These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

Belladonna's P.O.V.

"Okay, so this date has two parts to it. It originally had three but I can't do the last part with your time limit so I had to scratch that," Gerard said.
I don't give a shit about my time limit.
Gerard quickly glanced at the note, speed reading, before turning back to the road.
"Belle, I do not want to get a hole blown through my head because I brought you back after your curfew," Gerard said.
I'll tell her it was my fault. Please? For me?
Gerard speed read the note and sighed.
"Okay, but would you bury me? And carry me to the end?" Gerard asked.
Gerard sometimes had this really fluent way of talking, like he was actually reciting lyrics instead of actually speaking normally.
Yes, Gerard. I will marry you, bury you and carry you to the end.
"Hmmm...that sounds pretty good," Gerard murmured, humming randomly.
"So anyway, as I was saying. This date has three parts to it. And the first part is ice skating!" Gerard declared.
My heart fluttered nervously. I had no idea how to ice skate, and wouldn't it be cold for me in a dress?
Um, Gerard? I don't know how to ice skate. And I'm in a dress. What if I fall?
I tried to communicate my worries in as little words as possible to make it easier for him.
"Sugar, you don't have to worry about a thing. I've been ice-skating for years so I'll teach you and help you. I won't let you fall either. At the very least I will make sure that you fall on me," Gerard said reassuringly, placing his hand on mine and holding it gently.
I smiled lightly and nodded.

We turned up at the ice skating rink and Gerard gave me an eager smile.
"C'mon! Let's grab our skates. I won't let you fall or get hurt," Gerard promised.
I nodded and laced my fingers with his. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He pulled me over to the counter and the girl there smiled.
"Hey, how may I help you today?" she asked brightly.
"Two sessions and two pairs of ice skates please," Gerard replied politely.
"Of course! That'll be fifteen dollars all up," the girl said.
I reached for my/Alicia's bag but Gerard put his hand over mine to stop me.
"Don't you dare even think about it. This is my treat for you," Gerard said, sliding over the desired money.
The girl glanced between us and smiled wider.
"What sizes?" she asked.
"Size ten and...?" Gerard looked at me questioningly.
Size 9 please.
"And a size nine," Gerard finished.
"Coming right up," the girl said cheerfully, going to collect our skates.
I looked hesitantly at the rink and then at my bag. I had no clue what to do with it while we were skating.
"I'll ask her if she can hold onto your bag or something, if you like?" Gerard offered.
I looked up at him and smiled. He was really good at reading me. I nodded gratefully and he smiled at me. He gave my hand a comforting squeeze and I leant into his side. His arm came up to circle around my waist and he held me close. I honestly don't think I could've wiped my smile off if I tried. Gerard pressed a kiss into my temple and my heart leapt. I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back down at me and gently pressed a chaste kiss to my lips before pulling away to smile down at me.
I swear, you will be the death of me.
"But it'll be a happy death won't it?" Gerard asked.
My response was to just grin wider.

Gerard's P.O.V.

"Can you just give me a lap or two to warm up?" I asked Bells after stepping on the ice.
She gave me a heart stopping smile and nodded.
Sure, take as long as you like.
To save us some trouble she'd brought a small notepad and pen that she could keep on her person while skating. I gently touched her face and smiled at her.
"Thanks Sugar," I said.
She smiled and nodded for me to go skate.
"I'm going, I'm going. Just wanted to admire my gorgeous date for a few more moments," I said, grinning.
I watched as she smiled and her cheeks tinted pink. I was pleased to see her smiling like this. She deserved to be happy. I was even happier that she was happy with me. I skated off for my first lonesome lap, just wanting to gain a feel for the ice and where the weak spots were. On my second lap I ended up showing off a bit by speeding around, spinning around on the ice, skating in complicated figures and jumping off the ice and spinning in the air and stuff.

