my face. All I did was grimace and take it like a man. But inside I wanted to run away, like a little kid again.

“Hazel, it’s alright, I love you.”

“No, Trevor, nothing’s alright,” she sobbed as she repeatedly punched me.

Her punches got weaker as she sobbed harder, and she collapsed on the floor.

I held out my hand, for this was one of the worst times for her. She never cried this hard before, as she saw crying as a form of weakness.

She grabbed my hand and pulled herself up. I winced as her hand brushed against one of the bruises on my arm.

“Trevor, I think I’m going to sleep. I can’t think about anything.”

“Okay Hazel, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, remember that.”

“Bye, Trevor.”

~*~*~*~

I got home and put some ice on my bruises. People always asked me where they came from, and I always said that I was just messing around with the guys. My parents were worried, but I always brushed it off.

Hazel was never very violent until her brother died. When she was younger, she never had much care from her parents. It didn’t count as neglect, but they never showed her real love, like parents are supposed to. All she had was her brother.

Gordon Steele died in Iraq, just as he was planning to come home. During that time, I had never seen Hazel more excited. She wasn’t really the type to show much emotion. Hazel Steele was my life, and all I wanted to do was protect her.

Even if she was physically stronger than me, I felt that somehow, she was more vulnerable. But the more I thought about it, the more thoughts I had about leaving her. The pain wasn’t worth it, no matter how much I loved her.

But I had made her a promise. I promised to be with her until her brother got back, and help her through. People made fun of us – a little geeky guy with a tall athletic girl. But I helped her ignore their jeering, and we were happy together.

On the day she found out about Gordon, she cried for days, getting up only to use the bathroom. I stayed with her, taking care of her. But as she recovered from her sadness, it turned into anger, and she started using me as her punching bag. I let it go, knowing that she was hurting on the inside, and I could take the pain for her,

But it soon got to be too much. I knew I had to do something about it.

~*~*~*~

I walked up to Hazel’s house and rang the doorbell. Hazel answered, in her orange pajamas that I had always thought she looked beautiful in.

“Trevor,” she said, her face lighting up.

But I knew that soon, her angry side would come out, and I would have to endure the pain.

“Hey Hazel. I have to tell you something.”

“Come in, Trevor. I’m just sitting on the couch watching some TV.”

“Yeah, Hazel. I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?” she asked, when she saw that I wasn’t following her.

“Hazel, I think we have to break up.”

“Break up?” she whispered. “But I need you, with Gordon gone…”

I shook my head. “You don’t need me. You can go get yourself a punching bag instead. That’s all I’m used for these days.”

“You can’t leave me!” she shouted.

“I don’t want to, but I can’t take this anymore. I love you, but it’s time for this to stop.” I walked away and got into my car, planning to drive off without looking back.

But I had to look back, because I still cared about Hazel. Still, it was her problem, and although I promised to stick with her, it was getting to be too much.

I saw her standing there, with a shocked and hopeless expression on her face. For a second, I almost turned back.

~*~*~*~

I drove to the beach where me and Hazel used to go every weekend before things… went bad. I sat down on the sand and closed my eyes, thinking about Hazel. Some things were painful to remember, but I didn’t want to forget anything.

I fell asleep then, and was abruptly awoken.

“Trevor! I knew you would come here. You can take me back now.”

“What?” I said sleepily. Blinking, I saw the fuzzy outline of Hazel, still in her pajamas.

“You broke up with me… I know you didn’t want to, and we can be together again.”

I knew that if I accepted, everything would just go back to the way it was.

“Hazel, I can’t… I meant what I said, and it just can’t keep happening.”

Speechless, she slapped me across the face several times and ran off. I didn’t care where she went. And then I looked up in the sky.

It was just like the day I met her, the skies dark and light at the same time. The sky felt no pain, and it was always that way. The sun shone through the clouds and over the sparkling waters.

I felt tears running down my face. This scene was mine and Hazel’s, yet, without her, it was still beautiful. The sky was indifferent to pain, independently existing. And I knew I had to be that way.

Maybe one day, I could be with Hazel again. It wasn’t hard to get over someone you loved, no matter what they did to you. All I could do was hope.

I walked away from the beach and its painless skies. I made a stop along the way, at an old pine tree. Carved into the bark there were words I would always remember.

Trevor Holt and Hazel Steele. We’ll always be there for each other.