Of Thieves And Do Gooders

“Raven…?”

I ignored the attempt to gain my attention.

A short silence.

“…Raven!” Hayden snapped me out of my reverie with a jolt.

“My God, what?” I snapped, pulling my attention away from the window, now realizing that the scenery I had been watching in a blur had become stationary.

“You were spacing, and we’re here,” Hayden replied simply, lifting his eyebrows questioningly.

“Oh, sorry,” I muttered and pushed the door to the car open to step out onto the pavement.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to poke fun at him over the car that he drove, since he refused to take his silver Volvo. Instead he drove a black Mustang. I liked it way better than the Volvo, but didn’t bother telling him as such. I think I actually forever ruined the Volvo for him…

Awesome.

That aside, I started to stroll through the parking lot up to where the main door to the mall was. Once again, Hayden had taken me to the mall for a last minute Christmas present, which was so very cliché but also my best bet to finding something for Jack. But I still had no idea what to get him. He got me a freaking Ninja, how was I supposed to compete with that? I would have to settle for something meaningful and significant instead. But what could I get him? We didn’t have any inside jokes I could play off of, nor did I have any idea what sort of books he liked to read, what music he liked--I couldn’t get him anything like that.

“Don’t wait up or anything,” Hayden commented at my side, after jogging to catch up.

“Shh, I need thinking time…” I said exaggeratedly, holding my hand up like an old prophet begging silence.

Hayden just rolled his eyes. “You don’t need to think about it, I’m doing all the work for you. I’ll know something my dad wants when I see it,” he explained, following me into the overcrowded mall.

I sneered back at him. “What’s a gift from me if I don’t even pick it out? That’s like you getting him a gift that I paid for!” I pointed out promptly.

“I’m sorry, did you or did you not want my help?” Hayden inquired in a snotty sort of way that made me want to hit him. But I refrained, because I did indeed want his help, but only a small portion of it.

“I only want some help, it’s not your complete choice in the matter,” I replied knowledgably. I flipped my hair haphazardly over my shoulder for something to do--wow to have long hair again, it still hadn’t quite settled in. I would have to flip it around a lot more to get used to it.

“Okay, only ‘some help’? Well, what if I just point you in the general direction of something he might like?” Hayden offered.

“Nope, don’t like that idea,” I shot down the suggestion instantly. What I wanted to do was brainstorm with him so that I could come up with something on my own.

Hayden snorted his annoyance and grabbed my shoulder from behind, stopping me in my tracks. He then proceeded to turn me around to face him. “Okay, you said you wanted my help, so what kind of help do you want? Did you just want to drag me along as a chauffeur? Or do you just like having me around that much?” he asked in a gruff tone that I assumed was meant to be condescending.

Hell yeah I liked having him around. But, that wasn’t really why I wanted him there. I wanted him as some sort of silent statue support that would let me pick a gift and tell me it was wonderful, no matter how crappy it really was. Something clicked then and I mused aloud, “Something pretty and impractical.”

Hayden paused. “What? That doesn’t even answer my question,” he stated grumpily.

I turned and gave him a look that said I could really care less about his sarcastic question. “Like the Observatory in your house,” I told him as if that answered all the questions regarding Life’s mysteries.

He stared at me like I was the idiot. “Mind sharing more than just parts of your thought process? It makes it a little hard to keep up with you,” Hayden retorted, looking irritated. That seemed to be a common look for him though.

“My God, keep up will ya? I need to get your dad something pretty and impractical.”

Hayden looked at me then said simply, “A hooker.”

My lips twitched at the corner in a ghost of a smile and then I answered, “I said ‘impractical’ not ‘immoral’…and ‘pretty’ not ‘disease ridden’.”

Hayden’s lips pulled into a small smile as if he had been enlightened. “Ohh, right, my bad, gotcha.”

“So-o…” I turned in a half circle, gesturing around where we were standing, “any ideas on where to start?” I inquired.

He shrugged. “You heard my idea…but either way I don’t think you could find one around the mall…so, I have no idea what you would want to get him, since I wouldn’t think of getting my dad anything ‘pretty’.” Hayden put the word “pretty” in quotations.

I rolled my eyes. “Why am I bringing you along again?” I asked sarcastically.

Another shrug. “You like my driving skills?” he offered with a slight smirk.