When I got back to Belladonna I was sweating slightly and smiling widely. I'd forgotten how much I loved ice skating and I was eager for her to come join me on the ice.
Show off :P
Damn, I'd been caught out. I pressed a kiss to her mouth and then gently grabbed her hand.
"Just trying to show you that you have nothing to be afraid of. I'll never let anything happen to you," I promised.
She looked at me with her breathtakingly beautiful eyes and then smiled. She squeezed my hand that touch tighter and then stepped on the ice. She immediately began to slip and I moved beside her to cradle her lower back with my arm.
"Steady now," I laughed.
She gave me a sour look and I grinned wider. Everything about this girl made me smile. It was impossible to keep the smile off when I was around her. She just had this...aura around her that made me happy. She was like a beacon in darkness. She lit up in my world brighter than anything else.
"Okay, so first let's get your stance right. Just stand up tall and straight like you would normally," I coached.
She took a deep breath and stood up tall, gripping onto my hand tightly. She looked gorgeous in that dress that hugged her curves perfectly without being skin tight. She looked at me hesitantly and I noticed that she started to slip out from underneath herself. I gripped onto her tighter and held her upright.
"Careful. When you move your head your whole body moves with it too and if you're already unsteady on your feet that'll unsteady you more," I explained.
She nodded and with my help rightened herself.
"You okay now?" I asked.
She nodded and I smiled.
"Okay, now when you want to stop, point your toes inwards," I instructed.
She looked down at her feet and cautiously pointed her toes inwards.
"Just like that, good. Now to skate you are essentially just sliding your feet forwards and mostly using your body to direct you. It's like roller blading/skating. Have you done that before?" I asked.
Belladonna looks at me sheepishly and shook her head. Okay, so total novice, that's okay.
"Well, wanna try this?" I asked.
She looked up at me and then nodded. Time to really impress her. Hopefully.
I skated forwards a step and spun around to face her. She looked at me worried and alarmed.
"Grab my hands with yours and just trust me," I encouraged.
She bit her lip hesitantly and I watched the conflict on her face before she looked at me in the eye and her spare hand gripped onto my spare hand. I gave a small breath of relief and smiled at her reassuringly.
"Don't worry, I've been skating backwards for years. Now remember what I told you about skating, just slide one foot forwards after the other," I reminded her.
She nodded and looked down at her feet, watching them carefully. I skated backwards slowly, pulling her forwards very slowly and while her hands tightened on my hands she carefully executed the moves she was meant to and she spurted forwards a tiny bit. She looked up at me and her face was radiant with happiness. I felt my own smile grow more in the face of her happiness and I watched the sparkle in her eyes and the shine of her face. My own smile turned somewhat goofy and I absentmindedly skated backwards, pulling her forwards a tiny bit. She followed through with the same moves as before and this time she spurted forwards a bit faster. I skated backwards again and she spurted forwards again, but this time she went a bit too far and fast and she crashed into me. I broke out of my stupor and realised that we were about to go crashing to the ice if I didn't do something soon.
I widened my stance slightly, balanced myself quickly and pointed my toes inwards. Belladonna was gripping onto my hand almost to the point of pain and she was frantically trying to stop herself from falling by scraping her feet against the ice. I knew there was no chance of her letting go of one of my hands so I pulled her into my body. She crashed into me again, but this time I was prepared for it. Our arms found the others' waist and we both held onto each other. I could feel her breath coming in at a panicked rate and I gently rubbed her back.
"Breathe Belle, just breathe. In, out, in, out," I soothed.
We had made it a total of about 3 metres. She breathed in deeply and then breathed out deeply.
"You alright now?" I asked.
She nodded.
I feel kind of stupid.
"Belle, you're not stupid! Why do you think that?" I asked, aghast.
I freaked out. All I want to do is to go fast like you and spin around and look so free and pretty.
I smiled, amused.
"Pretty? I was 'pretty'? Damn, there's a great big sucker punch to my manhood," I teased.
She looked up at me and smiled.
Yes, pretty. You are a very pretty man.
"Pfft. I'm the manliest of men," I said, puffing my chest out.
Says the one with waxed legs.
My chest deflated and I felt a rush of blood pool in my face.
"Yeah...well...that was your fault!" I accused, teasingly.
Don't pick dare.
She looked up at me with a mischeivous smile. I sighed, there was no winning with this girl. But I didn't mind, it was all in fun and games anyway.
"Anyway, you said you wanted to 'fly'?" I asked, returning to the original topic.
She nodded cautiously.
"Okay. Hold onto my hand and keep your feet straight. Oh and of course, trust me," I said.
She looked at me and then nodded. I gripped her hand in mine and she squeezed back, telling me she was ready. I smiled at her and then began to move off, pulling her along behind me. I sped up to a decent speed and I looked back at Belladonna. Her hair was flying out behind her and her face looked so peaceful and free. She had a slight smile on her face and she had her arms out like she was flying.
"Having fun?" I asked.
Her eyes flipped open and I could see the shine in them and it told me what I needed to know.

Belladonna's P.O.V.

