Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank's POV (gasp)

The doctors have taken me off all of my pills. I feel really strung out, delusional, and a continuous nauseas feeling has taken over my body completely. I haven’t said much in the last few days. It’s been two weeks since I ended up here. Mikey comes to visit me a few times a week. I feel sorry for him. He has to watch me go through withdrawal. He’s still an addict and that just makes me feel even worse. Mikey says he can’t smuggle them in cuz they search him before he’s allowed to see me.

My emotions are uncontrollable. I go from placid, to raging, to a sobbing wreck all in a matter of minutes. Someone has to say one wrong thing to me and I break down. I am constantly tired and this is not helping my situations. When I do sleep I am plagued by nightmares of memories. I don’t ever remember the beatings being as bad as they are in my dreams. Gerard says that I have blocked everything out for so long that it is now only just catching up with me.

I am broken out of my trance like state of thinking by my doctor.

“How are you today Frank?” He asks, with a bright smile on his face.

I simply glare at him. That’s another thing, I have become mute. I don’t speak to anyone, I haven’t really spoken a whole lot in this last week. I am too wrapped up in my head. That’s where I want to be and no one is going to make me talk.

“Like that eh?” He asks, noticing my facial expression.

I glare at him once more.

“It’s time for breakfast. A nurse will be in to get you in a minute.” He states, pausing to write some notes on my chart.

He soon turns to leave and a minute later a young brunette nurse comes in with a wheelchair.

“Hi Frank, I’m Clair. Do you need anything before we go to the hall, maybe you would like to put some clothes on for a change?” She asks. He voice light and caring, her questions coming out in a suggestive manner instead of a demand or sneer.

I consider her question before deciding that it would be nice to put some clothes on for a change. I get up off my bed and walk to the steel drawers, opening them and pulling out a pair of dark wash jeans and a misfits top. I turn and hold them up to Clair.

“Okay, I’ll give you a minute.” She smiles before going to stand outside my door. I make my way over to my bathroom and change into my clothes being thankful that I showered last night. I brush my teeth and hair quickly and walk back out.

I walk over to my room entrance and stand next to Clair. She turns her head slightly and is startled when she notices me.

“Oh my god, you scared me.” She gasps out with a smile, her hand on her heart.

“I-I want t-to walk, p-please.” I ask in a barely audible whisper.

“Sure but I have to walk with you.” She replies.

I nod my head and we start the small walk to the end of the corridor where that food hall is.

We arrive and I go and find a table in the corner of the room, next to the big window. I can feel the warm sun on my face and neck. It feels good.

A tray was pushed in front of me and Clair sat next to me.

“You have to eat Frank. You’re all bone.” She states.

I shake my head, no.

“What if you drink the juice then, just so I can tick the box that says you had something from the food hall?” She replies, trying to compromise.

I consider this for a minute while I continue to focus on the sun on my face.

“I want to go outside.” I state in a whisper, looking out the window.

“Drink your juice and half a piece of toast and I will organise for you to go to the courtyard with Gerard today.” She makes a deal.

I’m sure she knows that I will give in.

I nod my head, yes and look back at the tray of food. I reach out and take the juice in my hand and take a small sip. I keep sipping it until the small cup is empty. I take the half piece of toast and eat that slowly as well. When I’m done Clair tells me that I did well and when Gerard comes today we can sit out in the courtyard.