I snorted, revealing my innermost lady-like charm and replied, “Right, I love that when you drive me places and I have to hold onto the oh-shit bar constantly.” I made sure to layer my voice with the perfect amount of sarcasm.

I paused and bit my lip, looking slowly at the stores surrounding me. I had absolutely nothing to offer Jack Crawford at that particular moment. With that thought in mind, I scowled.

And then it clicked. I knew exactly what I was going to get him. It was sort of lame and a really shitty gift, but it would be perfect.

“Hey, let’s get out of here, I’m done,” I told Hayden with a thoughtful smirk playing across my lips.

“What?” Hayden gave me a strange look. “You didn’t even buy anything,” he reminded me as if I had forgotten.

“Yeah, I know, I can’t get it here, so let’s go,” I said as I turned back toward the main entrance.

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Hayden said from behind me, walking quickly to keep up. “You had me drive you here so that you could get nothing and then turn around and walk off?” he asked incredulously.

I hesitated a step, pretending to be in thought and then smiled innocently at him and replied, “Yep.”

“Good God, we’re in an economic crisis and you just pissed away valuable gas money,” Hayden complained with a scowl in my direction.

“I don’t remember pissing at all, so I think you’re sadly mistaken,” I answered sarcastically.

“You know what I meant.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Your mom’s impossible,” I shot back, attempting to keep my face straight and failing. How I loved bad “your mom” jokes.

“You’re retarded,” Hayden informed me with a slight chuckle.

I shrugged and got into the car, accepting the statement from him. If he wanted to call me retarded then fine, I had been known to imitate the mentally challenged under certain circumstances. So, maybe that statement was perhaps a little justified…

_____________________________________

When we got back to the house I caught a glimpse of Leon in the front yard. Which was awesome news for me, since I still had his gifts and I didn’t want to haul them all the way back to Shadowstep with me. Unfortunately, he seemed to be playing basketball with Damion, who was one of the last people that I wanted to see. I was done cleaning up one mess, and now I had to deal with another. Leon was the only boy I knew that I hadn’t completely screwed up with. Which is why, obviously, I was more happy to see him.

Hayden parked the car in the driveway as opposed to the cover of the extensive garage. I hopped out of the car as he put the car in park and straightened my coat for something to do. First things first, I was giving Leon his presents before he had to leave. Even though, by the looks of it, he didn’t seem to be getting ready to leave immediately.

As I approached the makeshift basketball court (which was composed of two trashcans on either side of a long stretch of concrete), Leon stole a glance in my direction and grinned, forgetting completely about dribbling the ball in his possession. Damion took that chance to steal the ball away and score a point for himself.

“Hey Dickfor!” Leon objected with a frown as Damion threw his hands up in triumph.

Damion was grinning mockingly at Leon, still proud of his recently scored point. “Don’t be mad that you lack focus young grasshopper,” he mocked with a small laugh and then added, “and what the hell is a ‘dickfor’?”

I bit my lower lip to keep from laughing but failed miserably and burst into laughter along with Leon.

“Guess you wouldn’t know, would ya Dame?” Hayden jeered, with a wicked smile on his lips.

It took Damion a moment to process what had been said and then he flushed a shade of scarlet. “Oh, shut the fuck up you assholes,” he demanded indignantly, but still was unable to keep from smiling to himself.

I laughed too, enjoying the moment thoroughly, since it reminded me of when I had first showed up at Shadowstep Academy. When I was just the wimpy kid that was Hayden’s roommate, and when the most of my worries was someone finding out my real gender and getting me kicked out of the school. Before I had to play a part between Hayden and Damion, before I had to try and keep a girl off of me because as it turned out, Hayden really liked her.

I sighed mentally at these thoughts and my laughter died away slowly as I watched Leon and Damion shove each other. Never mind that their antics might knock one of them over onto the concrete and cause them to slip into a coma. They made it some unknown game amongst themselves.

Leon shoves Damion into trashcan, ten points. Damion shoves Leon back and he stumbles over rock, four points. And if either of them managed to knock the other over, then it was game over for whoever had fallen.

Or, at least that was how I pretended the game went.

More or less they were just shoving each other and grinning like perverts hiding in the girls locker room.

“Hey, Leon,” I called, drawing his attention away from the struggling Damion, of which he had put in a headlock. “D’you want your presents or not?” I inquired as if he had been intentionally stalling with the knowledge that he even had presents from me.

