Of Thieves And Do Gooders

Before I realized where I was going, I found myself alongside the outer wall of the school, watching patiently as Headmaster Wilkins poked his head out of his window and disappeared again. I made sure to move into the correct position so as to avoid the motion sensing lights and bolted across the grass, following the faint path that had formed in the grass.

I reached the cover of the forest, but I didn’t bother stopping, I continued running until I reached the parking lot and then I kept running after that. I didn’t stop until I was halfway down the road that led into town. I realized how insane I must have looked, but I couldn’t care at that moment, while I was running I wasn’t thinking and when I wasn’t thinking I wasn’t worrying.

I collapsed beside the road, narrowly avoiding a ditch as I heaved, pulling breath in and out of my lungs as sweat dripped from my face. My legs felt like they were unattached, numb yet trembling at the same time. How could a person that hated running so much have run so far? I wasn’t quite sure.

As I continued to pant, folding my legs underneath me as I sat with my hands pressed on the ground in front of me. I flinched as a raindrop landed one of my hands, and slowly the trickle of rain that had begun had changed into a downpour. I laughed once without humor, how ironic that I had run so hard that I was sweating from head to toe, and now the rain had come to cool me off. And yet the rain was unwanted. This was all-too-familiar, so close to my past. I was running away again, like a frightened child. I was leaving everything behind me: possessions, friends, comfort, home. All I had was my necklace, just like before.

I stole a glance back the way I had come from, the haze of rain weakened my sight, but I could see that no one was coming after me. I was disappointed, I won’t deny that, as if I had expected to see headlights peering out of the dark horizon. But there was no light, just darkness. No one was coming after me. I was alone, just as I had always been.

I felt my lower lip tremble for a just a moment as I continued to watch the darkness, almost hopeful, but I didn’t cry, I wouldn’t let myself cry over something so stupid. So I was alone, so what? I had managed fine on my own before, why would I need people now? I would just go back to the way I used to be, steal the way I used to and live the way I used to. It would be like waking from a pleasant dream. A stable home, an education, friends, all fleeting dreams. And I was okay with that, I would live on bare necessity, I had done it before.

Still there was a little voice in my head that spoke as I looked back in the direction of the school, Fine, if they think so little of me than maybe Iwill leave, I thought defiantly. I staggered to my feet, the rain weighing heavily on my shoulders, as if it didn’t want me to get back up. I heaved another sigh and willed myself to walk toward town.

It was a quiet walk. Mindless. Left…Right…Left…Right… I silently ordered my feet to keep moving, even if I wasn’t quite sure where I was going to go. I didn’t have any family to turn to, I didn’t have any money for a hotel, and my apartment had long since been vacated. It felt horribly like I was repeating my past, and I had forgotten how much it had hurt to leave, to think of having no one in the world that cared what would happen to me.

I knew that I was just feeling sorry for myself, and that thinking about it just made things worse. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of being unwanted. I was a liar, a thief. Even the people I considered closest to me were warded off, set on high-alert by my mere presence.

I shook myself loose of my thoughts as I realized I had come to a stop. I gazed at the large barred gate in front of me, rain trickling down the black bars that kept me from entering the cemetery beyond them.

My thoughts whirled in frustration and I walked the outer stone wall of the cemetery until I came to a point where a conveniently placed boulder was evident. I climbed up and hoisted myself over the stone wall, landing with a soft squish in the soggy grass.

Once I had established my sense of direction, I walked until I reached my brother’s grave, sitting only thirty feet away from me, dull and colorless. I had forgotten flowers again. I paused and at another grave, where lively purple lilies drooped from the weight of the rain. Carefully, I squatted beside the grave and wrapped my fingers around the bouquet, intent on bestowing much deserved color into the lasting memory of my brother.

However, I stopped just before I actually picked them up, imagining, just for a second, Raymond’s hard green eyes, eyes that were too old for the boy that they belonged to. I retracted my hand with a fierceness that portrayed my ashamed feelings. How could I steal from another grave just to make myself feel better? Raymond wasn’t alive, he wouldn’t see the flowers, he wouldn’t miss something that wasn’t there. It wasn’t what Raymond had tried to teach me when I was younger. If he had seen my life now, he would have given me the biggest lecture he could muster.

It looked like Raymond would have to go without flowers for awhile longer.

As I approached the grave, the rain seemed to lighten if only for the slightest moment, taking a small bit of weight from the tuxedo that I still wore, but would probably never wear again. I fell onto my knees in front of my brother’s grave, my hands sinking into the slick grass. I thought for a moment, my eyes raking absently over the words engraved into the stone as I shifted into a different position--so that I was sitting upright with my knees curled against my chest and my arms were wrapped around my legs.

