A Heart Full of Scars

The murmurs and yells of way over a hundred students filled the school’s quadrangle area, making the place as noisy as a concert hall. Groups of students sat around talking, laughing and messing around all over the place. Conversations ranged from the hottest people at school to the weather, animals to skateboards-Pretty much everything that students; teenagers, would talk about.

But she walked through the area silent, lips closed and her grey-blue eyes focused on the ground as her long wavy brown hair blew in the slight breeze. She made not one noise apart from her shoes shuffling against the concrete ground as she walked from one side of the quadrangle to the other.

Eyes still on the ground she walked at a slow pace to the usual place she sat at, with the usual people that she sat with already there. As she approached the place she let her sky blue school bag slip of her shoulder and caught the shoulder strap without effort in her hand; she was so used to doing it, even though her bag weighed about 2 bricks it didn’t hurt her arm at all. She dropped her bag on the ground where the rest of her so called “group’s” bags were, making a small thud and crunch sound as it did.

She finally looked up from the ground, pushing the hair out of her face and leant against the wall before sliding down it into a sitting position on the veranda just outside the school’s cooking room. That was the easiest way for her to be able to sit on the ground without flopping backwards. Her calm, plain eyes looked at the girl she had sat next to.

Caitlin looked at her too with a kind smile on her face and her brown eyes soft. She smiled softly back while pushing her hair from her face again that the breeze kept trying to push in the way. She mentally noted that she once again forgot her headband at home. She looked away from Caitlin and rolled her eyes at herself for being stupid and forgetting it once again, mainly on a day she actually needed it.

Her gaze then trailed to the other three girls sitting in front and on the other side of Caitlin.

“That idiot of a teacher is deaf as a door knob.” Cleo mumbled annoyed about her Society and
Environment class teacher. “I’m sure he doesn’t even know what he is talking about.”
“Same here!” Meaghan agreed nodding. “That teacher is an asshole too.”
“I’m glad I don’t have him as my S and E teacher.” Shelly said sighing.

It wasn’t until then that one of the three girls; Shelly had actually noticed that she had finally got out of class and was sitting next to Caitlin. Shelly gave her a small smiled and quickly turned her attention back to the complaints the other two girls were saying about their teachers. She didn’t even get time to smile back at Shelly. A soft sigh escaped her lips and she looked slightly away.

“I’m going to the canteen, do you want to come?” Caitlin said suddenly in her usual quiet voice.

She looked at Caitlin and thought quickly. She shook her head.

“No sorry, not right now.” She said softly.

Caitlin nods her head, understanding the real reason why she didn’t want to get up was because of her legs and the fact that she had just sat down. Caitlin then stood up and took a kind, sympathy look at her before walking slowly down the veranda and disappearing around the corner.

She looked away and back to the other three girls that was still sitting on the veranda. Apart of her wished she could have just got up and went with Caitlin. But she knew she couldn’t; with the leg problems that she had she rather just stay sitting in the same spot until she really had to move; like when the siren went.

The other three girls were still bickering about their teachers.

“He’s a fuck wit too.” Meaghan grumbled.
“You think all teachers are.” Shelly said amused by her friend’s anger over some of her teachers.
“Well they are! All of them are! Their idiots!” Cleo exclaimed.

Shelly nodded as well as Meaghan. She let out another sigh.

“Our art teacher is ok.” She pointed out to the other three girls.

Shelly, Meaghan and Cleo looked at her for a moment. It wasn’t often she spoke out like that. She had a reason why she usually didn’t too; normally they never listened to her and ignored her.

“No she’s not.” Cleo said shaking her head. “She’s a bitch that complains all the time.”

That’s because you never listen to her, she thought. But instead of saying it she shrugged and looked away out over the quadrangle. She knew no matter what she said, they wouldn’t listen. Cleo rolled her eyes at her and started talking with Shelly and Meaghan again. Meaghan gave her an odd look before going back talking.

Looking back out over the quadrangle she let herself begin to daydream and block out the three girls that were bickering –like always- to try and have some peace.

But of course she could never get it.

“That test was bullshit! Did you see Brent having a go at the teacher for it?” Cleo said laughing loudly.

