These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

Belladonna's P.O.V.

Sunlight burned the backs of my eyes as my eyes fluttered open. I groaned and blinked hard a few times to get used to the light. All at once I remembered last night and what had happened. I turned and found the bed empty next to me. I sighed somewhat disappointed. I had half hoped he'd stay the night but that was stupid, he had to leave. I rolled over and found that Gerard's scent still lingered on the pillow. I smiled softly to myself, at least it had definitely been real. I sat up and then spied my notepad, lying open on my bedside table. I picked it up to see a note written from Gerard.
Hey Belle,
Sorry I've got to go, visiting hours ended so yeah.
Anyway, just letting you know that I haven't forgotten you.
Sleep well.
xoxo Gee.
P.S. I won't tell a soul.
I smiled and gave a breath of relief.
"So, Miss. Sunshine awakens," Gerard said conversationally, strolling into the room.
I raised my hands in questioning as to why he was here.
"Well, Mom wouldn't let Mikester have any more days off school, seeing as he's missed like a week and because I'm not allowed to work there anymore I figured I'd come over and keep you company. Oh, Mikey told James that you were sick and you wouldn't come in to work for like a month. I guess he figured you didn't want James to know about your attempt," Gerard said cheerfully.
I frowned in confusion. I was grateful for Mikey telling James that I was sick, but I couldn't figure out why Gerard wasn't allowed to work at the school anymore. He'd been a great art teacher helper.
Remind me to thank Mikey the next time he comes in, and why aren't you allowed to work at the school anymore?
Gerard laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well when Mikey showed me the letter I kinda freaked out and pulled him, Frank and Ray out of class without a teacher's permission. So they very kindly asked me not to help out anymore," Gerard explained.
I was somewhat touched that they all did that for me, however it still would have been easier for everyone if I'd died. I nodded in response and patted the bed next to me. He smiled and hopped up on the bed next to me.
Hey Gerard, can you do me a favour?
"Sure, anything," he said immediately.
Can you take a tenner out of my bag and buy me a sketchbook and some pencils? Go down to the $2 shop near Starbucks, it's cheap. As the name suggests.
"What pencils?" Gerard asked.
I paused for a moment deliberating. I decided I'd just work with black and white and skin tones. I was in the mood for portraits.
Um, just normal shading ones, and skin tone ones.
"Any particular kind of sketchbook?" he asked.
Just your regular A4 sketchbook. Cheapest one you can get.
"Do you want me to get it now?" he asked.
I looked at him as if he had suddenly sprouted another head.
No, of course not. I'm talking to you, not drawing. Just...when you get the chance/get bored of talking to me.
He smiled at me and shook his head.
"I'm not going to get bored of talking to you any time soon," he said.
I smiled softly and nodded in agreement. He lay back, folding his arms behind his head and I followed suit, resting my head on his arm. I just craved the warmth, comfort and protection he brought. I've heard about cases where when people who have been neglected are introduced to comfort they crave it and I was quickly becoming one of those people. Unfortunately. Gerard gave me a smile and shifted so that his arm was wrapped around me. Gerard had just opened his mouth to speak when the door opened.

