Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank's POV

I was so scared. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Never have I ever had flashbacks about what my dad did to me. I know it was wrong, I’m not stupid. I never questioned his love of me. I know he was just trying to show me the right path in life.

I was given a relaxant after my outburst and was assured that Gerard was on his way. I couldn’t wait for him to arrive. I was still slightly paranoid and wouldn’t let anyone know what was going on.

I didn’t even know if I could open up to Gerard. I was scared shitless and wasn’t entirely sure of what being in this place would do to me. Could I live a normal life, free of violence or would I suffer endlessly and never make it out of here alive.

I was put in restraints ‘for my own safety and the safety of the staff’. I laid back down in my bed and looked at the ceiling. It was boring. Plain white, with six lights. The ceiling panels had tiny little holes in them so I decided to count them.

I was concentrating so hard on counting the tiny little holes in the ceiling that I didn’t notice anyone come into the room until a scraping of a chair forced me to look over.

“Frank, what’s wrong?” Gerard asked calmly.

“I-I had a n-nightm-mare.”I replied, still feeling a little fragile.

“Can you tell me what happened?” He responded, his voice remaining calm.

“No.” I sniffed, tears threatening to fall from my already, sore, eyes.

“Ok. Can I ask why you asked for me?”

“I-I don’t know. I-I guess it’s j-just cuz no one has e-ever given a sh-shit about me.” I replied, the tears finally escaping my eyes and loud sobs erupted from within my body.

“Frank, I can’t help you if you don’t open up.” Gerard’s voice had changed from one of calm to one of almost begging.

“I can’t. They’ll get me, hurt me, toucher me, I can’t go back. I WON’T GO BACK!” I was becoming paranoid that everyone was out to get me.

I couldn’t breathe, my sobs getting louder and heavier. I pulled at my restraints and started screaming and thrashing myself around, banging my head against the railing that I was bound to. I was living my own personal hell. I think I would rather be at home.

“GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY!” I screamed over and over.

Gerard exited the room but returned shortly after with a nurse in tow. The nurse put a needle into my IV and walked away. I slowly felt myself begin to relax and drift into unconsciousness, but before I gave into the night haze I heard the end of Gerard’s conversation with my doctor.

“He’s not ready to open up yet. He’s far to fragile minded to even comprehend what he’s been through. May I also recommend that you take him off all the drugs. He needs to get clean before I can start to help him.”