Of Thieves And Do Gooders

"Skull...there's a skull!" I whispered fiercely in Hayden's ear, jabbing him continually in the side, although my eyes were still glued to the foreboding object.

"What? Hey! Stop that," Hayden ordered, hitting me in the forehead with his palm and turning back to whatever he had been doing.

Okay, that was unnecessary. I glared at him, deciding whether or not I wanted to push him over the railing. Thinking of the mess it would make, I decided against it.

Feeling huffy, and--moving a little more femininely than boyishly possible--I walked over to the railing just above the pool of slimy green ooze that I had classified as "water". I grimaced at the sight of the body of water. Then, remembering that I was supposed to be annoyed, I let out a huff of air and leaned heavily against the railing, pooching out my bottom lip even though no one could see me.

A horrible drawn out creak resounded throughout the room.

Uh-oh.

My eyes widened as the railing creaked and groaned beneath my weight only seconds before it crumbled. I let out a yell of surprise as I fell from the platform straight into the green water.

I thought of screaming while I was in the water, just because I was so disgusted, but refrained when I imagined getting any of the liquid in my mouth. Frantically, I waved my arms through the water, and tried to do something with my feet. What I considered swimming others might have considered an impression of a retarded donkey with two broken legs trying to climb a ladder.

Oh, this might be a good time to point out that I don't know how to swim.

I felt my pulse pounding in my head as my oxygen slowly faded and my flailing became tiresome. No matter how hard I flung my arms in every direction, I seemed to be perpetually sinking.

I tried to open my eyes, and perhaps see if there was something to grab on to, but, the moment my eyes were exposed to the water they began to burn. It might have been my imagination, but I snapped them shut again anyway. I wasn't about to have my eyeballs burned out of their sockets.

Oh. My. God. I was going to die.

I realized this instantly as I could no longer flail my arms, instead, they drifted helplessly above my head as I continued to sink.

I began make apologies in my head:

Mom, I'm sorry I threw the fish out the window, but it kept staring at me when I was watching TV.

Geist, I know you were just a stray cat, but I'm sorry I blamed the whole fish thing on you.

Dad, I'm sorry I dyed your sheepskin rug purple, I thought you liked the disco era.

Raymond...I'm sorry I stole your name and pretended to be you when I enrolled in a school for thieves and became a thief when you really wanted me to get an honest job.

And Hayden, I'm sorry I didn't push you over the railing, because then maybe I wouldn't be drowning right now.

Once I'd began apologizing to dead grand parents, my mind blurred and I blacked out.
__________________________________________________________

Oww!

I shot upwards into a sitting position, coughing and sputtering green water across the cobblestone floor. The cause of my sudden awakening: Someone pounding on my chest.

I completely forgot about the pain on the pending bruise on my chest and stared, horrified at the green liquid that had emerged from my lungs.

"I'm gonna get AIDS," I groaned, rolling over onto my stomach.

"Raymond, that doesn't even make sense," someone argued, then carefully, the same someone lifted my head and seemed to be checking the back of it.

Tch, like I'd hit my head. I was fine, I was just going to get AIDS from toxic green water where fish do "it"...if any fish actually survived in such a hazardous environment.

Okay, fish don't really do "it" but I almost drowned, I can make any accusations I want.

I turned my eyes to see that it was Hayden that had practically called me an idiot, go figure. I sat up, pushing his hand away from my head,

"I didn't hit my head, I'm just weird," I told him firmly, shaking my head and throwing water in every direction.

"Right, I guess I almost forgot," Hayden chuckled, then more seriously asked, "Do you know another Raymond? Like your dad or something?"

I stiffened noticeably, then relaxed again, there was no way he found anything out, I was overreacting, "No, why?"

"'Cause, when I...Er...woke you up, you called me--"

I cut into his sentence, "Wait. What? You gave me the kiss of death?" I demanded wildly, although I would've been less outraged if I was being a straight girl at that moment. But alas, I was a straight boy.

