Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

Gerard and I were sitting quietly sitting in the car, he was driving while I just sat, staring out of the window. Our hands were casually linked together. The radio was on, but it had been turned down low. I was tired and confused and emotional, but I knew that we needed to talk. I just wanted to go home and sleep, but I knew that if we kept driving and talked while we took a drive that it would be better.

“Gerard?” I ask.

“Yes, Frankie?” He replies.

“We need to talk, so can we take a drive?” I ask.

“Sure. Anywhere in particular?” He asks.

“No, just drive.” I reply.

I watch as he nods to himself and makes up his mind where he wants to go. Silence falls upon the car once more, and I know that I have to start talking. We can’t exactly drive forever, so I think for a minute before making the first move.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you too, baby.” Gerard replies. I quickly glance at him and see a small smile on his lips.

“I just need to say a few things, but I don’t want you to interrupt, okay?” I ask.

“Go ahead. I understand.” He replies, taking an exit to the highway.

“Okay, well first of all I want to tell you how much you have really helped me, and made my life better. It hasn’t been all smooth sailing, and I know that lately you have felt as if you can’t fix me anymore. Today, when I was talking to Mel, she told me that you have helped me as much as you can, but now it’s all up to me. I now have to stand up and start to fix myself. I love you so much, and I am so grateful to your family, for taking me in. Please Gerard; I don’t want you to beat yourself up anymore. Tell me what you’re feeling, open up to me. I don’t want you to suffer.” I conclude.

“Frankie, I love you so much, okay? It hurts me every day that I can’t fix you anymore. I have helped you as much as I can, but when I talked to Mel before we left, she made me realise that I should be so happy that you have come so far. She told me that I had to learn to celebrate your success. Frankie, every day you are getting better, more stable, apart from this last week, but I know that is one thing I can fix for you. You and Mel are so right, only you can now fix you. We’ve helped you as much as possible, we’ve given you tools to help you heal and we will continue to give you tools to help you, but you need to ask. Don’t suffer anymore Frankie, mom and Mikey love you so much, and just want you to be happy.” Gerard replies.

I let a tear escape. I can’t help it. Gerard pulls into a parking lot and we get out. He comes over to me and holds me close to him. We stand there for a while, holding onto each other and feeling more connected than we have in weeks. I know we are healing as a couple and it feels good. It feels as if we are back to where we should be. We let go and Gerard kisses me on the forehead. He turns to walk into the diner, but I pull him back and kiss his lips. I feel Gerard give in and we make out for a quick minute, before pulling away and smiling at each other. Gerard takes my hand and we walk into the diner. We take a seat in a booth and look at the menus.

“Are you hungry, sweetie?” Gerard asks me.

“Yeah kinda,” I reply.

“What would you like?” He asks.

“Chips and a chocolate shake,” I say, looking over the menu.

“That’s it?” he asks.

“Yep,” I decide.

“Okay then, if that’s what you want.” He responds, somewhat hesitantly.

A waitress comes over and takes our order. She has a bubbly personality, and is wearing a big smile. I decide that she is nice and want to leave her a decent tip. I tell this to Gerard.

“I’ll make sure, she receives a good tip.” He replies.

Our food comes and we dig in. I feel surprisingly hungry. I think that the drugs I took earlier, and the emotional talk that we had left me feeling empty and hungry. I dip the chips in my chocolate shake and eat them hungrily.