About 2 hours later Gerard and I were stumbling out of the ice rink to his car. He held my hand the entire time and he helped me fly. He ended up teaching me how to skate properly and I even got to spin a little bit. I felt so free on the ice, it was one of the best feelings I'd ever had and I was so grateful for Gerard showing me.
Promise me you'll take me back one day to teach me more?
Gerard pulled me close and pressed a kiss to my temple.
"I promise," he murmured.
Despite being in an ice rink I had a formed a light sheen of sweat on my skin and when the night air hit my skin I shivered slightly.
"You cold?" Gerard asked, concerned.
I looked at him and smiled. He was so caring. I shook my head but I shivered again when a breeze hit my skin. Gerard chuckled lightly and shook his head.
"No need to lie to me you know," he said lightly.
He removed his arm from my waist and inside I cried out for him to put it back. But then I felt something get draped over my shoulders and warmth encased me. I looked at Gerard hesitantly and he nodded.
"I don't need it, I just brought it along just in case," he said.
I smiled and gratefully pushed my arms into the sleeves of Gerard's leather jacket and zipped it up. Gerard's scent still lingered on the fabric and I smiled.
Thank you Gee.
"All part of my job," Gerard replied cheerfully.
He unlocked the car and then opened the door for me.
"Milady," he gestured for me to step in and I smiled as I stepped into the car.
Gerard closed the door and raced around to his side of the car and started it up.
So where to now? What's the second part of the date?
Gerard grinned at me and whispered, "Close your eyes."
What is with people and making me close my eyes today?

"Belle, Sugar, wake up," I heard Gerard say dimly.
I groggily opened my eyes to see Gerard's face about 5 centimetres away from mine. I jerked back slightly and sat up properly. My back cracked in several places and my muscles stretched themselves out.
What happened?
"Oh, I told you to close your eyes and you did and then I turned on the radio and started singing along to it and a few minutes later you were asleep. If this is that boring for you, you could've just told me y'know," Gerard joked.
No! No! I'm really enjoying myself! I am! I just can't have my eyes closed for too long in a moving vehicle. I fall asleep. Plus your voice is pretty.
"There's that word again. I am not 'pretty'. I am manlier than that," Gerard stated.
I grinned at him.
In your dreams maybe.
I stood up out of the car and then gasped in amazement.
"Like it?" breathed Gerard in my ear.
I couldn't reply with anything other than a nod. We were on a small hill and there was a picnic set up and we could see out over most of New Jersey. With all the lights lit up against the dark night background it looked simply amazing.
It's beautiful Gerard!
I walked out further, to the picnic and sat down on the rug that Gerard had set up. I kicked the flats off my feet and let my toes curl into the grass and I sighed happily. No one had ever done such a nice thing for me before. No one had ever been this nice to me, ever. It felt...amazing...for the first time in my life I felt like I was worth something. Like someone actually valued me as a person. Tears bubbled up in my eyes and I held my arms open at Gerard for a hug. He smiled and hugged me. I sniffled quietly as a few stray tears streaked down my face. That was when Gerard noticed I was crying.
"Belle! Are you okay? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong?" Gerard fretted, pulling away from me.
I shook my head and pulled Gerard's head down so that I could kiss him and try to make him understand.

Through the kiss, I tried to explain that I loved it and I loved how much effort he went through for this and that he made me feel better about myself. Gerard pulled away after a moment, slightly dazed and I smiled at him.
Perfect.
I think he understood after that.

