These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

Belladonna's P.O.V.

It had been three weeks since I had last spoken to Gerard, Mikey, Frank or Ray. Three lonely, miserable, long weeks. There had been no Mikey to cheer me up, no Ray to teach me tricks on a skateboard, no Frank to tease and no Gerard to talk art with. I had finally decided it was time. No one needed me, no one wanted me....I was completely alone with no commitments to anything. I had tried to explain myself to Mikey but Ray would always push me away. Frank just waited behind them looking at me with lost, hurt eyes. Damien had taken great joy in me losing my friends and completely focused on trying to crush me. My parents...well they were the same as usual. But yesterday would be the last day they had to suffer with the likes of me, yesterday I got the last instrument for my plan.

I walked into school simply to drop off a letter. I wanted to give it to Mikey but I knew Ray would tear it up before he'd be able to read it. I walked up to the art room and stopped before the door. I deliberated for a second then I swallowed hard and carefully took my hood off. I let my hair fly around my face and then walked in. Gerard glanced up and then froze in shock. I walked up to him and quickly scribbled a note.
Please give this to Mikey. Tell him to open it tonight, and tell him not to let Ray tear it up. He'll regret it otherwisemaybe
"Y-you have your hood off..." he stuttered in shock.
I gave him a sad look and nodded. I looked down and reached in to grab the letter when I felt the hair get moved away from my face. I looked up in fear at Gerard.
"Why do you hide yourself? Your scars only demonstrate that you're real and you're not a fake," Gerard said softly.
My heart pounded in my chest and I froze. This was why I wore my hood. Being out here, exposed to everyone scared me.
Gerard, you're scaring me...please stop it. I thank you for your comment but this is scaring me
He pressed his lips together and moved back. He let go of my hair and asked,
"What do you want me to give to Mikey?"
It's just a letter. I want him to keep it. Even if he can't stand the content. Good bye Gerard. And thank you for everything. So long and goodnight
I gave him the letter and then on impulse I kissed his cheek. With that last expression of sentiment I turned and walked out of his life. I dodged past everyone before I burst into a run and sprinted away from that hell.

Gerard's P.O.V.

Holy fuck! She kissed me...on the cheek, but still. Her lips were every bit as soft as I'd imagined them to be. However, there was something wrong with her. I could tell, my gut was screaming that something was wrong and I could see it in her movements and her eyes. Fuck, I'd forgotten how beautiful she was. I'd love to draw her, she was almost designed to be a model. I looked down at the envelope in my hands and a sense of foreboding came over me. I flipped it over and in the corner in her writing I could see a small verse.
"Can you hear me? Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again when both our cars collide?"
I frowned, that sounded somewhat ominous. I sighed and set the letter down beside me.
Luckily today was the day where I had Mikey's class up first.

I pondered over the meaning of the verse and the letter as I waited anxiously for Mikey to walk in. It had only been 15 minutes since Belladonna left and the feeling in my gut was getting worse. Finally, Mikey walked in with his friend Frank. I hopped on one foot and Mikey laughed at me.
"You got ants in your pants or something?" he chuckled.
"Mikey, Belladonna dropped by 15 minutes ago to give me this letter to give to you. She wants you to keep it despite the content in it," I blurted.
Mikey and Frank both looked apprehensively at the letter in my hand and I saw several conflicting emotions play over his face before a shutter dropped down. I frowned, he hadn't been able to do that before, not having Belladonna around was bad for him.
"Okay. I'll read it tonight," Mikey said dismissively.
"Mikey, I have a really bad feeling about this letter. It started when she left and each second it gets worse," I said anxiously.
Mikey's eyes flickered to the letter.
"If you want to read it so bad then just read it. I'd end up showing it to you anyway," Mikey said.
If it had been any other letter I would have left it for Mikey to open but not this one. I quickly tore it open and began to read.
Mikey, Gerard, Frank and Ray.
If all goes to plan, I should be dead by the time you read this.
I couldn't go without saying goodbye.
Mikey, I'm sorry for what I said three weeks ago. I tried to say sorry later that day but you left before my sorry could actually be said. And if I'd ever try to talk to you after that Ray would shove me away. I've been a mess without you, my best friend, my brother. I love you.
Ray and Frank, thank you for sticking up for me that time in the cafeteria. You guys are awesome. Ray, I don't blame you for a thing. and Frank, I'm sorry for hurting you. Eat more Skittles and ride more skateboards my awesome, rock-a-delic friends.
And Gerard, thank you for being artsy, thank you for being someone who didn't hate me. Thank you for trying to be there for me the first time you drove me home and thank you for saving me from Damien. Don't feel bad about being loyal to Mikey. You guys are brothers. It's what you do.
Everyone, I'm sorry for hurting Mikey and Frank and causing this huge tiff.
Thank you for all being my first friends in nine years.
I'm sorry.
Belladonna/Bells/Bella/Deli
P.S. Don't any of you dare feel bad. I've had this planned for months. I just didn't have the right time to go through with it...until now.
P.P.S. "Back home, off the run,
Singing songs that make me slit my wrists.
It isn't this fun, staring down a loaded gun?
So I won't stop dying, won't stop lying,
If you want I'll keep on crying.
Did I get what I deserve?
Is this what you always want me for?
I miss you, I miss you so far
And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard
Way down, way down..."

I let the letter flutter to the floor as the world swam before my eyes in horror. I swayed on the spot and stumbled down onto one knee. I could dimly hear Frank and Mikey talking to me asking what's wrong, the customary stuff, but I ignored it.
"We have to find her!" I cried.
Terror was making its way through my chest. Images were flashing behind my eyes, each one of various suicides.
"Who?" Frank asked.
"Bells!" I heard Mikey cry in agony.
I looked at him and I could see tears streaming down his cheeks. The note was in his hands. I slapped myself and pulled myself together as I stood up.
"Frank you get Ray, tell him it's an emergency Bella's about to commit suicide and Mikey, you're coming with me. We've all got each others cells so let's go," I ordered.
"Suicide?" Frank whispered.
I looked at him and I could see tears in his eyes. I rubbed my temples and nodded. I then took the letter from Mikey and gave it to Frank.
"Do not let Ray tear it up," I glanced at Mikey and dropped my voice, "Just in case we don't make it in time."
Frank nodded stiffly and ignoring the yells of Mrs. Lake I grabbed both Mikey and Frank and hauled ass.

Mikey and I immediately bolted out of school for the crossroads.
"I'll see if she went to say goodbye to James. I'll call you after," Mikey said.
I gave him a brief nod but he was already tearing down the street for Starbucks. I decided that I'd check out her place and see if she was there.
I'd taken about two steps when I heard a series of gunshots coming from the park.
'Isn't this fun, staring down a loaded gun?'