I sniffed once and wiped water from my face, unsure of what comfort I had expected from the remnant of my brother. My lips quivered again, threatening to let out a cry of some sort, but I spoke instead, in a low whisper, “I don’t know what to do anymore…” I could feel tears building up in my eyes and squeezed them shut, burying my face in my knees, “Damn it Ray…why did you…?” I stopped, trying not to blame everything on him. “I never should’ve went to that stupid school. I never should have deluded myself into believing I belonged somewhere again…” I sniffed again, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “I should’ve gone with you that night, then maybe I could’ve…”

I could have, what? Died with him? Made him feel twice as bad when he couldn’t protect me?

“I’m so confused…” I murmured thickly, the rain muffling the words as I took sharp intakes of air. With a heavy exhale, I sat and cried.

________________________________________________

Hayden’s Point Of View

What. The. Fuck.

It was ten thirty at night, and Raven still wasn’t back. How long does it take to escort someone back to their room?…Unless they…

I shuddered. No way, Raven was completely straight and Lucian was…questionable, but Raven would never fall into that sort of trap.

I paced impatiently in the room, looking at Raven’s bed that was still messy from the night before--she never made her bed. Dame and Lee knew that she hadn’t been back after the Ball, but they also assumed she would have been back by now. The Ball had ended two hours ago. Where the hell was she?

“Come on…” I murmured to Raven, where ever she was. I didn’t like worrying about her--it made me feel way too old--but if I didn’t then who would? Certainly not Dame who was an idiot and thought he was in love and too busy wallowing in his own self-pity. Not Lee who was too easygoing to realize that bad things did happen to good people.

I felt like an anxious baby-sitter.

…

Another hour passed.

What was I doing? Raven could take care of herself, she couldn’t have gotten lost because of her damn photographic memory, she would get back whenever she got back. Hell, if she was still a guy (you know what I mean) then I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, I would have gone to sleep at a normal hour and wouldn’t have cared when “Raymond” got back.

With a growl of annoyance, I flicked off the light and trudged over to my bed and fell onto it with a grunt of my evident dismay. Raven was pissing me off. Why the hell was she making me worry like this? Why the hell was she taking so long to get back?

Oh well. It didn’t matter. I would wake up in the morning and she would be back from wherever the fuck it was that she had been. I would let her have it then, scold her like there was no tomorrow, hell I might even report her to Mrs. Lilany just to make myself feel better.
___________________________________________________

Morning. No Raven.

I tapped my pencil anxiously on the desk in the middle of English. Mrs. Lilany was bitching about some book we had read--The Things They Carried? Or was it Huckleberry Finn?--but I couldn’t focus on anything she said.

Lee was picking absently at a patch of dead skin on his hand, looking as relaxed as always--I envied him for that--while Dame looked tense in his seat, although he still looked like he was paying attention to Mrs. Lilany.

The bell rang and class was dismissed. I pushed my seat away from my desk and flinched when I came face to face with Laura Harding--God she was gorgeous--I already had a feeling I knew why she was talking to me. “Oh, hey Laura,” I said a little nervously, glancing at Lee and Dame who were waiting for me by the door.

“Hi, Hayden,” she smiled pleasantly, but quickly asked, “I, uh, noticed Raymond’s not here today, do you know where he is?”

It wasn’t like she talked to “Raymond” at all, so I wasn’t sure why she was all worried about him when he wasn’t in class. I seethed inwardly, “Raymond” wasn’t even really a guy! What did she even see in him? As far as I could tell, Raven wasn’t even making an effort to talk to her.

“Oh, he was feeling pretty crappy this morning, so, he decided he’d take the day off,” I said casually, aware that Mrs. Lilany was looming over Laura’s shoulder, listening to the excuse herself.

Before Laura could say anything, Mrs. Lilany barked sharply, “You tell Mr. Frost that whether he is sick or not does not excuse him from English, or any of his other classes unless he consults the nurse. I expect to see him tomorrow if not later tonight.” Then she stalked away and I took the chance to escape with Dame and Lee, avoiding further questioning from Laura.

Once we were out of the class, Dame whispered in a hushed voice, “Where’s Ray?” He sounded genuinely concerned but he had gotten plenty of sleep the night before, which I couldn’t help but despise him for.

“I don’t know, she--he didn’t come back last night,” I replied sullenly.

