Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I am dying. I feel humiliated and uncomfortable around Gerard. We are all sitting at a table in the day room facing the window. Outside it is raining.

“How cold is it outside Mikey?” I ask, turning to look at him.

“Uhm, I think the weatherman said it was only meant to get to 50oF” He replied.

I gave a shiver, not only was it raining but it was cold outside as well.

I can’t look at him and I am beginning to get the familiar warmth spread throughout my body, the feeling of wanting to hurt.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” I state, standing up.

Mikey gives a quick nod and a smile.

I’m not quite out of ear shot when Gerard asks Mikey a question that makes me want to hurt even more.

“He hates me doesn’t he? He feels awkward around me don’t he Mikey?”

I walk even quicker towards the bathroom sign in the corner of the large room. Once I reach it I push open the heavy door with great difficulty considering I have no strength. I take a look around the rest room as the door closes with a soft thud behind me. I notice in the corner that there is a paper towel holder with perforated edges.

Who sticks shit like that in a bathroom in a loony bin?

I walk up to it and run my finger lightly over the jagged edges. It sends a shiver down my spine, anticipating my next move. I pull my finger away and replace it with my upper forearm. I take a deep breath in and quickly pull my arm back towards my body. I take a look and notice only tiny scratches. I shrug, the feeling still there.

I repeat my action again, this time with more force. There is a moment of complete stillness.
I take another look at my arm after a couple of seconds. Suddenly there are angry red marks along my skin. Pin prick size drops of blood are forming on my arm.

I decide that there isn’t enough blood and repeat my action once more, forcing the entire weight of my arm behind the action.

Another moment of stillness.

Suddenly there is a white hot pain that shoots up my arm and I let a strangled cry of pain and relief pass my lips. I take a look at my arm and notice I have completely torn the skin away from my arm. I panic and scream again, this time its only a pained scream. Someone must of heard, for in the next few seconds a nurse, Gerard and Mikey are all gathered around me. The nurse is applying first aid and Mikey is crying. Gerard looks shocked and scared.
I cry out in pain once more before the nurse gives me pain relief and hauls me to my feet and drags me to a hospital room, where a doctor is waiting.
I’m given a sedative and the doctor starts stitching me together. The last thing I remember before dozing off is the feel of the 25th stitch closing my skin up.