Leon almost threw Damion to the ground in his haste to get over to where I was standing. “Mine first! I call it, so you guys, can suck it!” Leon called, pointing his finger at Damion and Hayden. “I can have my stuff first, right?” he asked under his breath, sounding like his excitement was going to explode out of him.

I grinned. “Sure, but only if you open it early and wave it in front of Damion and Hayden’s faces,” I compromised.

Leon gave a cry of excitement and pumped his fist in the air, then proceeded to tell Damion and Hayden to “suck it” all the way to the front door. He was certainly holding up his end up the bargain.

Once I gave Leon his presents he tore them open, after grinning like a mad scientist when he saw the wrapping paper of choice. He assured me that Barbie was his favorite plastic doll of all time, and that he was honored to have to tear her face apart to get to his gifts. He seemed to like all of his gifts, because he didn’t stop grinning the entire time he opened them. He even referred to the copy of Dead Or Alive 4 as a “new Frisbee”.

With a litter of wrapping paper, bows and ribbon strewn across the floor, Leon had his Affliction shirt over his broad chest and his previous shirt splayed across the couch. However, right after that moment, Leon had to leave, he had a plane to catch to get back to his own house before his mother flipped out on him. So Hadyen, Damion and I said goodbye and walked him out to the limo that would take him to the airport.

I lingered a little at the edge of the driveway as the limo disappeared into the distance. There was a pang of loss somewhere in my chest, even though I knew I’d see him again soon, once we were both back at Shadowstep Academy. More than that, I was stuck with Hayden and Damion. Even worse than being stuck with those two, I still had to single out Damion and tell him to step off, because I kissed him like an idiot, and so I had to attempt to explain myself. And hopefully, I wouldn’t go off and tell him about my menstrual cycle when I attempted to do it.

“Raven?” Hayden called from somewhere behind me. I turned to look at him sidelong and he smiled a little and said, “You coming inside? Or are you gonna stand there like a widow that lost her husband at sea?”

“Ha, ha,” I deadpanned and turned around to face him completely, taking note that Damion was already gone. Damn, lost the chance to corner him already. I can’t say I was that disappointed though. “I’m coming,” I informed him and started to walk toward him.

“Ew, didn’t need to know that,” Hayden stated, making a face of disgust in my direction.

I hesitated, thought back to what I had said and scowled. “Oh my God you sick-o! Wanna get me something for Christmas? Try pulling your mind out of the gutter for a day,” I said dramatically, grinning when he shoved my shoulder and almost sent me stumbling into the bushes.

“Alright, I just won’t give you the other thing then,” Hayden replied with a shrug, not even stumbling when I attempted to shove him back. Fat ass.

We were just in the doorway of the main hall when that registered. “Wait a minute. What?”

“You heard me.”

“Okay, fine, be a dirty-minded little pervert all you want, as long as I get the real present,” I said. “Oh, and by the way, just you know, since we’re mentioning it…what is this real present of yours anyway?”

“Oh, I guess I could tell you,” Hayden replied, putting a thoughtful finger to his chin. He stopped in the hall and gestured for me to lean in close. I raised a suspicious eyebrow but complied with his request. He whispered in my ear, “It’s this thing called…you-don’t-get-to-know-shit-about-it-until-Christmas.”

I shoved him against the wall and he laughed. “Jack ass,” I spat the name at him but couldn’t keep the smile from my lips.

“I can’t believe you thought I was actually gonna tell you,” Hayden said with another laugh.

“Yeah, well, shut up, last time I ever put my trust in you,” I informed him with a scoff.

“Whatever, next thing you know you’ll be telling me your deepest, darkest secret.” Hayden put the tips of his index and middle fingers to his temple and said, “You have a crush on Derek Fairborn, don’t you?” He smiled devilishly, and ducked away from the swing I took at his head, laughing again.

“Wow, am I that transparent?” I asked in a tone similar to that of an overdramatic flustered teenage girl.

…I think I just insulted myself.

Shaking that thought away, I pried myself away from Hayden’s company with a lame excuse which consisted of me embarrassing myself for about the hundredth time in his presence. I told him I had to shave my legs because I felt like Sasquatch. I’ll admit, I could have picked a more delicate choice of words. On the bright side, he gladly let me leave without questioning me further.

Now for the real chore, that I somehow felt compelled to take care of. Talking to Damion. The only problem was, I had no idea where to look for him. It was a pretty safe bet that he hadn’t left the house, so that narrowed down my search by a miniscule amount.

