Of Thieves And Do Gooders

The huge butler pushed me all the way to the back door, which I thought was odd, since he probably would've wanted to throw me out the front and drag me to the gate by my hair where the cops would be waiting. Or at least this is what I had figured, apparently I'd figured wrong.

The butler pushed me forward and I stumbled, barely managing to keep my balance. Thoroughly confused and alarmed, I pivoted on one foot to face the potential threat. Much to my surprise he had no phone, cell phone, radio, messenger pigeon, hawk with parchment, or any other sort of communication, that could be used to alert the authorities.

The giant man simply had a smirk on his face, what the hell was he amused about? He was the butler! He had no right to smirk down at me, to belittle me! Sure I was mad, but he didn't need to know that. I just glanced back at him, lost and suspicious.

"Well?" he inquired in his oddly gruff voice, "shouldn't you be goin'?"

I watched him warily, stealing a glance in the direction of the gate and then back. "Why are you letting me go?" I asked with complete and utter suspicion, there had to be a catch, since any good thief knows that there's always a catch.

"Oh, I'm not letting you go, at least not for certain." The butler smirked down at me again, and my eyes narrowed in response.

"What in the hell does that mean?" I snapped the question out. Here it comes, are you ready for it? 'Cause I wasn't.

"That means, if you can outrun the dogs, and elude the cameras, not to mention avoid being seen by anyone else. You can go free, since you didn't manage to steal anything did you?" The question was innocent enough, but it felt like a slap in the face to me.

I felt heat rise to my face. Damn he was right...I had failed. Ugh, that was a painful word to use, I don't think I'll ever use that again.

"Fine, is that all? Or did you want to lecture me?" I growled, contemplating how I was going to make it past the dogs now that I had no steaks, but the cameras would be easy enough to avoid, since I remembered where most of them were.

The man didn't even answer me, he just closed the door again, undoubtedly reactivating the security system.

"Okay then, no lecture..." I muttered to myself, turning and scoping out my surroundings.

I was in the backyard again and around the side was the accursed tree I had been stuck in during my first infiltration. This was grand...Maybe if I went further back there would be a fence or something like that to hoist myself over. Then I'd be a little closer to escape, but where there are fences there are cameras, or at least that's how it worked with rich people. Since I'd never met a farmer that kept a camera on his wire fences.

From what I could tell farther back was a forest, small probably, but it could hide me well enough until I could gather a bit more information. Before I went any further, I reached into my pocket and dropped the old man's wallet on the back porch, it wouldn't do me any good now, unless I wanted to pose as a fifty-six-year-old man at one point or another. Which I doubted.

I took a quick glance from left to right then darted out across the yard, the darkness was pitch black at this point in time, undoubtedly it was well past twelve in the morning.

Once I was safely within the region of the forest I put my hand against a sturdy tree trunk and tried to catch my breath. I turned around and examined the back part of the house. My eyes moved around the exterior.

One...Two...Three...Six...Nine...Fifteen...

Fifteen lights were on in the house...I could still get something if I went back, surely the maids and butlers were off in their own stations and wouldn't come looking if there was no noise...I wondered when the old man was going to come back, but shook the thought away, it didn't matter, I had to get out, whether I got something or not.

I turned my back to the tempting house and moved further back into the forest, quietly groping for a surface similar to a chain link fence. I scraped my hands several times in my attempts to search for the correct surface, but they were minor injuries.

I must have walked for a good ten minutes before I stopped and turned around again, curious as to how far away from the house I had gotten...Uh-oh...I couldn't see the lights anymore...

Only now I was starting to wonder how deep this forest went. Hopefully not deep enough for bears...or wolves...or bobcats...or pumas...or any other creature that may enjoy a nice little helping of "skinny-little-thief on a stick". Deer were okay though, although I did hear about the woman who was beaten half to death by a deer...okay strike that, no deer either, I didn't like deer. Maybe a bunny, yeah, I wouldn't mind a bunny.