"No! I gave you CPR you ungrateful klutz! And I’m pretty sure it’s know as the ‘kiss of life’ moron." He pushed me back so that I was laying down again and I could see that his cheeks had colored slightly.

Ha! I had embarrassed him! Awesome.

Then, my conscience kicked in and told me that I should show more gratitude toward someone who had just saved my life.

Laughing a little I sat up again, and said in a sincere tone, "Seriously though...er...I'm no good at this but...thanks, you know for...saving my life, and all." I looked at Hayden to gauge his reaction and couldn't keep myself from thinking how cute he looked even with green water dripped from his hair and face. I imagined I looked something close to the same as him.

"It was nothing," Hayden replied with a shrug, although I could easily see the cockiness rise into his features.

"You guys okay?" I heard Laura call.

I looked up and flashed her a thumbs up sign and she seemed to relax.

"C'mon." Hayden stood up and helped me up as well, "We should get back up there, I doubt there's anything down here that we need to do, since the door's up there."

I pulled his shoulder backwards and he stumbled, turning back to glare at me. "What now?" He grumbled.

"What you just said, isn't that what Mrs. Killin Me would want us to think?" I reasoned simply.

"...Mrs. What? Killin Me? That's a new one, when did you even--"

I interrupted him again, "No, no, no, you're missing the point. Haven't they taught you anything here? Never expect the obvious, chances are they thought of it already." I pressed the fingertips of my right hand to my temple, trying to remember something Mrs. Killin Me had said: they way in which it will be used is up to you

So, that meant that by those standards, we could use the keys to throw at a killer bee and possibly make it to the next room. That probably meant she found some off-the-wall use for a key that we would have to find. Anything obvious was evidently a trap.

During my thinking Hayden had begun to pick absently at dirt under his fingernails, apparently noticing that I was thinking about something. "Anything obvious is a trap,” I murmured aloud, rolling the thought around in my head.

"What?" Hayden inquired, abandoning his thoughtless task.

"Anything obvious is a trap," I repeated, "So, if there's a lock on that door when we get to it, then chances are it won't even be locked, or the lock will exploded if we put a key in it," I elaborated.

"That's crazy," Hayden muttered, although it sounded like he was considering the thought, "Although, Mrs. Lillany is a bit of a loon..."

"Then I'm right!" I smiled when he turned his eyes on me, looking incredulous.

"I guess so," he said reproachfully, not liking the idea of complications.

My eyes widened when I heard something Laura said: "Hey! What are you doing?" Unfortunately I could only hear half the conversation, "A key hole?...I guess...but be care--" She didn't get to finish her sentence when I heard the one thing I feared most when it came to these "tests" a sharp click.

I gasped. "Shit."

My head snapped up to the ceiling and I saw a portion of the ceiling shift and fold in on itself--which was strange to see in a stone room--creating a hole the size of a doughboy swimming pool.

And from this new hole something began to roll out, something big.

My eyes widened as a low rumbling circulated through out the room, reverberating and becoming louder. Then, quite suddenly it rose to a roar and a boulder found its way out of the new hole and spilled into the very room we were standing in.

My eyes worked quickly to assess the situation and found the large stair case that Hayden and I were now standing in front of. The stairs had disappeared and a ramp had taken its place.

"Ohhh, no...oh no, no, no, no!" I pulled myself in one direction then stopped looking quickly around at our surroundings. We were in a bowl. Once the boulder rolled down the ramp and into the bowl, it would mow down whoever was in the way and drag them to the bottom of that pool, which was surprisingly deep, and I doubted anyone would be able to hold their breath that long and survive being crushed by a ten ton boulder.

"Shit!" I shouted, grabbing Hayden's hand and pulling him behind me, but I let go when I was sure he was following me.

Vaguely I heard the Indiana Jones theme song playing dramatically in my mind and I imagined Hayden wearing Indiana Jones' oh-so-famous get-up while grabbing me around the waist and swinging us to safety with his handy-dandy whip.

However, Hayden wasn't Indiana Jones, and he didn't have a whip. So, my little fantasy was out of luck.

