Please Don't Try to Win

"If you hear them fighting, just stay in your room. Lock the door if you have to. Okay, Bee?" The young man said hurriedly.

The small girl sat on the bed, stripped of its sheets and covers, and watched the young man rush around the room. She nodded to him when he raised an eyebrow, silently asking her if she had understood him. He ruffled her soft brown hair affectionately before throwing another pair of pants in the suitcase.

The screams. The screams were wafting through the walls, coming closer and closer. They penetrated her skull like knives, attacking her sanity. The drunken yells, the angry retorts; they were slowly killing her.

"Don't forget to feed Flash, Bee." the young man said.

"I know," the little girl replied in slight exasperation. "I'll feed him whenever I get hungry!" she added brightly.

The young man chuckled slightly. "I don't think a turtle will want to eat as often as you do. Just feed him first thing when you get up, and right before you go to sleep."

"Okay," the girl smiled.

The water in the empty turtle tank was shaking slightly as loud thuds reverberated throughout the house. With each thud the girl winced. Thud. Thud. Thud. It was as if the house had a heartbeat; a heartbeat with a violent tale to tell.

"Mommy and Daddy might not remember to take you to the bus each morning," the young man continued to the little girl. "And I won't be here to take you anymore. Do you remember how to get there?"

"Cross the street and walk until I hit the crazy cat lady's house!" the girl said proudly.

"Good job," the young man said softly.

She was late. The bus. It wouldn’t wait. Nothing ever waited for her. Would anyone even notice when she didn't show up? Would anyone even care? The thuds were getting closer.

"Where are you going?" the little girl asked, swinging her legs contentedly over the side of the bed.

"Away." the young man replied shortly.

"Why?" the girl inquired.

"Because..." he faltered. "Because sometimes you can't handle everything at once, Bee."

"Are you coming back?" She had stopped swinging her legs and was staring at the young man concernedly.

"Of course, Bee. How could I leave you forever? I love you."

She smiled.

He had lied. He had said he was coming back. Then where was he now? Why wasn't he helping her? She whimpered softly, remembering all his broken promises. He had promised she would be fine; she wasn't.

"I have to leave now," the young man told the girl. "Do you remember what I told you?"

"Lock my door if they're shouting, don't forget to feed Flash, be careful when crossing the street and wait for the bus in front of the crazy cat lady's house, and you love me." the girl replied, smiling widely.

"Good girl," the young man said, pain easily visible in his eyes, but the girl didn't notice.

The door wasn't locked. The thuds had almost reached her. She tried to stand up to lock the door but she was shaking and couldn't hold herself steady enough.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

She tried to pull herself across the room. She needed to lock the door. They were arguing. He had told her to.

“One more thing,” the young man said.

He crossed the room to where the little girl still sat and swung her into his arms in a huge bear hug. She giggled as he kissed her on the cheek and he smiled sadly when she kissed him back on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck like she was going with him; like he wasn’t leaving her.

The door swung open with a bang. Two figures entered. They were arguing, trying to hit each other. She hadn’t gotten to the door in time.

Their shouts filled the room like tangible things. They floated through the air toward her, swirling around her entire body, wrapping themselves around her throat and threatening to suffocate her. She fell to her knees, covering her ears.

The girl sat at the windowsill on the second floor, watching the young man’s retreating back. His wavy brown hair was being swirled around by the wind, his suitcase trailing behind him on the bumpy sidewalk. She watched as he shoved it into the trunk of the taxi cab waiting out by the curb. He turned back towards the house, staring at it with a mixture of relief and regret. Not once did his eyes fall on her.

All she wanted was for the shouting to stop. She tried to stand up again, to shove the shouts away from her and back out the door, but nothing worked. The two figures, a man and a woman, were now only a few feet away from her, swaying slightly, the stench of alcohol thick on their breaths.

The girl stood up and leaned against the wall to hold herself up. The man and woman didn’t even notice. The man lashed out at the woman, slapping her hard across the face. The woman fell to the floor with a cry of pain and lay there, whimpering softly.

The girl thought back to the young man’s last words to her.

“Mom and Dad are going to fight a lot, Bee,” he said. “Just stay away from them until they calm down and you’ll be fine. But whatever you do, don’t try and break it up. Please don’t try to win.”

“Stop it!” the girl shouted.

The man and woman didn’t hear her. They continued to fight, occasionally slapping each other hard across the face in fury, but never once did they notice the sobbing girl in the corner of the room.

“Remember,” the young man said added, “If you play alone you will never lose.”

She had tried to win. She had lost. She was forgotten.