Second Impressions

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Unfortunately, my body was unable to do what it was supposed to do. Instead, it just gawked at this girl hanging off of him.

Okay, so if I can get a hold of a very dull knife, I can easily and painfully castrate him when he least expects it.

"Hi." The girl 'Summer' says airily, waggling her fingers across all of us. Her eyes stop on me, showing no smile at all.

A very dull knife.

Duller than a butter knife.

"Is that Autum?" She whispers loudly to Brad, her eyes glaring into mine. "The one who broke your sensitive heart?" He nods, trying to look utterly pathetic. She starts stroking his chest and cooing to him. "Poor baby."

Screw it, I'll grab a fucking pencil and stab it off!

"Autum, keep cool." Shale directs calmly, leaning back. "And don't bare your teeth. Make it seem like you don't even care."

I lean back, digging my hands into the hot sand, and just watch them casually like Shale suggested. I watched as the new 'lovebirds' sit down very close, so close that she was almost on top of him. But instead of paying attention to him, she paid attention to me.

"I think she wants to seduce me." I snicker to Shale. Summer is far away enough to not hear me. Shale smirks back, withholding the belly-aching laughter I know she wants to let out. I finally say something to Summer. "Nice to meet you, Summer."

"I know." She scoffs, running her eyes down and up.

"She's undressing me with her eyes. Lathering me up with oil." I mutter to Shale some more.

"I hate your bikini." She wrinkles her nose distastefully. I keep the pseudo smile in tact, actually amused by her. She has that type of personality that makes me want to grab a really sharp stick and repeatedly poke her.

"Oh, well I like yours." I gesture to her own, making her glance down at it.

"That's because it suits me. Yours doesn't. I'm thinking something along the lines of a one-piece in purple." She sneers. I shrug, showing her that I'm not offended or annoyed. Totally blank.

"Well, I don't have a purple one-piece."

"Just go buy one."

"Why would I want to blow my money when I have a perfectly functional bathing suit right here and now?"

"Because it doesn't suit you."

"I'm fine with that."

We go back and forth, her becoming extremely annoyed at my nonchalant attitude. But in my mind, I have that stick and I'm poking her has hard as I can. I turn my attention to Brad who is watching us in satisfaction until he sees me staring at him with a smirk.

"Hey, Brad, why don't you show Summer a few of your surf moves? Summer, did Brad tell you that he can surf? He really is one of the best. You'd be stupid not to want to see it." I press this matter on, observing as Summer turns to Brad and whispers to him fiercely.

"No, I can't I-"

"Don't be so modest, Brad. Show me." Summer pushes and pushes until Brad sighs and grabs Trev's board, starting to walk towards the ocean.

"Hey, man, you'll need one of these." Trev holds up his wetsuit. We watch as Brad and Summer go towards the ocean, all of my friends turning to face me with laughter coming from their mouths.

"Let's go watch!" Shale yelps, scrambling to get up and spraying sand all over me. I laugh and jog after her, everyone else following as well.

Only once in a while do you get to see an ass make and ass out of itself. Actually, I often see this happen.

Brad slowly slides on the wetsuit as Summer crosses her arms impatiently, ready to see what I was talking about. It seems to irk her that I know something or have seen something that she hasn't. Well, I suppose I do know something she doesn't.

I snicker some more to myself when a slight shadow befalls upon me. I look over to my right to face the boy with dread locks. He's watching Brad fumble with the suit, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"Who is this guy trying to prove?" He questions, glancing at me. I shrug, playing oblivious.

"I have no clue."

Brad has his suit on and is slowly walking out to the vast ocean, constantly looking over his shoulder and seeming to hope for someone to call him back.

Not a chance. Even if a meteor was coming straight towards me and the only way to deflect it with my nonexistent super powers was to call him back, I still wouldn't. This, of course, reveals how much I am despising him and hoping that he falls and hurts himself. I am sure somebody would now squeal out 'I saw Autum dancing with the Devil under the pale moonlight!'.

Though that is entirely false, I am acting quite devilish right now.

But only because this guy totally deserves what's going to hit him.

Brad stands ankle deep in the water now, trying to take his sweet time.

"Come on, Brad! Show Summer your awesome mad skillz!" I bellow out before residing with a satisfied smirk. The dreadlocks-boy snickers along with everyone else. Brad suddenly tromps through the water and waves with the motivation that I just gave him. I know how he works. He gets angry, he tries to prove someone wrong, and then he either succeeds or fails. He mostly fails because his anger gets the best of him so he become as observant of what's happening until it's too late.

We watch as he lays on his board, paddling out to where all the other surfers are, and waits for a wave. At first, only a few small kiddy waves go by. I was surprised that Brad didn't try going for them.