"So, was dinner okay for you?" Gerard asked.
I had my head and one arm draped on his chest and his arms were around my waist. We were both lying down on the picnic blanket, looking at the stars. I nodded eagerly in response to his question. Gerard had made up a picnic basket for dinner, half of it he had made himself and the other half he'd ordered from Premiers the most highly regarded restaurant in New Jersey. He'd made a chocolate cheesecake, the best damn one I'd ever tasted, a selection of sandwiches, a few pastries like croissants and he'd also managed to grab a bottle of some kind of wine. It was some fruit wine, and it tasted really good. What we were doing was technically illegal but it didn't matter to us. We'd only had one glass of the wine each, and Gerard had brought water for us to drink after our one glass of wine.
The food from Premiers was definitely lacking in comparison to what Gerard had made, but I knew he had paid a lot for the food, so I kept quiet.
Best dinner I've ever had.
"I'm glad you liked it," Gerard said softly.
Gerard, thank you, for everything. You've completely blown me away by all of this. You know you didn't have to go through so much trouble don't you?
Gerard pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
"Belle, I wanted to do this for you. You've had a shit life and I wanted this to be extra special for you. Kind of to try start making things back up to you in a way. I want to show you the beauty and magic of the world. And I want you to be happy. You mean a lot to me, and to the guys and Alicia. You deserve to be happy for once," Gerard said softly.
I moved one of my hands so that I could lace my fingers with his. I gently squeezed his hand in a way to say 'thank you' and he nodded.
"You're welcome," he whispered.
Why do you call me 'Belle'. Everyone else calls me Bells or Bella. Why Belle?
Gerard looked down at me and then shifted from under me. I ended up lying on my back, with Gerard on his side, leaning slightly over me. Our hands were still locked together though. I looked up at Gerard's face, silhouetted by the night sky and the stars and the moon and looked into his deep, hazel eyes.
"Do you know what 'Belle' means?" Gerard asked softly.
I shook my head. I figured he wasn't talking about the instrument one.
"It's a French word, and it means beautiful. Which is what you are Belle, you're beautiful. You always have been," Gerard said softly.
Gerard truly was the most wonderful person in the history of the world. When his time comes, the world will be a sadder, uglier place. Gerard's hand gently pushed a few stray hairs back away from my face and then ran down the side of my face. They paused at where my scars were and he frowned.
"I like your scars. You shouldn't hide them. They're part of you, part of your natural beauty. They also show how strong you are inside. I like them," Gerard murmured.
Want to know how I got them?
I could hardly believe that I wrote those words on the page. It was something that I'd never told anyone before. A scary realisation of just how much I trusted Gerard.
"What happened?" Gerard asked.
I swallowed hard and began to write.
Well, when I was in eighth grade I had a friend, kind of. More of an acquaintance than an actual friend but anyway. I knew him from school obviously and he was older than me but we shared the same English class. Anyway, one day he had decided that I was 'cool' enough to invite me to a party he was going to. For some bizarre reason I said yes. I turned up and I'm assuming it was like every other party. Loud music, drugs, sex, alcohol and way too many people. And of course, he's the only person I really know. A few hours later and party's still going strong but my 'friend' had found me. Said he needed to talk to me about something important. Pulled me upstairs to some random room where there were about 4 people passed out on the floor with bottles all around them. Sits me down on the bed. Tells me he likes me. Pushes me down on the bed. I move away from him, scared, but he just yanks me back by my hair. Did I mention that I rarely wore my hood back then? Well yeah anyway. He put's his grimy hand over my mouth and slurs at me. I struggle against him, kicking out at him, scratching him, everything. He holds me down but I still don't stop fighting and that pisses him off. He picks up a bottle from the floor and smashes it into my face. Of course it shatters, but he's too stupid to comprehend it. He tries to hit me again and I turn me face. The broken glass bottle cuts into my skin and rakes across my face. It's like a nightmare, it's like I'm stuck at home again. He throws the shattered bottle away and pressed his hand into my throat, little shards of the bottle digging in and cutting me. I fight against him but he just slaps me. His hands go lower. Even as feeble minded 13 year old, I know what he's thinking and I won't ever let him have it. I slam my knee up into his gut, winding him and I roll away. I grab a bottle and smash it into his face. He falls back and hits his head against a bedpost. I run. And that's the story of how I got my scars.
Gerard was looking at me horrified.
"Jesus fucking Christ..." he whispered.
Most people call me Bells but okay.
"You...were almost raped when you were thirteen years old?!" he asked, astonished.
yes, but don't feel bad for me. I fought him off. I don't need any form of pity. I'm not damaged by it. Aside from the scars obviously, but still. Damien didn't win. I did.
"THAT WAS DONE BY DAMIEN?!" Gerard roared furiously.
Fuck. I hadn't meant to let that detail out.
"Belladonna. Why the FUCK didn't you fucking report him?!" Gerard growled.
I did. Damien went against it. Said I was a lying bitch under influence. And because I had taken a drink at the party my word wasn't viable and because I couldn't talk, I couldn't take one of those lie detector things and they let him off and gave me a warning.
Gerard looked at me aghast. That was why I hated the police and that was why Damien hated me.
Look, can we just get off this topic please?
"Yeah...sure, of course," Gerard said.
And please don't tell anyone. You're the only one who knows and I want it to stay that way.
Gerard kissed my forehead.
"Your secret's safe with me," he murmured.