Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I spent the next following four days back in the ward, before I was once again released into the care of Donna, Gerard and Mikey, also known as my family.

Currently Mel and I see each other every day at 4pm. This gives Gerard enough time to get home, pick me up and take me into town. Her and Dr Masters have put me on some new medications and have adjusted the dosages on some of the other ones that I still have to take. Combined they try and control the flashbacks, my eating disorder, my mental conditions and my memory lapses.

I have returned to Gerard’s bed, no longer waking in the middle of the night screaming and crying. His hold on me at night seems to keep the nightmares at bay, but only if I am relaxed before I go to be. I can’t watch scary movies after three pm and I meditate for half an hour before bed to some soothing music that Donna found for me.

We found out that stress induces the nightmares the hard way.

The new medications seem to be helping keep me fairly balanced and even keeled. I am starting to feel a lot better as well, which is a good sign. Donna commented on me smiling the other day and we both cried out of happiness.
Gerard returned to work as well. I found out that he had taken emergency holidays to stay by my side while I was in the hospital. It makes me happy to have him at work. It makes for a good distraction from me.

I stopped going to school, as it was too stressful, so Gerard and Mikey pick up my work and then they sit down with me every day and teach me. Mikey is in Advanced classes so the teachers know that I am learning. So far I am passing everything. Then they take it back to my teachers for marking the next day.

I’ve been allowed to have friends come over on the weekends, it’s a privilege that Donna says I have earnt. Mel agrees as well, saying that it’s good to have people that still love me. When they first came over it was a little awkward, but then they mentioned how well I looked and told me that they were happy i was getting better but felt bad because they didn’t realise how bad I was. It made my spirits lift when they told me. Donna was overjoyed when she overheard them.
Mel seems to think that I have overcome the worst of my eating disorder, as she weighs me once a week. I’ve been given a special diet to follow; much to my disgust originally. Everyone is hoping to get me to 11lbs. Mel says that I’ll still be small, but insists that it is the right weight for me at this point in time, she also stresses that I’ll still be underweight for my age and height. Secretly I am happy about this, but it’s no longer a demon. I have also come to discover a favourite food. Every Saturday Donna makes chocolate chip pancakes, and I’ll plough through three of them.

Everything is not all rainbows and butterflies though. The flashbacks still happen and sometimes it happens in the most inconvenient of times, like when Gerard and I get intimate. This happened only a couple of days ago and I’ve been beating myself up over it ever since, figuratively speaking. Still Gerard told me not to worry, kissed me good night and sung me to sleep. He’s a saint, really.
I am hoping that I’ll be able to get intimate with Gerard again tonight. I think we both need it and want it. Right now, it’s about three o’clock in the afternoon, and it’s a Friday. Gerard should be home within the next half an hour. Donna has a night shift tonight, Mikey is going to his girlfriend’s place, and Mel is sick today, so I’ll be having my appointment tomorrow morning, so it’s just Gerard and I tonight.

I channel surf for a while until I hear the front door slam. I get up and go into the hallway to greet Gerard.

“Hey baby, good day?” he asks, a big smile on his face.

“Boring, but okay, got some assessment done,” I smile, before kissing him deeply.

“Mmm, you are in a good mood,” he muses, before kissing me in the same way again.

We continue to make out in the hallway until we hear Donna call out from the kitchen.

“Go to your room if you’re going to do that kind of stuff,”

We laugh, because we will never know how she knows these things without even having to see. Her tone is playful, but serious, and I can practically hear the smile in her words.

“Sorry mom!” Gerard calls out, before taking my hand and leading me to the kitchen.

“How was your day?” She asks Gerard

“I am so in the wrong profession.” Gerard mumbles, lightly banging his head against the dining table.

“Stupid kids, they are so pretty and emo these day,” He continues to ramble, before exhaling loudly and resting his head against the table.

I run my fingers through his hair, gently massaging it and relieving any tension. It seems to work as he calms down rather quickly. I watch as Donna shakes her head, before kissing his scalp, walking past me, kissing my forehead and exiting out of the kitchen.