Lee’s face hardened, suddenly realizing the seriousness of the situation, “Seriously?”
I nodded and Dame swore under his breath, “Where could sh--goddamit he, be?” he asked although he must have known that I didn’t know the answer.

“No idea, last I saw of him was when the Ball ended,” I replied, suddenly looking up as a dark head of hair caught my attention: Derek Fairborn. He was laughing with his two dumbass friends when he looked in my direction and smiled. That set me off.

I stormed over to him and he watched me, looking wary and interested at the same time. I stopped only inches away from him as I asked in a low voice, “Where is he? What did you do?”

Derek blinked, looking absolutely lost then he scowled. “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything to anyone.”

“Liar!” I roared, grabbing him by his shirt collar and pinning him against the wall, “What did you do?” I asked again, aware that Derek’s two cronies were converging on me, however, Dame and Lee kept them at bay, while Derek glared down at me.

“I. Didn’t. Do. Anything,” he repeated with an obvious edge to his voice and he knocked my arms away, landing lightly on his feet. “I don’t care who your friends are Hayden, you don’t want to start shit with me,” he growled, shoving me backward a step.

I wanted nothing more than to beat the living shit out of him right there, but Mrs. Lilany was swooping down on me, so I took a reluctant step back and turned to leave with Dame and Lee before she could reach me. But, I was sure that he had done something to Raven. It was the only reason she wouldn’t have come back. What if she was bleeding to death somewhere? And all I needed to do was find her?

“Hayden, I don’t think he knows where Ray is,” Lee pointed out confidently, aware that I was still fuming from the current encounter.

“How do you know that?” I asked sharply, focusing on taking one step after another, until we reached Jager’s class--Mathematics, my best subject.

“Because, he really didn’t know who you were talking about, even if he did know you were talking about Ray, I don’t think he would keep something like that a secret. I mean, Derek’s an ass, but I don’t think he would leave Ray somewhere for dead,” Dame reasoned a little reluctantly--he wanted to blame Derek as much as I did. He was the perfect outlet.

I sighed, feeling the painful need to accept what my two friends were telling me. So Derek didn’t know where Raven was. I could try to accept that. But that still didn’t tell me whether or not Raven was okay. God help her if she was unhurt and I was spazzing out over nothing.

So I sat through Mathematics and finished all of my work in class, picked up work for Raven and dumped it in our room, on top of her bed. Which she still wasn’t in. Where did Raven even have to go? From what I heard, her brother was dead and so was the rest of her family. If she needed…certain girl stuff, she could have waited until the morning at least or the weekend or something. She could have left a note mentioning where she was going.

Then, it clicked. The one place that Raven went that I knew about and no one else did: The cemetery. Where he brother was buried. I didn’t bother attending my next class, I left at that exact moment, hesitating only for a moment when I realized it was raining--apparently that had started up the night before. I got the keys to the Corvette--a ’73 Stingray--that Raven had drooled over on her first free weekend and peeled out of the parking lot before driving down the road into town as quickly as possible.

Traffic in town wasn’t too difficult because of the rain, people were mostly indoors or still at work--or school for that matter. I stopped the car and threw it in park, slammed the door and approached the cemetery gates, which were open. It wasn’t hard finding Raymond’s grave, it was in the far right-hand corner, I could remember something like that.

The rain pelted me as I came to a halt at the tree that I had hid behind when I had first followed Raven.

I squinted through the rainy haze and broke into a run as I saw a hunched silhouette. It was her, I knew it. I had found her, and now she was going to get the biggest earful she had ever had in her life. I came to a halt just before I reached the silhouette and jerked Raven up by her shoulders, causing her to gasp.

“Damn it Ray, do you have any idea how--” I broke off mid-sentence when I realized something very important: I wasn’t holding onto Raven’s shoulder.

Instead, I found myself looking into the wrinkly face of the old grave-keeper. “Oh, I--I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else,” I said, quickly jerking my hand back, the guy looked like he had every disease known to man.

The man grunted, his scraggly gray hair drooping in the rain as he squinted at something he was holding, then in a scratchy voice he asked, “You Hay…Hayd…Hayden?” He turned his eyes on me as he awaited my answer.

“Wha--? Yeah, how did you…?” Before I could finish my sentence, the grave-keeper stuffed a damp piece of paper into my hand, and turned to leave, while muttering over his shoulder, “Some kid…left it…” And then he was gone.

I blinked and squinted at the piece of paper, the writing was smeared but it said my name on the top. I flipped it open, and tried to straighten it out, but the paper was uncooperative and flopped around as new raindrops hit it. Still I managed to read the blurry faded writing, it read:

Sorry, Goodbye.
Ray