After about fifteen more minutes of waiting, the mother of waves comes. Whoops and shouts of excitement can be heard from the surfers as they ready themselves. Brad watches a boy near him, doing as he does. The wave hits and all riders are on it. Slowly, they fall off; all of them except for Brad.

To my amazement, he made it. Of course, he looked awkward and didn't do it naturally like a person who is used to this does. Summer obviously doesn't know the difference because she yelps like an annoying little dog when he comes ashore. Leave it to him to prove me wrong. Normally, it's the other way around.

"Come on, Summer. I want some ice cream." He smirks as he passes me, despite the fact that Summer is going on about how much she hates ice cream.

Once they're out of ear shot, Shale approaches me slowly, eyeing the boy beside me. I remember him and give him my attention.

"Oh, hi again." He grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "I forgot to, well, get your number."

I stare at him and feel Shale doing the same thing to me. After this whole escapade, what's the worse that could happen? If anything, I may be able to break Brad.

"I don't have a cell phone, but you can take me on my word." I wink at him. "When do you want to hang out?"

"How about tomorrow night? There's a bonfire and everything happening right here. Meet you at nine?" He grins charmingly. I quirk my lips and nod my head.

"Sure thing."

"Sweet. I'll see you then." He waves as he walks away.

"At least you can get the decent ones." Shale comments. I smirk at her.

"What can I say? I attract the right type." Pause. "Sort of."

"I wonder if Brad will get jealous." Shale ponders aloud. I roll my eyes and start walking back to our small set up.

"No, Shale. We're not getting back together, so don't even try anything. Seriously." I knew they were empty words, but I felt as though I should say them anyway. What harm are vacant words?

The rest of the day was mostly spent lounging around on the beach, catching a couple waves now and then, and rating people we see walk by.

"What about her?" Trev asks, eagerly pointing to an auburn haired girl in a two piece. I purse my lips.

"Nah, I don't go for redheads. Besides, I think I can see a uni-brow starting to grow." I reply. Shale comes back with some ice cream cones, handing them out.

"What are you guys doing now?"

"We're trying to find a girl that Autum would make-out with." Tash answers, scanning the crowds. My ice cream is dropped in the sand.

"Hey! That looked really good; why'd you have to go and do that?" I whimper, staring at the treat.

"Autum, you cannot go in that direction! Being a lesbian is not the answer to your problems!" Shale screeches, crouching in front of me. I stare, wide-eyed, in fear.

"Um, we were talking figuratively. Like, if I was a boy. Gross!" Shale backs away from me, a weird look on her face. Teasingly, I jump out at her. She squawks before landing her butt in the sand. "Seriously, if I was a guy I would be so sexy. Like, if there was a vote that went international all the girls would sigh and vote for me. They'd say, "God, that Austen is so sexy and manly. I'll never be able to resist his charm.' Therefore, making me the sexiest man on earth."

"But you're a girl named Autum. Why would you even be named Austen?" Shale inquires.

"Okay, we were talking figuratively and Austen would be my opposite sex name. Like, Trev would be Tracy or something and Brad would be Brandy." I explain. "But Shale might be a bi-gender kind of name because I can't think of anything for you."

After a very long discussion of what we would be like if we were the opposite gender, we go back to the beach house. We didn't see Brad anywhere so we left him with his play thing.

I'm not really jealous, just a tad. I'm more annoyed than anything. First off, he says that he loves me and then says he doesn't. Which is totally understandable since I broke his heart and all. That, I couldn't really control because he has no idea that I was doing a really good deed for him. But, then we kiss and he tries to seduce me but still won't say that he loves me when I said it to him. Obviously, he's trying to make me jealous but it just won't work. Like before, he just wants what he can't have.

Of course, I loved it when we kissed. I loved it when he tried surfing just to prove me wrong. I love our past. Okay, I'm not particularly fond of the way we met or how he was a total ass. But I love how we became friends and how he put up with me. I love dating him and being with him. I love how, when we did date, he wasn't really romantic but very honest in the relationship. I love how the relationship wasn't about sex, it was about our connection. I even love how we didn't have sex, but we have seen each other. I love the humor. I love everything about dating Brad and about Brad.

But, now I'm not so sure.

I mean, I did want him to have a functional girlfriend because I thought I would never be the same again. I'm still not the same in a way. I still feel like shit in some mornings and I crawl into Mom's bed to cry. I refuse to buy a car because I'm sure that something will happen. I don't look at flowers the same way because now when I see them, I see Mom. Funny, seeing as how I sell them and all. Guess Mom's just sticking around.

But I never that I would be able to be in a functional relationship again, and then when I know I can, he doesn't want to.