After a few minutes of searching, I found him sitting on the back deck, staring off into the distance. The cool winter breeze cause me to shiver as I approached him. My footsteps had been silent until the last few feet stretching between us, where my feet made small crunching noises through the snow. Damion turned his head curiously and his eyes locked onto me. He stood up, paused and then smiled at me. It looked like he would have preferred to run as far away from me as possible, rather than stand there smiling like a goon.

“Hey,” I said as a greeting.

“Hey,” he replied.

That was a good start. “Whatcha doin’ out here? Looking for some frostbite?” I inquired jokingly.

Damion smiled at that, but didn’t quite manage a chuckle. “Yeah, something like that.”

“So…uh…” I muttered down at my feet, trying not to beat around the bush, but I also wasn’t sure what to say. I would have to wing it.

“How are you feeling?” Damion asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Huh?”

“You know, since being have frozen to death. How are you? No fever or anything?” he clarified.

“Oh, nah. I’m feeling pretty good actually.”

“I’m glad to hear that…really.” A tone of sincerity leaked into his casualness and I shifted slightly.

I feigned a laugh. “Yeah. Me too.”

“While--” Damion bit his lower lip and stopped his sentence, then he laughed a little awkwardly. “Never mind.”

The tenseness between us was almost unbearable. I hated that this was what had become of any sort of friendship I had had with him. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any real time to dwell on that. Because he was trying to talk again.

“So, did you need somethin’?” he asked a little reluctantly. I could practically feel his “go away” vibes hitting me in the face.

“Well I sorta wanted to talk to you, about…well, the other night.” I didn’t really. But I had to for some Godforsaken reason. I didn’t want him gunning for me, I just wanted things to be normal between us again. Chances were that we’d never be the same, because that’s what happened to people who were friend’s with people of the opposite gender. As I was beginning to find out. But hopefully, we’d be able to retain some sort of normalcy.

“Ah, um, okay, what about it?” Damion asked. He was playing stupid. Judging by how much he was shifting around uncomfortably, he knew exactly what I was talking about and why it was that I wanted to talk about it.

“It…it was an accident,” I told him, not really able to bring myself to look at him when I said it.

There was a long silence that made me want to just go back inside. But I stayed and waited for any sort of response he might have to that.

“Accident…” Damion repeated finally and I looked up to see that his face was pained, to some degree, after any attempt he had made to remain neutral. “But…it meant something, didn’t it? I mean, there was something there, I know it because I felt it…” he trailed off, sounding confused.

I had felt something. But I was pretty sure it wasn’t what he had felt. It was the electrifying sense of having my first real kiss. It had nothing to do with any sort of physical attraction I might have to Damion. He was cute, I had to admit, but that wasn’t enough, there was nothing in my emotions that classified him as anything other than a friend. I didn’t get butterflies in my stomach just from looking at him, I didn’t get tongue-tied just by talking to him, he didn’t make me want to change who I was, just so I could better suit him. He was just…Damion.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t replied until I realized he was staring at me. “It…I don’t know why I did it, and I’m sorry if I…if I gave you the wrong idea,” I stammered, watching as I practically ripped out his still beating heart and ate it in front of him. That’s how he was looking at me anyway.

“You’re not even giving us a chance!” he exclaimed, taking a single step toward me.

Don’t run, I ordered myself. He was pushing himself at me, which was only making me back off more quickly. Of course I wasn’t giving “us” a chance, because I didn’t ever, in any way, want there to be an “us”.

“I know, that’s because I don’t want to add you and me together and get that particular pronoun. I don’t want us to be a couple, I don’t want to date you and I won’t try it simply because you think there’s a spark that I’m not seeing.” The words rushed out of my mouth in a heap that I couldn’t stop.

Damion looked crushed, and I knew I hadn’t picked the right choice of words. They were my words though and I didn’t regret them. He was too fragile for me. I didn’t want to date someone that I would have to act differently around just so I wouldn’t hurt his feelings. I kept these thoughts to myself, however.

He seemed to be at a loss for words for a long moment. So I decided to add onto my statement, “Hate me if you want to, if you have to, but…I don’t really want you to.” Without giving him a chance to respond to that, I did what my body had been begging me to do for the past several tense minutes. I left.

I went to my room after that. I didn’t sleep too well that night.