I turned and glanced back in front of me again and crouched down immediately as I saw a silhouette move in front of me. Judging by the movements of the silhouette it hadn't noticed me and was...definitely hopefully probably human.

Suddenly a light flicked on in front of the silhouette, confirming that it was human, at least there was one good sign. They were moving parallel to me, and not directly at me, another good sign, at this rate they would pass me but never meet up with me. So, I decided to wait them out. I shuffled as quietly as possible around one side of the tree, making it possible for me to peer around the side of the tree if necessary, and made myself comfortable, but wary.

The light bobbed up and down as the person continued to approach. I could hear the footsteps now, judging by the light footsteps, the person was probably wearing sneakers or tennis shoes.

Another minute and I could hear muttering, it sounded like a man, a young man no older than eighteen or nineteen, maybe in his early twenties.

Only two more minutes and the voice began to sound familiar, but only vaguely so.

A few more minutes, he walked almost directly in front of me, and his words were decipherable. "Damn, guy...interfering...making this way harder than it had to be...should've just ignored him..." he trailed off and I abruptly recognized the boys voice. It was the same boy that had sold me out to the butler! Damn him! I had plenty to say to him!

"Hey!" I shouted as I leapt out of the bushes behind him. "I've got some--"

But before I could get my next words out, the boy flung himself around and shone the light in my eyes, which stunned me and demanded for me to shield my eyes.

"...You!" I heard him whisper fiercely, now making his way toward me. He grabbed my shoulder with one hand and dropped the flashlight so that he could use his other hand to punch me in the face. I stumbled, but managed to keep my balance.

"What the hell was that for, you son of a bitch?" I whispered back just as fiercely. Now I was holding my throbbing nose.

"That was for making so much noise, and for messing up my assignment so much without the slightest effort.” He waited a moment and then added, “How the hell do you keep finding me?" He sounded suspicious now.

I lifted my elbow, pressed my hands together and forced my elbow into the young man's face. Revenge, how sweet the taste. I heard him stifle a cry of pain and saw him stumble backward. I’m glad he was in pain, I hope I broke the nose on that pretty face of his.

"What...the...fuck?" The young man sounded shocked and pissed, he probably hadn't expected me to hit him back. Ha! What an unpleasant surprise on his part.

"That was for selling me out to that butler and trying to break my nose!" I replied triumphantly, but still holding my nose.

"Ugh..." he muttered, "fair enough, you asshole..." His words were muffled behind his hand which was probably holding his nose or mouth, whichever one I had struck.

"What are you doin' out here? Shouldn't you be gone by now?" I asked after a minute or two of silence as we both mulled over our new wounds.

"How'd you even get away from that butler? Shouldn't you be in jail by now?" the young man retorted.

"Pfft, that guy said I could go since I didn't manage to steal anything," I replied smugly, and then proceeded to say, "now answer my question." I tilted my head upward to try and stop my nose from bleeding.

There was a short moment of silent anger and then the boy said, "I was working on it when you decided to pop out of the bushes. And why are you still here? Shouldn't you be gone too?"

I felt my face burn slightly. "I was working on it too, way to interfere," I retorted with a huffy tone.

"Whatever, you can get back to your escape plan and I'll get back to mine." The young man knelt down and picked up his flashlight and then began to turn in the direction that he had been heading.

I was about to say something when he paused, hesitant for some reason. I saw his silhouette turn to look in my direction and then back forward.

Oh, this was grand...He was lost.

I couldn't help but smile inwardly, this was funny. "Want some help?" I offered without even considering my words, I wasn't even sure if I could find a way out of this damn forest.

The young man turned and shined that accursed light in my face. "You know the way out of here?" he asked begrudgingly.

"Ha! I knew you were lost," I stated triumphantly and heard him growl.

"Forget it, I don't need your help." He turned around again and began to walk.

