Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I wake up Tuesday morning with a strange sense of doom. An uneasy feeling had settled in the pit of my stomach, making me feel very, very nauseous. I opened my eyes and looked to the ceiling of Gerard’s bedroom. I sighed in frustration and wriggled around in the bed. This caused Gerard to stir.

“Mmm, Frankie, stay still,” I heard him mumble sleepily.

“Sorry,” I muttered.

I couldn’t stay still so I got up and started walking around Gerard’s bedroom. I went and looked at all his drawings that were tacked up on the walls, before deciding to go upstairs to find some coffee, hoping that it might settle my jittery nerves.

I found a cup and went over to the coffee maker, where I found, to my surprise, freshly made coffee. I smiled a little to myself and went about pouring coffee into my cup before adding milk and sugar. I settled myself at the kitchen table, but found that even the coffee couldn’t calm me. I got up and started walking around the house for a bit. I soon ran into Mikey, who was watching cartoons in the front room.

“Hey Mikes,” I greeted him.

“Hey. Is something wrong?” He asked.

“I don’t really know. I am all jittery and strangely unsettled. I feel like there is some sort of impending doom. I dunno,” I sighed, not even I could tell what was wrong.

“Oh, well I can’t really help sorry, but I am always up for a chat,” He smiles at me.

“Thanks Mikes. I think I might go out for a run, feel like joining me?” I asked.

“Sure. I’ll go get dressed,” He says, getting up and heading for his room.

I do the same, going to Gerard’s room for my jogging pants and my trainers. I leave a note for Gerard and his mom and meet mikey by the front door.

“It’s been a while, hey Mikey,” I say.

“Yep, but it’ll be good,” He smiles.

We leave and start for the end of his street. At the end of his street we pick up the pace and head for the park about three blocks away. It’s a good three or four miles, but it feels good. I can start to feel myself sink into this pattern and we make it to the park in a record time. We walk for a bit through the park and come to rest on a bench.

“How you feeling?” Mikey asks.

“Better, less jittery, but that strange doom feeling is still there,” I reply.

“Wanna do another mile or just head back?” He asks again.

“Let’s do another mile then head back. It should do the trick,” I reply.

We get up and start out slowly. By the time we get back onto the main street we’re back into the rhythm of it and do the extra mile before taking the back way home. I come up on a familiar street and have to stop for a moment. Mikey realises that I’ve stopped and stops beside me.

“What’s up?” He asks.

“I-it’s...oh god...Mikey...this i-is my street...oh god...dad...” I trail off.

My head starts to pound and I start to shake. All I can think of is ‘no not again, not another fit, c’mon Frank, don’t do this.’

“Frank...Frankie, I’m calling Gerard.” I can hear Mikey’s voice but none of his words really register.

Soon Mikey is sitting by me with his arm around my shoulders. We are sitting on the curb and I have my head in between my knees trying to calm myself.

Suddenly I have to get up and start running. Mikey is not far behind me, but all I can do is keep running. Just keep running, run away from the hurt, the danger, just keep running. I am not focusing on anything besides running. Sub consciously I know where I am heading for, that is until I run straight into someone. The scent is so familiar, so comforting. I still struggle, trying to get out of the grip of the person. Keep running.

“FRANKIE! Stop, baby stop. Calm down Frank, it’s okay, calm down,” The voice is calm, yet desperate for me to calm the fuck down.

I notice that we have hit the ground and I am covered in darkness. A hand is over my eyes, another over one of my ears, my other ear pressed into a firm chest. A sudden calm washes over me. I feel tired. My breath is even, calm. The person I am against relaxes.

“Frankie...You calm?” I finally recognise the voice as Gerard.

“Yes.” I mumble, barely audible.

“You okay?” He asks, voice calm.

“No,” I reply.

“Okay. We are going home.” He states.

He lets me go for a moment, and I keep my eyes closed. He picks me up and puts me in the car. I am against another body, it’s not Gerard’s. I start to panic as a hand is placed over my eyes and another hand is placed over one of my ears.

“Shh, Frankie, it’s me, it’s Mikey.” He soothes.

I curl up tighter into Mikey as Gerard starts the car and we head for home.