These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

Belladonna's P.O.V.

Mikey and I had an English project to do so I was walking with him to his place to start it. As we walked Mikey continued to talk and mess around and he was starting to show me how hyper he could be. And I have to say, this afternoon was quickly becoming the best afternoon in years. I chatted with him on paper and he didn’t mind, and it didn’t bother him for one second that I kept my face hidden in my hood.
“Hey…you know that stupid English project?” Mikey asked.
We were halfway to his place and he’s stopped at a crossroad.
Yeah?
“It’s due in like a week, yeah?” He asked.
I looked at him warily. Where was he going with this?
Yeah? And…?
“Could we…I dunno, do it another day?” he asked.
My hopes fell and I mentally scolded myself for thinking that Mikey actually wanted to work together and become friends.
Sure.
“Awesome! Thanks!” he said smiling brightly.
I nodded and started to walk off.
“Wait! Where are you going?” he asked, slightly confused.
I frowned and looked at him thoroughly confused.
Off home. Go on and do whatever it is you want to do.
He read that and then it clicked for him.
“Silly Bells! I wanted to put it off because I wanted to know you first!” He laughed.
I looked at him almost flabbergasted.
You want to get to know me?
He chuckled and slung an arm around my shoulders as her said,
“Of course I do!”
I stiffened up when he put his arm around me, still unused to human contact.
“Does coffee sound good?” He asked.
I nodded and he nodded as well.
“Starbucks it is!” He declared and lead the way to Starbucks with his arm still around my shoulders.

When we got there I walked up to the counter and saw a co-worker/friend, kind of, called James was working. He smiled at me.
“Hey there Bella, how are you?” he asked.
Good thanks, and you?
“Same old, same old. Who’s your friend?” he asked nodding to Mikey.
This is Mikey.
“Hey Mikey, I’m James. Bella, I assume you’re having your usual?” James asked.
I nodded while Mikey said hi.
“Mikey?” James asked.
“Chocolate vanilla frappe thanks,” Mikey said.
“Comin’ right up?” James said cheerfully and began making our coffees.
“So how do you know James?” Mikey asked.
He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and I suppressed a smile.
Not in the way you’re thinking. I just get coffee a lot. And James always seems to be working when I get my coffee. Plus we work together sometimes.
“Okay, that’ll be $8.90 all up,” James said, giving us our coffee.
I went to pull out my wallet but Mikey had already given James a ten. I glared at Mikey but of course he couldn’t see it.
I can pay for my own drink you know.
“Yeah, but I felt like doing this for you. I like doing stuff for friends,” Mikey said, giving me a warm smile as we walked to a table. I was shocked. He considers me as a friend?
“So, may I ask you some questions?” Mikey asked.
Well, you just asked one.
“You know what I mean!” Mikey said, poking his tongue out at me playfully.
What do you want to know?
“First, why don’t you know how to hug? How come you’ve never been hugged or anything?” Mikey asked.
I paused deliberating, I figured it couldn’t hurt to tell him.
In my family, it’s a sign of weakness and soft heartedness if you show any form of affection.
Mikey stared shocked at the answer.
“It’s not weakness! It’s showing that you care! What the hell kind of family is yours?! No offense…and…what happens if you do show affection?” he asked.
I paused again, I didn’t know what to tell him.
No offense taken. We, or I rather, get taught a lesson by getting yelled at.
Well, that was half the truth. Mikey nodded and I could see the unhappiness on his face. “What do they say?” Mikey asked.
Just stuff, I haven’t been yelled at in awhile so I can’t remember.
That was true, about showing affection anyway.
“Why do you wear your hood up all the time?” Mikey asked.
I was expecting this one.
A. I feel protected
B. I can hide from the world
C. It covers my scars
D. It takes away an unwanted attention
“Okay, A, I can understand. But the other 3 I don’t,” Mikey said.
I sighed, I’d hoped to just leave it as that.
B. I don’t wish to be in this world. I have no wish to be a part of this hell, so I hide from it.
C. I have scars over my face and I don’t wish for anyone to see them.
D. I hate to sound egotistical, but I was pretty, and guys were fawning over me and I hated it.
Mikey looked at me worriedly and asked,
“Are you depressed?”
I looked at him and I was very tempted to laugh at the question. Of course I fucking was! I had abusive parents who hated my guts, I had an addiction to pain, I wanted to commit suicide and attempted already and Mikey and James and maybe Gerard were the only form of friends I had and I have horrific memories that haunt me every time I look in the mirror. Despite that whole rant I just wrote,
No I’m not depressed. I am just a pessimist.
“If you’re sure…” he said unsurely.
I smiled, it wasn’t a happy smile, it was more of a pitying cross patronizing smile. Poor naïve Mikey. He was so innocent.
I’m sure.
“Can you take off your hood for me?” Mikey asked.
I bolted upright as if I’d been shot when he asked that.
NO! NO! NO!
Not in a million years!
No!
The thought of someone coming into and taking away my safe haven scared me. But the mere thought of being totally exposed, out in the open for evaluation and judgment, terrified me more. I immediately grabbed my hood and pulled it further over my head. Mikey appeared taken aback by my vehement response.
“I, um, sorry. I didn’t think you’d react like that…” Mikey said.
I looked at him from under my hood.
I am sorry for my overreaction, but I will not take off my hood.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have asked,” he said.
I could see he was still totally baffled about my response.
Mikey, you must understand. My hood saves me. That backhand this morning would have killed if my hood didn’t take the blow. It has allowed me to hide my hideous disfigurations that run all over my face. Society doesn’t adapt to scars like mine very well and in order not to be stared at like I’m a freak show on legs I need to hide. This is my hiding place. It blocks out the words spoken behind my back so my self esteem doesn’t decrease, nor do I punch anyone in the face. It is the only place on this Earth where I feel safe and comfortable.
Mikey was silent for about a minute, thinking and deliberating over my answer.
“Your scars aren’t that bad are they?”
They’re bad.
He bit his lip, I knew he wanted to ask me how I got it but he knew I wouldn’t tell him.
“So how about we get onto a lighter topic?” he asked.
I nodded gratefully.