"Hey! Wait, wait, wait!" I jogged after him and caught his shoulder. "I was just kidding. I'll help you out of here." I wasn't sure why but I wanted to help him out, even if he did sell me out to that weird butler and punch me in the face. We sort of had this, love-to-trick-each-other-to-become-half-friends sort of thing going on. Or at least that’s the way I saw it.

There was a hesitant and suspicious silence, "Fine," he said finally and dropped the light so that it shined toward the ground rather than in my face. "Lead the way...Uh...Raymond, right?"

Raymond? Who the hell was...Oh right...

I had nearly forgotten my fake name. I made a mental note to remember that for future reference.

I nodded and jerked my head in the direction I had been going. Instead of going in a straight line like I had been doing, I veered off to the right just slightly, glancing behind me to make sure the young man was still following me. He was.

Quietly I took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, pausing suddenly, now closing my eyes. I remembered glancing at a mapped out version of the old man's house a few days earlier.

As for the surrounding acreage, I remembered the forest and saw it clearly in my mind: if I continued straight back there would be a chain link fence, as I had thought. But there were cameras posted on every three poles of the fence, not to mention motion-censored spot lights posted within thirty yards of each other along the outskirts of the fence. Then of course there was the traditional barb-wire along the top of the chain link. This was going to be fun. The rest of this break-in had just been annoying but finding a way out was the fun part.

I smiled visibly and opened my eyes again. "Okay, this way." I gestured for the young man to follow me and continued in the direction I had been going.

About another ten minutes passed in silence and a light came into view. I stopped and heard the young man's foot steps stop behind me as well.

I turned around and began to explain the situation, "There's a fence up a head, naturally. On every three poles there's a camera, so we'll have to find a camera before we go over, so we can time it right." The young man looked at me strangely, as if he was surprised I could say something even remotely similar to a plan.

"You found the fence? I can take it from here then." The young man strode forward and I followed, pausing as he turned off the flashlight and peered carefully around the side of a nearby tree.

"Hmm..." He turned quickly around to face me. "How'd you know where my emergency escape route was?" the young man asked sharply, as if I were conspiring against him.

I threw him a questioning look, but realized he couldn't see it and said, "What are you talking about?" I moved alongside him and peered around the tree, glancing up at the motion-censored spot lights which were on, but all the cameras were offline and a large hole had been cut into the chain link. It was the most convenient escape route I had ever seen in my life, I never would've thought that far ahead.

"...Dumb luck," I replied with a shrug, moving ahead of him and into the light. I walked through the hole in the chain link and onto the other side. feeling a bit of a ball in the bottom of my stomach, disappointment that the rush of escaping was gone.

I turned around once I got through, and saw that the young man had followed me through, still watching me suspiciously. No doubt he figured I had some kind of grudge against him for selling me out...Which I did, since it was perfect grounds for holding a grudge.

"Well, there you go, I found the way out," I stated, with a somewhat smug air about me.

"Yeah, guess so." The young man stood in contemplation for a moment, but I knew I wasn't about to hear a "thank you" from him any time soon.

So, I turned around and began to walk away from him, "Well it's been great workin' with ya. But I prefer to fly it solo," I stated, walking slowly, so that he could still hear me. "Maybe we'll work together some other time," I added, knowing that it would never happen. I knew I'd probably never see him again, and I was fine with that, that pretty face of his was more trouble than it was worth. And that was saying something.

When I didn't hear a response I thought maybe he had left, but didn't have time to turn around and check. Before something struck me sharply in the back of my head. I felt air leave my lungs, but this was of my own free will, I was shocked. My vision blurred and I felt myself fall, only to be caught before I could even hit the ground. Not only did the darkness make it hard to see, I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or not.

Only when a silhouette loomed over me did I realize my eyes were open. I didn't speak though, and only heard the young man's voice above me quietly, "Sorry Raymond..." His words were the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.

What an asshole.