Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank's POV/diary

Monday:
I am numb. Stuck alone with my thoughts. The only problem is; my thoughts are of Gerard. The look on his face when he watched me get stitched back together was unbearable; the hurt, sadness, disappointment, I hurt him.

Tuesday:
I was moved up a level in therapy. They have given me some new medications. I’m feeling slightly less manic. Doc tells me that my dad got life in jail and won’t get parol. I’m feeling a little relieved about that, only now I am homeless apart from this ward.

Wednesday:
Having a bad day. Doc says its normal to relapse after starting a new med. Doc also said that I could have a visitor. I told him I want to see Gerard. He was shocked but agreed anyway.

Thursday:
I’m feeling optimistic. Next Monday they are going to put me back into therapy. I’m going to try harder. Gerard visited me yesterday afternoon. He bought me a Starbucks coffee .I told him I was sorry and he accepted my apology with a smile. I also told him that I was going to try harder in therapy. Gerard way very happy to hear this.

Friday:
I’m feeling better. I actually slept through the whole night for the first time in a very, very long time. I ate my entire breakfast without feeling sick afterwards and Doc says I’m gaining weight at a good pace and can soon be taken off the supplements. I’m feeling good knowing that I don’t look like a bag of bones anymore. I also realised that I was being slowly killed by my parents everytime they told me I was fat. I still won’t eat chocolate or candy. I don’t want to be fat.

Saturday:
Mikey visited and once again I apologised. He gladly accepted. I suggested that we go to the day room and play video games. He agreed and that’s where we spent a good couple of hours playing halo. Just before sunset Mikey said he had to go home so we walked back to my room to collect his bag. He rummaged round in it for a while before producing a badly wrapped present. He handed it to me and I took it. After just looking at it for a while, I slowly unwrapped it and felt tears form as I looked at the picture of Mikey and I in happier days, before all the bad shit happened and we became drug addicts.

Sunday:
I spent the morning out in the warm spring sun. I’ve been here for three months now. Shit happened, both good and bad. I’m looking forward to leaving this place. Mikey and Gerard’s mom has taken guardianship of me from the time I get out of here until I am 18 and have a job. She really does care about me, apart from the bad first impression. I think Gerard told her some stuff about me. She knows what my dad did to me and hasn’t passed judgement. For that I love her and am truly thankful to her for providing me with shelter, food and clean clothes when I get out of here. It’s Monday tomorrow, and it’s my first therapy session. I’m going to try really hard.