Hey, Ho, Why Can't We Go?

Bang!

The smile on my face soon faded to confusion-mostly fear. I could hear screams of the audience soon after and a bright red flare quickly flew to the celling. Shards and chunks of celling fell to the floor and on some of the audience. Somewhere next to me I could hear Librus yelling and the screams of Ayria. Everything was happening so fast- my mind was racing. My eyes couldn’t focus on just one thing and sounds were blurring together to just make noise. Loud noise. Somewhere in between I heard Gavin’s voice.

“Veanna! Veanna!” he repeated, yelling in my direction. He ran over and pulled me back.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t do anything but close my eyes and cover my ears.

Suddenly I was pulled forward and I fell. An unfamiliar hand soon grasped my arm and yanked it away from my head. Tears were filling my eyes and I opened them to find a huge man with a security guard jacket on pulling me back up. I felt relieved for the slightest second until I turned to find about five or six other security guards grabbing my other band mates forcefully. Something did not feel right here. The one holding my arm yanked me back and picked me up. I kicked, screamed, and begged him to let me go but nothing would cut it; he was too strong. He swung me over his shoulder like I wasn’t even fighting back. He just kept carrying me back behind stage and I couldn’t tell where we were going anymore. My vision was blurring from all my tears. The sound was still mixed but it was getting fainter. Farther and farther away.

I closed my eyes again when my body gave up on me and cried until I was thrown on the ground. He had thrown me so hard the wind was knocked out of me and I couldn’t breathe. The door slammed and I opened my eyes to see that I was right back in the dressing room we were just in 20 minutes ago. Everything just the same as we left it. The furniture, the beer bottles, the clothes. Everything. But instead of coming back to see this an hour or two later, all sweaty and pumped from playing an amazing show, I’m here now. Laying on the floor, unable to breathe- or even function properly. I mustered up as much will as I could to drag myself over to the corner of the room and lay there- crying and drowning in my own fear.

For what seemed like an eternity, I was alone. Until my cries were interrupted by voices behind the door. One familiar and one not. One louder, angrier, and the other cold. Both were now becoming clearer as they got closer.

“Fucking- Let me go!” I heard the familiar voice yell.

“Shut up!” The other replied.

The door swung open and someone was thrown in.

Librus!

He quickly stood back up and was pounding on the door. “You fucking bastard! Open this bloody door!” he yelled as he frantically kicked and punched the door.

I cried harder knowing that there was not going to be a way out. These guys didn’t seem like the type to show mercy to anything.

Librus had heard me and swiftly turned to see me. “No, Veanna,” he said softly. He ran over to where I was and quickly cradled me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and cried harder.

“Veanna,” Librus whispered as he tried to calm me down. I was at the point of choking as I was crying. “Veanna it’s going to be okay. Shh... shh.” He rocked me back and forth. It wasn’t working and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

I can’t do this...

May 18th, 2004

“Do you feel safe behind your closed doors?
Why do you hide when one can see through your windows?
Do I see a man less than me, or a man more than I?
I’d peal back every single lie, if I could, for you to find what’s real.”

Veanna hummed along as she played her acoustic guitar in the park near campus. She had decided to skip classes today and take a break from the world. All she wanted was the cool breeze on the back of her neck, the pressure of the pick on the strings, and the faint vibrations of the strings on her fingers as they slid up and down on the neck. She continued to pluck at the guitar when she was interrupted.

“And I wish I was the one you perceived me to be- but I am... just like the rest,” a voice sang.

Startled, Veanna looked to her left to find a gent about her age standing by her at a safe distance. She glanced at him and gave a small smile as she put her guitar back in it’s case.

“Pardon me, I didn’t mean to scare you off,” he said smoothly. He had this certain way with his words, however, Veanna couldn’t place her finger on it.

“I was just about to leave anyways,” she replied still looking down at her guitar case. She stood up and grabbed the strap of it and swung it over her shoulder.

“Wait,” he took a few steps closer, “So you like Southern Lights?” He slipped his hands in his pockets and smiled at her.

“Mhmm,” she mumbled, nodding. She still didn’t make eye contact. She was now in the awkward position of trying to decide to say “Good day” and make a break for it, or to continue with the conversation this fellow was trying to strike up.

“Well, my name is Librus, by the way,” he held a hand up, trying harder to get something out of her.

“Veanna,” she shook his hand quickly. This time she made eye contact.

Librus smiled and paused before he continued, “Well it is a pleasure to meet you, Veanna.”

She smiled and nodded to indicate “same to you”. Nervously, she started playing with the end of one of her sleeves around her wrist. The awkward pause was getting to her.

“Can you show me how to play it on guitar?” Librus asked kindly as he sat down on the grass.

“Umm...” Veanna paused. At this point, she was leaning more toward the “Good day” and leaving as fast as she could.

Librus patted the spot next to him and she smiled and gave in.

This was the first time Veanna and Librus had met. This is where everything started.