Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

When I wake up, I am wrapped in a blanket. I snuggle back down into it and slowly try to think what happened the night before, and why I have this heavy feeling sitting in my chest. I go to roll over and find that I can’t. Gerard has his arm securely around me. I sigh and lay back down. A heavy feeling settles in my chest. I feel horrible.

I sigh once more and then crawl out from the covers, and out from under Gerard’s arm. I sit at the side of my bed and take a few deep breaths. The feeling doesn’t leave and I decide to just get on with what I want to do. My movements feel heavy and lethargic. I make my way to the ensuite bathroom and do what I have to, and washing my face in the process. I take a glance in the mirror and am shocked to find that I don’t recognise the person staring back at me.

I heave another sigh and make my way out of the bathroom and up the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Hi darling, how are you this morning?” Donna asks.

I open my mouth but no sound comes out. I close my mouth again and just look at her, trying to portray how I am really feeling.

“Like that, huh?” She asks.

I stand in the kitchen for a while, and I don’t really know what I want. Donna must of sensed this and she gets up and out of her seat.

“Take a seat darling, would you like some breakfast?” She asks, getting up and moving over to the pantry.

I just nod, and I hear her get the cereal and milk and a bowl and spoon. I rest my head in my hands, and just let the tears fall, quietly sobbing to myself. I soon hear Donna place the bowl in front of me and then I feel her place a gentle hand on my back.

“It’s okay darling, it gets better.” She coos softly next to me.

Donna rubs my back soothingly for a while and soon I have composed myself enough to look up at her.

“Thanks for my breakfast,” I mumble, pulling the bowl towards me.

“You’re welcome,” She replies, giving me a sad smile, but it’s not pity I see, just a bit of sadness.

I take my time with my breakfast, stirring it around and pushing it around in the bowl before taking a bite and then repeating the process again. This small routine makes me smile somewhat.

I am about half way through my breakfast when Gerard emerges from downstairs. He walks over to me and kisses the top of my head.

“Hey baby,” He mumbles in my ear.

“Hey,” I mumble, it comes out as almost a whisper, barely a sound.

Gerard wraps his arms around me tightly for a moment before moving away and I can hear him making himself a coffee. Shortly after He sits down next to me and we all sit in silence for a bit.

“Gerard, how about you take Frank out today?” Donna breaks the silence.

“Okay,” Gerard pauses,

“Frankie would you like to go out today?” He asks

I shake my head, personally I would rather just crawl into my cupboard and sob, but I don’t tell anyone this.

“Frankie, the fresh air might do you some good. How about Gerard takes you to the park?” Donna presses on.

I look at her for a moment, my eyes telling her everything and she seems to understand, but I can tell that she really wants me to go out, and I think she knows something that I don’t.

“Okay,” I mumble, giving in to her kind but firm look.

I decide that I have had enough breakfast, and Donna looks concerned about the food that I haven’t eaten, but she doesn’t say anything. Gerard goes for a shower and I get changed into some jeans and a top. I realise that the shirt I put on is actually Gerard’s and I let a small smile cross my face.

“Now that is the prettiest thing I have ever seen,” Gerard states, walking into the room.
I give him a look of confusion.

“You’re so pretty when you smile like that. Like you are remembering a good memory,” He explains.

I smile once more at him and we part ways, him getting dressed and me going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth and brushing my unruly hair. When I’m finished I go and sit in the living room for a while. Gerard soon appears and we get up and leave the house.