Everything About You

The night was perfect, as perfect as any night could get really. But you always did know how to top perfection. A single perfect night with you was more than the equivalent of ten thousand perfect nights with anyone else.

Tonight I was alone, but thinking of you, still. Of course I was. You never left my thoughts. I’d only seen you hours previously so you were still fresh in my mind; the touch of your skin, the scents of your clothes, of your breath, the shivers that ran down my spine when you looked at me.

I was sitting out on the balcony, looking at the beauty of the night’s sky. This is where I went to think, because there is where I felt closest to you. When I look at the sky, I see stars. When you look at the sky, you, too, see stars. We weren’t too far apart, if we can see the same stars. This slightest of connections was enough for me, the night’s sky holds magic. A magic intended only for us.

I would give anything to spend the rest of my life, sitting beside you watching the stars. I’d give anything to sit by you for the rest of my life, even during the day time, as long as it’s a day that never dies. Things like these, all these impossible things... Being with you makes me feel like I can do them all, but only if I was doing them for you.

Today was another kind of magic, to the magic the stars have. Day magic and night magic, both are so wonderful yet so wildly different.

I spent all day with you today. We met up in the morning, under the tree where we first met. I remember that day so well, as if it was today. It held many similarities to today, actually. Both seemed like a good day, then became what we thought would be an awful day but then turned into the best day of both our lives.

I was walking through the park; I don’t know what you were doing. After having spent another day walking by myself, I just wanted to get home. It was only 2 pm. If I hadn’t been so consumed by my own self-pity, I would have been wearier of the clouds. Hanging low and dark, they had been threatening to rip open and spill all morning. I had noticed them, but paid more attention to the darkening, heavy cloud that weighed down on my mind. Trudging along, you didn’t exist to me, to give me you to think about, yet.
Then suddenly the heavens exploded on to us. A previously non-existent wind howled, and the rain fought its way down to earth like a hell bent demon seeking havoc and revenge. At least, that’s how I recall it now.
But maybe, maybe meeting you was such an enlightening moment for me that everything else darkened in comparison?

All I know is that it rained and there was a tree close by. The rain in my eyes made the world into a mess, like water spilt on a wet painting, but I knew where the tree was. I just didn’t see you when I got there. I remember stopping, and sitting, the wet grass dampening my trousers. I remember shaking my head, wringing out my hair and then rubbing my eyes, to see the water drenched word more clearly. I had done all this before I noticed you, only a foot away from me. I looked around but I didn’t expect to see anyone, much less you sitting immediately to my right.
The surprise was visible, punctuated by a small jump and an intake of breath. You noticed but you didn’t say anything, you just laughed. A small, quick laugh then a guilty look as if you shouldn’t have been laughing. Your hair, your face, your twinkling eyes – the first stars that held magic for me, your smile, your laugh; everything about you screamed that you were the one for me. It started with look, a smile, a breaking of the ice “Cuddle for body heat?” and another laugh.

We only progressed from there. In the space of that day, I felt a deeper connection with you than anyone I had ever known. I learned so much about you, Dylan Thompson. You, in turn, learned so much, too much, about me. But it didn’t scare you away. In fact, you seemed to delight in knowing more and more about me. Even this, the very beginnings of what would the most important relationship of my life, this made me feel so special when I was with you, even just for knowing you.

It rained for two solid hours, and neither if us wanted to leave the other, so we just sat there. My damp clothes, clinging to my skin, led me to shiver. You noticed; I shivered so violently, how could you not have noticed? We ended up huddling together, after all. When your skin touched my skin, it was as though somebody had set me alight. There was an electric rush, crackling in the air; passion, we always had passion.

Passion in the fleeting glances, passion in the stares, passion in every touch, every kiss, and every breath.

Holding you under the rain made feel alive. Your body against mine was the best feeling I’d ever felt. Holding you under the rain, I couldn’t have pictured it better had I dreamt it. A boy as charming, as funny, as beautiful as you, who wanted to hold me. The entire time I listened to your voice, whispering in the quiet, shouting over the thunder, and talking, the entire time I laughed with your contagious laugh, the entire time I looked at your eyes, your lips, your face; all I wanted to do was kiss you. Kiss you and taste the person beyond what you showed me. I wanted to taste your love, your hatred, your fear, your pain.

Everything else in my life could be a lie; it could never have happened or existed. But I knew that if I kissed you, tasted you, then you would be a single, beautiful, magical truth.
In thinking this I was right. When I kissed you, you overcame my world of lies: in my world of lies, you were the truth.

My love for you seems so evidently clichéd. I don’t care if I have to sing your praises in every cliché ever written I will, and still I will know that they will never encompass how you make me feel. With every touch you empower me. On some level, knowing you have complete faith and trust in my makes me become much more than me. You give me hope, strength, and reason. I’d give myself up for you, with a second thought.

I remember the first time I told you that you made me feel like this. You laughed at first, you thought I was joking. You didn’t have as much faith in yourself as I had in you. When I managed to convince you that I was serious, that you were my hero that made me in to a hero, you couldn’t do anything, not talk, nor laugh. We just lay there, me in your arms. We were under the tree where we first met, again. We stayed there for what seemed an infinite amount of time. Time slowed down but everyone around us carried on as normal. Children played and mothers talked, people jogged and dogs barked, while we just lay there soaking up each other’s presence.

Then you turned to face me, and just looked at me. I wriggled under your scrutiny but I didn’t say anything. I was used to that look, the one that said you were thinking of what to say, so I kept quiet. You’d say what you wanted to when you were ready. We stayed like that for what may have only been ten minutes but felt like a forever or two. You clasped my hand in one of yours, using the other to prop my chin up to face yours better. My breath got caught in my throat, and my heart seemed to tighten and speed up.

“Jillian. Jilly. I love you. You mean everything to me. I never thought any one person, creature, place or thing could make me feel the feelings you make me feel. I am completely and utterly in love with you. You and everything that makes you---“

As much as I had wanted to hear the rest of your speech, that beautiful speech you poured your heart into, I couldn’t control myself. I leapt you and kissed you. I kissed your mouth, your cheek, your eyes, and your neck, as much of you as I could. I had never felt more alive. You loved me. You said it first with no prompting. I was happy to be in love with you, and have you with me. I thought that was the most happiness I could have ever imagined.

Knowing you were in love with me created all kinds of happiness I could never have imagined happiness that no amount of stringing words together could describe. The feeling of being so totally in love has no equivalent in the English language.

I had never realised just how dark the world was until you said you loved me. The force of your love was so powerful that from the inside of me, at the very core of my heart, to the world outside, I illuminate every single tiny atom that makes up everything. I am the one solid, unwavering flame, kept constantly alight by the force of our combined emotion.

The most important thing I've learnt about myself since meeting you is that I know I’ll always be shining like a candle in the dark when you tell me that you love me.