Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

Staying off the drugs seemed to be easier said than done. I had found myself rummaging around for a hidden stash looking for something to calm the shakes and to drown the strung out feeling a number of times in the past couple of weeks.

I had returned to school after I the police told us that my mother had been found and locked up, pending the trial. I continued to see Mel three times a week and Dr Masters was once again cooperating with Mel in my treatment. He was also the only person now authorised to prescribe me anything.

It was a little stressing going back to school, because I had made enough progress to be moved back into the right grade. So I was now a junior, along with Mikey. Mikey and I continued with our routine of coming home and doing our homework together, and on the days I went to see Mel, he would wait until I got home to do our work together.

Gerard and I spent an hour a night, just talking. We agreed not to engage in anything sexual in that hour and we also agreed that it needed to be a time that we could communicate without judgement. It had so far been working, but I resisted in telling anyone about my want of something to quell the shakes and strung out feeling. I had a couple of connections in class, but they were linked to the illicit drugs. It wasn’t really my scene.

Donna was a saint, she really was. She would be home to greet me most afternoons and we always sat down with a coffee and a biscuit and talk about my day. She would praise me wherever it was due. I loved Donna because she was the mom I never had. Donna carefully monitored my medications, locking them in a cabinet. I was fine with that. It meant that the temptation was removed, because even I will admit to not having a lot of control over those sorts of things.

Currently it is just after two in the morning, and I find myself unable to sleep. Gerard is dead to the world, curled up with a pillow, thinking that it’s me. I am rummaging around again for something to calm the nerves. I feel stressed and strung out and I am shaking like a leaf.

My thoughts are all jumbled and I don’t quite know what is happening. I can’t even remember if I’d taken my pills before bed. I’ve gone through all the cabinets in the kitchen; it came up with nothing, not even some paracetamol, so Donna must have locked everything away. I wander up to the next level of the house and where the main bathroom is. I start to quietly rummage through the bathroom cabinet, now desperate for something. I can feel a fever coming on and my coordination grows clumsy. I stumble around, now panicking because I feel drug-sick and a fever has set in. Something moves outside of the bathroom.

“Frank?” The voice calls, it’s cautious.

I stumble to the doorway and come face to face with Donna. I’m not sure what to say to her, but when I try nothing comes out. I must look a mess, because she takes me by the arm and we stumble down the staircase; my clumsiness making Donna lose her balance, but she always regains it. I can’t sit still as she sits my on the couch in the living room. Donna puts her hand against my forehead and frowns. I watch as she walks away. I get up and start to wander into the kitchen. She’s unlocked the medicine cabinet and is taking out the thermometer.

“Frankie, honey, you have to sit down so I can take your temperature.” She states.

“I-I can’t,” I say, panicked.

“Frank, come and sit down,” Her voice is calm, yet it holds authority.

I pace around for a few seconds before I sit at the table. Donna takes my temperature and frowns again. She goes to the medicine cabinet and pulls out some pills.

“Take these, it will calm the nerves.” She says as she puts two little pills in my hand.

I swallow them dry, but chase them down with some water. Donna hands me another two white pills.

“These will help with your fever,” She says once more.

I repeat the process from before. I watch as Donna puts everything away before locking the cabinet and putting the key in her pocket. She walks over and sits down next to me. We sit in silence for a few moments before I watch her gather her thoughts and open her mouth.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” She asks, gently.

“I honestly don’t know. I remember waking up and feeling so stressed and strung out. I panicked and then I felt the feeling of drug-sick. I don’t know why it happened.” I reply, yawning afterwards.

“Come on, the pills will have you knocked out in a few minutes. I’ll put you back to bed.” She says, getting up.

I follow her lead and we head for Gerard’s room. Once inside his room, Donna helps me into bed and tucks the covers around me. Gerard stirs and Donna shushes him. He wraps his arms around me and goes back to sleep. Donna brushes my hair out of my face and kisses my forehead.

“Night, baby. Sleep tight.” She whispers, walking out of the room.

I don’t get a chance to reply, because tiredness hits me head on, and I’m out cold.