We both looked to the door curiously and I went as stiff as a board when I saw them step in. Panic, fear and hatred coursed through my veins and Gerard looked at me concerned, but I ignored the look.
"Hello Miss Collins, we are part of the New Jersey Police Force and we'd like to ask you a few questions," the man said.
He was a tall man, sturdily built and he had an air of confidence about him. I trusted him about as far as I could throw a house. His partner was a stocky woman who looked like she had a permanent scowl on her face. She had her arms crossed and she had an air of hidden menace. I liked Damien more than I liked her. However I just nodded and they stepped closer.
The man looked at Gerard and jerked his head to the door. Both Gerard and I got the message and I narrowed my eyes at his rudeness. I felt Gerard move away but I gripped onto his hand tightly, holding him back.
"I'd prefer if we questioned you alone," the man said.
And I'd prefer not to get questioned at all. So hows about we compromise? And remember, I'm a mute so no torture method of yours is going to get me to talk. And you can't force my hand to write it.
I gave them a smile that was borderline a smirk.
"We would never torture you," the man said.
I rolled my eyes, please, I wasn't so naive.
Because the NJ Police Force is such a fucking reliable police force, and you're all such fucking angels.
Did I mention I hated the police more than my parents?
"Watch your...your language and manners!" the woman spat.
Ever heard of a little thing called freedom of fucking speech? And who are you to talk about manners?! I don't know who the fuck you guys are!
"Don't push it," the woman growled.
Or what? You'll shoot me? Go ahead! I dare you to!
Fuck the police.
I could see the anger behind the woman's eyes and I smirked. I lay back against Gerard and I saw the man about to protest.
No Gerard, no information. Take your pick.
His mouth snapped shut and then he 'tsked' before rolling his eyes and nodding.
"Fine. Well, as you mentioned earlier to my partner, you don't know who we are so would you like an introduction?" he asked.
No because I like talking to strange, creepy adults whom I don't know. Yes, of course you idiot!
The woman clenched her fists and I gave her the 'bring it on' hand signal.
"I am Detective Forrestor and my partner is Detective Rutter," the man said.
I didn't like the way he said 'detective'. He made it sound as if he thought he was better than me, like a king, and I was just a lowly peasant and not worth his time.
"Calm down, don't bite their heads off. I don't want to have to go bail you outta jail," Gerard whispered in my ear.
I laughed quietly to myself and Gerard rubbed my arm comfortingly.
"Okay, so what happened at the park?" 'Detective' Forrestor asked.
Got shot.
"No shit," he muttered.
"For God's sake! Stop being such an immature brat!" Rutter exclaimed.
Why though, this is such fun!
"Is she always like this?" Forrestor asked Gerard tiredly.
"First time I've seen it," Gerard replied.
"Yay us," Rutter muttered sarcastically.
Don't you feel special? See this is something I reserve for the police. 'Cause you're all no good fucks who can never get anything done or do anything good for people!
"Now listen up you little brat, you think you're so tough don't you? You think nothing can hurt you and if you throw unwitty, sarcastic, little insults everything'll just go away well it won't! And believe me, no amount of sarcasm will get you out of juvie any earlier!" Rutter spat.
Both mine and Gerard's faces paled. His was more noticeable than mine though.
"Juvie?" Gerard whispered, horrified.
Unwitty isn't a word. And I never did anything to get my ass landed in juvie.
"Grow up," Rutter snapped, rolling her eyes and ignoring Gerard, "You're a murder suspect. We had an autopsy done on the body in the park. The bullets in his chest are the same as the ones in this gun."
She then held up a plastic bag that held a gun covered in blood. It was my gun. I swallowed hard and Gerard squeezed my arm reassuringly.
"Detectives, Belladonna here would never, and I mean never shoot someone. She would never kill anyone for any reason," Gerard said firmly.
"That remains to be seen. The fact is, the evidence stands against her," Rutter smirked.
Detectives Forrestor and Rutter, my gun is the most common gun in America. And I would be stupid to walk around New Jersey without it. I did not murder the poor guy, that was someone else.
"But why did you have the gun out in the first place?" Forrestor asked.
Because I was looking at it.
He raised an eyebrow at me and Gerard looked at me confused.
"Why don't you just tell them?" he asked in my ear.
Because suicide is a crime.
He looked at me shocked. I nodded to the question in his eyes and then suddenly the paper was wrenched out of Gerard's hand and Rutter was reading it.

I looked at Gerard in terror and I could see that he was scared for me as well. I trembled slightly as both detectives looked at me. I gulped and then I frowned, confused. In their eyes, instead of the anger and annoyance that had previously been in them there was understanding and sympathy.
"Miss Collins, please excuse us for our behaviour. We had no idea what you were dealing with," Forrestor said.
I looked at them warily. Rutter gave me a small smile and suddenly it was like she was 10 years younger and a friend.
"What happened at the park, tell us and we can clear your name," she said gently.
I sighed and looked at the bed. I may as well tell them and go to jail for attempted suicide rather than a false charge of murder.
I was sitting on the slide about to slit my arm when two guys walked into the park. I paid them no heed, what they were doing there was none of my business. So I pulled out my gun and checked to make sure there was a round in there to kill myself with and then set it in my lap. I then slit my arm so that it hit whatever veins/arteries I could and then repeated the process to my other arm. The blood went all over me, and the gun and I picked up the gun in my failing consciousness and pointed it at my head. All of a sudden there was yelling and a series of gunshots and suddenly there was a bullet tearing through my stomach. I instinctively reached down for it while pulling the trigger. The bullet from my gun went into my chest and I collapsed on the slide. Less than a minute later Gerard found me. I swear that's what happened.
"Okay, do you remember what these guys looked like?" Forrestor asked.
One was short, one was tall. I think it was the tall one that shot at me. He had a crew cut and his hair was a mucky brown colour. I can also remember that he had a weird face. It was kinda pear shaped...and he was tanned. That's all I know. I didn't really pay too much attention to them.
"Could you draw us a picture of him?" Rutter asked eagerly, all previous hostility gone.
I nodded and made a quick sketch of him for them. I handed it over and they both smiled at me.
"Thank you, this will be a big help," Forrestor said.
I nodded once and looked at the sheets.
"That's all we need," Rutter said and Forrestor turned and started to leave.
Rutter bit her lip and gently patted my leg.
"Hope you get better hon, being in depression is worse than actually dying. At least death is painless..." Rutter trailed off awkwardly and gave me an encouraging smile.
I looked at her confused, how the hell did she know what it was like? She gave me a knowing smile and in it I could see that she'd been there and done that. I gave her a tentative one back and she left.
"Well...that could have been worse," Gerard said.
I looked at him as if I was doomed.
Gerard, I'm going to jail...
He opened his mouth but Forrestor came running back in the room.
"I forgot to mention, suicide isn't illegal any more. That law disappeared about 5 years ago. So have a good day!" he said and gave me a smile.
I stared at him with my mouth dropped and then at Gerard. He laughed and then jumped out of the bed, pulling me with him. I flung my arms around his neck and he wrapped me in a hug as he spun me around. I laughed as we both got tangled in the wires I was attached to.
"Told you it wasn't so bad," Gerard teased.
I just shook my head, forced Gerard to drop me and worked on getting us untangled while laughing.