"What are you doing?" I heard Hayden shout behind me.

Oh, the little fool. He'd made the mistake of assuming I had a plan and that's why I was running in that general direction. How disappointed he'd be when we were both floating to the top of that green pool after we'd been crushed like ants under a fat kid's shoe.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I yelled back, not able to find any other words to describe what I was thinking.

"You don't have a plan?" Hayden sounded horrified. Hell, I was horrified!

"I don't see you coming up with one!" I snapped back and sprinted to the wall on the opposite side of the room. Frantically, I ran my fingers over the stones looking for something, anything that might help with situation. I came up empty and turned to face Hayden with a terrified expression.

"Hayden?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you man." I said dramatically, accepting that I was going to be crushed by a giant boulder. This was karma getting back at me for all the pick pocketing and break-ins.

"Shut up! We're not going to die!"

"No, seriously, I love you, and I'm gonna miss you."

"Raymond I swear to God, I'm gonna--"

...They way in which it will be used is up to you…

An idea clicked in my head and I snatched the golden key from around my neck, ignoring the next words from Hayden's mouth. Without a second thought, I flung my key, full-force at the boulder--which was less than one hundred feet away--and it ricocheted off of the boulder like a marble on a trampoline.

"What the hell did you expect that to do?" Hayden shot impatiently when he realized what I'd thrown.

"I don't know! Something useful!"

At that moment, I yelped when something stuck into the wall beside my head. I turned quickly to see that the key had somehow bounced back in my direction and stabbed the wall. I wrapped my fingers around the key and tugged persistently on it, trying to un-lodge it.

"What are you doing? We have to move!" Hayden shouted, pulling on my shoulder.

I tugged free of him, and with an exasperated huff I jerked the key to the side, and, to my surprise, it moved. My eyes widened and I moved it again, this time downward, next to the side and then up again. I was carving a door before I even realized it. Once I'd finished I thrust my shoulder against the new door I was trying to create and the stone crumbled beneath me. I shrieked as I fell into the hole I'd made.

"Hayden!" I yelled, as a queue for him to follow me, not rescue me.

However, he seemed to misinterpret my shout, for he dove in after me like I'd fallen into the water again. I crawled blindly deeper into the wall, where the stones became thicker and yelled again, "Hayden! This way!"

I heard Hayden scurrying after me, also on his hands and knees from what I could tell. There was a sound similar to a sonic boom, and powdered rocks whooshed through the tunnel I'd uncovered. I coughed and slowed to a stop where I sat and pulled my shirt over my mouth and nose.

Hayden bumped into me, his head colliding with my elbow, and grumbled something before stopping and groping my face.

"H-hey! Quit it!" I protested, slapping his hand away.

"Sorry, its damn dark in here," Hayden said unenthusiastically. "Do you see a way out?" he asked.

I squinted, but couldn't even see my own hand in front of my face when I waved it through the air. "No," I answered, disappointed.

"Great."

"Well at least we aren't dead," I pointed out.

"I guess, but I'm not too keen on the idea of being stuck in a wall where we'll die slowly of starvation!" Hayden shot back, irritated.

I scowled, then with an evil smirk I turned in my sitting position and flipped him off, then returned to my regular position.

"What did you just do?" he wanted to know.

"Nothin'," I said quickly.

He obviously chose to ignore me, but I knew what I'd done and I was content, since I did win that little argument.

"What now?" I asked after awhile of silence.

"I don't know. Have we hit a dead end?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, why don't we see where this goes then?"

"Can you stand up?" I asked, not wanting to be the one that hit my head on something hard.

There was some shuffling and then Hayden said, "Yeah, it's pretty roomy in here actually."

I stood up too, waving my hands above me and still not hitting the ceiling. "Let's go then." I started to stumbled forward and paused with a small gasp.

"What? What is it?" Hayden asked, probably thinking I'd come across a deadly snake.

"I-I'm glowing!" I breathed, turning to face him and gesturing to my chest where a blue light was sitting patiently.