Shelly and Meaghan laughed out loud too. She just sighed, slightly annoyed that she could never have peace and quiet. Why do I even hang around them?She wondered as her lips flattered into a line. She thought about it for a moment as the other three girls laughed, she came up with no answer. Infect the answer was; she had no idea why.

“Yeah and he is so hot too!” Shelly gushed.

She rolled her eyes still looking out over the quadrangle. Cleo and Meaghan quickly agreed to Shelly.

“Don’t you think so too?” Shelly asked her in a mocking voice.

She looked over at the three girls only to see them smirking no so nicely at her, she was shocked that Shelly even asked.

“Yeah, kinda but he is a bit of an id-“
“Did you hear about how he likes that slut Brittany?” Cleo asked cutting her off.
“Yes!” Both Shelly and Meaghan exclaimed.

Once again she rolled her eyes at the three girls. They talk about the same thing every day; they had been talking about that for the last week and a half. She was getting sick of hearing it. All the other three girls did was complaining all the time about something and ignored her like she wasn’t even there.

Now she was starting to wonder why she even called them friends.

They ignored her; act like she never existed. If they were in the same class they would never talk to her unless they needed help on their work. They always butted her out on any conversation and tease her.

They did everything that friends shouldn’t ever do.

People like this aren’t friends; but she had no one else. The only other person in the whole school that would ever bother to talk to her was Caitlin, but that wasn’t all the time. Sure they sat next to each other at recess and lunch, but they didn’t talk much. In a weird way they never had much to say, they were both in the same boat; wondering why they bothered hanging around with the other three girls.

Suddenly she felt so confused; she didn’t know what to do. Should she stay around them, even though they ignored her and was mean to her? Or go off on her own; alone and possibly try and look for friends that are real friends. She didn’t know what to do or how long she could stand being with these people. Really no one deserved to be treated like that. She knew other people that didn’t live in the same country and they were never like that; now they were the people she could really call friends.

“Have yous seen the way she has been walking today?” Cleo whispered.

Out the corner of her eye she saw the other three girls smirking at her. They were doing it again, teasing her about her leg problems. They did this a lot.

“Yeah like an old granny or something.” Shelly whispered snickering.

She looked down at her lap feeling the three girl’s eyes still on her. Their simple words cut more than they ever would know and her heat was already full of scars from them.

“It’s like she’s some weird retard.” Cleo snickered. “She can’t even sit down on a chair properly.”

Her hands balled into fists. Suddenly Caitlin walked around the corner with food in her hand. Caitlin smiled at her and continued walking to one of the teachers that was looking after a disabled student in a wheelchair. Caitlin and the lady started chatting like they usually did every day at lunch. Caitlin was friends with her and talked to her often to keep away from the other three girls, sadly leaving her alone with them.

Because she was too busy looking at Caitlin she missed out on what the other three girls said; which was actually a good thing seeing as they were started to say really bad things about her now. Their laughs echoed in her ears.

She closed her eyes for a moment and remembered a saying of hers; no one is perfect. She opened her eyes again and took a deep breath. The other three girls were watching her trying not to laugh, they know she could hear them and it was hurting her.

No, she thought, I don’t deservers this, no one does. So I am a little different, who cares?But as she thought that she realised that the other three girls cared; they cared enough to make her life worse by teasing her about it. And being the shy lonely girl she was, she didn’t do anything about it when she could. Anger flared in her chest as she realised that.

“She’s just a stupid lonely freak.” Meaghan said simple as if she was talking about the weather.

Cleo and Shelly agreed chuckling. They all saw her finch as Meaghan said that. Tears started to weld in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall, not now. Instead she let something snap inside of her. She had had it. She shouldn’t be treated like that, no one should and not by people that she thought she could call friends. No these are not my friends. Friends never do that.

The anger that she felt in her chest turned into a solid heat. She wanted more than anything to turn and yell at the three girls that have always been mean to her, but at the last second before she turned her head to do so. She froze.

Suddenly her mind clicked. She knows what she’s going to do.
Out of what seamed nowhere. She stood up from the veranda without holding onto the wall for support like she normally did, sure it hurt her legs but at the moment she didn’t care. The three girls looked up at her shocked at how normal like she stood up. Just by seeing that it shoved their words back down their throats.

Then she did what she should have done ages ago.
Rhianna turned, grabbed her bag and walked away without looking back at the three girls who have been trying to fill her heart with scars.