Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank Iero's Diary

Entry One; 14/5/10

Hi Gerard,
I'm writing this diary to make you happy. Cause you want me to communicate.

I want you to know that you can't help me. Because I don't need help.
Why help those who don't need it?
I've been able to cope these last 17 years without you, why would I need you now?
I didn't need you then, I don't need you now. I don't want your help.
But please don't leave me. Stay here, with me? Please

Entry Two; 18/5/10

I'm numb.

I can't feel the doctors peering over my shoulder, I can't feel the nurses adjusting my IV. It doesn't feel like anything. Who are all these people, preying on my flesh? I can feel the sting, of where they took a bite. And then it's gone. I don't feel it anymore.

It's like I'm weightless.

I could just fly to the moon. And suffocate. There's no air on the moon.

Entry Three; 21/5/10

Can you see the ants? They're all over me. No matter how much I scratch, they come back. It hurts.
It hurts so much. It feels like acid, burning through the layers of my skin.

it hurts

Entry Four; 25/5/10

I want to see the sunshine. I miss the sun. You are my only sunshine.

Entry Five; 25/5/10

they took me outside it feels like spring and good things and sunshine and happiness. they let me outside again

Entry Six; 30/5/10

I miss Mikey. He was here yesterday. He brought my clothes. Everything I own, packed in a bag.

My life in a bag.

Entry Seven; 4/6/10

it was the best butter said the hare to the hatter

Entry Eight; 12/6/10

when the parad coms who will hold me stedy?

Entry Nine; 16/6/10

knock knock
who is it
boo
you scared me.

Entry Ten; 20/6/10

the moon spoke to me last night it told me i can fly. it wanted me to fly. but theres no air on the moon.

Entry Eleven; 22/6/10

heaven help us now

End diary.

I flipped through the pages, filled with meaningless drawing and small sections of Frank's rough scrawl. His mind is so obviously deteriorating, looking at what it says at the beginning and what it says at the end. I need to talk with him, have a conversation, a dialogue. He needs to tell me what happened. I want to help him, I want to save him.

Mikey was in a couple of days ago, I asked him about it when I got home. He said Frank spoke to him. I told him what to say, next time he visits. He agreed, to save Frank.

I set Frank's diary back down on the small table in his room. Frank is still sleeping, clutching at the sheets and crying out. I want to comfort him, but I can't, he just looked so pained, I had to look away.

It's not until he screams, the sound echoing around the blinding white room, that I go to him, I undo the restraints around his wrists and slide into the bed next to him. Still sleeping, he claws at me, as I try to awaken him. He groans, and opens his eyes, revealing many hidden tears. He attaches his arms around me, and howls into my chest.

His choking sobs alarm me, so I pull us both into the seated position, and try to calm him. He still cries on my shoulder, but he doesn't as if he's dying anymore. I let him cry. Everyone needs a cry now and then.

“Gerard? The moon says hello,” he whispered, when he'd stopped crying. His hazel eyes burned up at me, blaming me for this mess. “It says your beautiful. It wants you to save me.”