Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

The heat of the day surprises me a little. Its spring time and it is surprisingly warm. Gerard shuts the car off and turns to me. Although I am facing out the window, I can feel him watching me. I don’t feel like being out, I just want to be curled in a ball, in my blankets.

“Are you going to take your jumper off?” He asks me in a soft voice.

I just shake my head, my eyes closing as I remember what happened not fifteen minutes ago.

As we were leaving I grabbed my jumper and put it on. Gerard told me that it was warm outside and that I wouldn’t need it. I just glared at him. He got frustrated with me, telling me that I’m going to cook and that I should just leave it behind. I just continued to scowl at him until Donna came into the entrance way to see what was going on. She told Gerard with a firm voice and a look to just leave it. So with a frown at his mother we left, me wearing my jumper.

“Okay, c’mon out you get,” He says finally, getting out of the car himself.

We’re in the car park that faces a playground. It has a lake in the middle of it and people are having picnics. I just continue to sit in the car, because yeah, I just want to stir shit up with Gerard, make everything as hard as possible.

“Frankie, stop being stubborn, get out of the car please,” He says with a firm voice once he opens my car door.

I raise my head, lock my eyes with his, and give him the best scowl I can.

“That’s not going to work, get out of the car,” He’s getting impatient now, I can tell.

“Fine, stay here, but I’m going to go and sit on the swings,” He replies with a huff.

I watch as he turns away and walks swiftly over to the vacant swing set. The car door remains open and I just sit and stare at the outside world. A million thoughts race through my head and nothing makes sense. Without warning I start to sob, and at first I don’t realise it because I couldn’t feel the tears slide down my face. It wasn’t until my body gave a jolt that I realised that I was sobbing.

“Hey, kid, are you okay?” someone asks suddenly.

I open my eyes and my sobs die down a little as I stare at this person. I give no reply to the stranger, just a blank look.

“Okay...” the person replies after a few long moments.

“Well I’m Ashley anyway...I’ll be seeing you,” the stranger, now Ashley replies.

I just stare as the boy walks away. I take note of his build, lean muscle, and high cheekbones. I continue to watch him, as he walks over to a group of boys with Harley’s. They all have long hair and war paint, and are covered in leather.

“Who was that Frankie?” Gerard asks, suddenly appearing in front of me. I feel Gerard press a kiss to my forehead as I notice Ashley looking back at me. He wears this knowing grin and I can’t help but shudder at the thought.

“We can go home now,” Gerard announces, shutting my car door.

He climbs into the driver’s side and starts the engine. He pulls out of the parking lots and we head for home. Suddenly every emotion comes flooding back, everything heightened and everything sending my senses into overdrive. I place my head in between my knees and try not to scream. I feel my chest breaking open exposing all my rotting organs. I cry helplessly as I try to hold myself together.

Suddenly the car isn’t moving anymore and I am only now aware of the sound of my scream. It’s ear piercing; even to me.

I am yanked from my seatbelt and have been pulled into Gerard’s lap. I am sitting sideways as he wraps one arm around me, holding me tightly to him and the other is pressing one of my ears to his chest and his hand is covering my other ear and my eyes, even though they are closed. I can hear him muttering over and over

“Shh, just breathe, breathe baby,”

It takes a few minutes and I can feel the calm settling in. When I am dopey, and not quite aware of anything, Gerard puts me back in my seat and we make our way home.
Once home, Gerard carries me inside and puts me in my own room, my own safe haven. I vaguely hear him turn the cooling on and taking my shoes off. He wraps my blankets around me and I finally doze off.