Maybe Summer can give him what I can't.

I read some where once that relationship really does come down to sex. Basically, if the sex is great, so is your relationship. If not, you're screwed. Maybe they'll have sex and it will be great and then they'll stay together. A whore with a whore.

"You're a whore." Oops. I didn't mean to be that blunt. "The biggest whore I know and you deserve to be with that whore." Okay, yeah, that's meant to be blunt.

We arrived at the house, and while brooding on the porch by myself, Brad walks up the pathway. He stops and stares at me, almost surprised.

"We need to talk." He scraps a chair over next to me while I'm shaking my head at him.

"No, we don't." I move my chair farther away.

"Yes we do." He scoots closer. "We need to talk about us. We-"

"There is no us, Brad. There is you and there is me." I cut him off, casting him an ugly glance. I still love him, but I do not like him. It hurts, really, that'd he'd actually bring another girl into this situation. But, maybe that means that he's over it.

"Autum, just listen. I-"

"You're not the only one with a date anymore, you know." I cut him off again. I don't like how I'm being vindictive right now, but I can't help myself. I hate him so much. "I met a guy while you were off with your skank and we're going out tomorrow night. Suck it."

There's a long pause between us. I watch Brad's face and he watches mine before he speaks.

"That's . . . I don't know." Brad seems to be pondering what this actually is. Probably the same way I felt when he sauntered up with Summer but more calm and sad than fiery and angry.

"Exactly. You don't know what just fucking hit you. Not so fun when the other person's playing the game too, huh?" I'm a bitch. I'm the biggest bitch alive and dead.

Suddenly, Brad's hand shoots out. His entire arm wraps around me and pulls me towards him. I'm too stunned by the abrupt movement and embrace to do anything. I feel his face in my neck, snuggling to get closer and closer. Soon, there are small kisses and his fingers create small designs on my back.

I move my arms to envelope him as well, tracing a finger along the back of his neck. It's not that my body has a mind of its own (actually it does, it's called the brain) but I am voluntarily doing all of my movements. I mean, I really should stop this but I won't. Maybe I don't have the capability to resist him.

Soon, our lips are touching and we're zapping/zapping all over the place. Everyone else is probably asleep about now so we're the only ones still up.

We stand up and we're still kissing with our hands roaming all over the place. Brad breaks away from me, his eyes boring into mine, and leads me away by hand. Our breathing is heavy when we go inside my guest house. Shale and Shelby are passed out in the living room again, I observe as we pass them. We arrive in my room. My bed is still made but some clothes are scattered amongst the floor.

Brad closes the door behind us and we're at it again, kissing and touching each other. The kisses are passionate with hunger with something else laced in them. What, I do not know. Brad is moving me back until the very tall bed hits the back of my thighs. He runs his hands down my sides until they meet my thighs, then he grips them firmly and lifts me up onto the bed.

There is zapping/zapping all around us now.

His kisses trail down my neck as he pushes me further onto the bed, crawling on top of me and pressing his weight onto me. There is utter silence other than our pants and small noises. I scratch at the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head and arms. As I rub my hands across his back and chest and arms, he slides my ponytail holder out of my hair, letting my dark waves loose.

He goes back to kissing and sucking on my neck while his hands slide my shirt up pass my stomach and over my head. He lets out a small groan as my bra comes off, pressing our chests and stomachs together making me sigh. We slowly discard our bottoms, tossing them wherever. Brad pulls a condom out of his shorts pocket before throwing them. I stare at the condom and he stares at me.

My first time. His first time with me. I hate, I dislike him.

I love him.

"I love you." I whisper, looking away from the condom. He stares at me. His eyes are sparkling and a grin breaks out on his face.

"I love you too." Brad kisses me on the mouth. I pull back after a bit.

"And it's not because of the sex?"

"No." He laughs. "I just love you."

He slides the condom on and waits for me.

"You're still a whore." I tell him, making him laugh again.

"I know."

"But you're my whore, so that makes me a pimpette!" I giggle. Brad groans, getting himself very close to myself that it makes me jolt a little.

"Autum."

"Okay, okay."

"Can I do it now?"

"I don't know, can you?"

"Autum."

"Yes! Okay. You can-" I gasp and latch my fingers onto his back. It only hurt the first time. It wasn't that he was bad, it just hurt. So, because he wanted to make me happy, we did it a second time.

Holy shit, I was glad I waited for him. It was worth it.

In the aftermath, we lay beside each other. I slowly start to drift off into a slumber while Brad plays with my hair.

"I sure do love you, Autum."

"I sure do love you, Brad."

He pulls me closer to him and I fall asleep.

I sure do love him.