Work It Out

“Ahh, finally, I get some time to relax.” I sighed, sinking down into the hot, bubbly tub. I reached over and turned the jets on, closing my eyes and relaxing. Julian had taken the girls out to the park then to dinner, so I had the house all to myself. Trying to make up for the fight we had, he had promised me this, that he would take the girls out, and when they got home we would have dessert and a watch a movie.

I grabbed the remote for the stereo and pressed play. The large bathroom was dim, candles and incense lining the counter, reflecting off the glass of the picture frames. One picture of Rosalind when she was born, one of Natalia when she was born, and one of the day Sophia was born, Julian and I with the girls, and a photo of us on our wedding day, holding hands, running down the stairs of the cathedral. Closing my eyes, I cleared my mind of everything I had been worrying about during the day; Rose’s band concert, Natalia’s piano recital, their dance competition, and Julian. I wish he could just tell me what was wrong, but there is nothing I can do about it, sadly. Julian’s voice filled my ears, and sooner than I wanted, the water had cooled down. I stood up and stepped onto the black rug, and wrapped a black towel around myself, taking the hair tie off of my wrist and pulling my hair up into a sloppy ponytail. After I has finished drying off, I put the towel in the hamper and walked to my closet, pulling my bra, panties, and pajama’s on. When I was dresses, I pulled the covers on the bed down and turned the TV, quickly changing my mind. I walked swiftly out of the room, grabbing a pair of slippers from the top of the dresser before hopping down the stairs to where my purse sat on the table in the foyer. I searched through papers, wrappers, and loose change before finding what I was looking for. I grabbed the small white and green package and a liter before walking through the dining room, slipping my slippers on, and sliding the door open. Stepping outside, I took a cigarette from the pack and lit it, inhaling the smoke, closing my eyes, and exhaling. I made my way to one of the lawn chairs, plopped down, and closed my eyes, placing the filter to my lips and inhaling the mentholated nicotine, mentally yelling at myself. A slight breeze gave me goose bumps, but I relaxed into the chair anyways. I had smoked well over half the cigarette when I heard car doors slam and Rosalind’s laughing. I stood up and walked over to the trash can, throwing the cigarette away and walking back into the house. I felt horrible, smoking, knowing exactly what it would do. I need to quit soon, or else it might be too late.

“Mama!!” Natalia smiled, kicking off her sandals and running towards me, arms wide open.

“Talia!” I laughed, picked her up and embracing her in a tight hug. “How was the park?”

“It was fun, mama! I went down the slide over and over and over then it got dark, so we went to that one place, ummm, Rose, what was the place called? Cool something.:

“Cool Basil.” Rose told her, helping Sophia out of her boots.

“No way! You guys went to cool Basil without me?!” I asked, pretending to be hurt..

“Dad got you something, mom! Your favorite, too!” Rose smiled, picking Sophia up.

I looked over to Julian, who was holding a cool Basil bag in his hand, grinning slightly. “Thai hot Pad-Kee-Mao and larb with tofu, no onion, extra mint. Hey girls, how about you guys go get bathed and showered and change into your pajamas while mommy eats her food and I get dessert ready? Rose, use our shower, but get Natalia’s ready first.”

“Oookay, will do daddy, and remember, no chocolate!” she said, putting Sophia down and running upstairs with Natalia. Julian set the bag on the table, walked into the kitchen and brought back some silverware.

“Thank you, Jules, for this.” I smiled gratefully at him. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

“I love you, Teryn.” he smiled before looking over at Sophia who was pushing her face to the glass of the sliding doors in the breakfast nook, making funny faces at Zero, Natalia’s small dog. “I should probably let Zero in.”

“Yeah, he’s been out there since you guys left.” I told him, opening the food and digging in. “Oh god, this is amazing.”

“Mazin?” Sophia raised her eyebrows and giggled.

“Yes, this it amazing! Mama loves it!” I laughed.

“Mama love me?” she squeaked, pointing a chubby finger at herself.

“Yes! Mama love you very much!” I said, smilling at her.

She ran over and hugged my leg “me love mama too!” She grinned, running over to Julian, who was cutting up some strawberries. “Me love daddy too!”

“I love you too Soapy!” He smiled leaning down to hand her piece of a strawberry and kiss her nose. Her face scrunched up in a smile and she popped the strawberry in her mouth.

“Sooo, how was your day?” I asked Julian. He looked over at me while rinsing the blueberries off and smiled.

“Well, first I went to the studio and worked an some video ideas for Ludlow Street, then Andy and I went to Guitar Center, then we went and just kind of chilled at Fab’s, then we picked Sophia up at your parents and Andy decided to stay there, so I just went and played on the school playground with Sophia until the girls got out of school, then we went to the park, then to Cool Basil. Then I came home, with the girls, to my beautiful wife, I made some smoothies, and we watched a movie.” He laughed “And then after the girls went to bed, my wife and I turned into kids again and played in the sprinkler in our underwear and romantically kissed under the stars” He laughed harder, a smile on his face.

“Hmmm, sounds like fun. I just had to work all day, where Sara bitched about how her landlord was being a dick. That and I almost cried, they had to let a few of the dresses I wore out a little bit, again” I sighed, finishing my food and throwing the containers back in the bag. I stood up and grabbed the silverware, walking into the kitchen and throwing the fork and spoon in the sink and the bag in the garbage. Julian threw the blueberries in the bowl along with the strawberries and raspberries before walking over toward where I was leaning on the counter. He had a grin on his face, and I tried to escape, but I was too late. He already had me by the waist. I looked into his eyes and began laughing. “Juluuuules! Let me goooo!”

“Not until I get a kisssss!” I rolled my eyes and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Nope, a REAL kiss.” He said, picking me up and putting me on the counter.

“Julian, I freakin love you.” I laughed, leaning in to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and stepped closer. I gave him a kiss, then put my arms around him and my head on his shoulder, his on mine. We stayed there for about five minutes, listening to Sophia chase after Zero, giggling, before the girls came down and asked about the movie.

“Daddy, did you put chocolate on my ice cream?” Rose asked, walking into the kitchen with Natalia on her back.

Julian lifted his head from my shoulder and laughed lightly, “Nope, no chocolate, I’m making smoothies, want to get the blackberries and soymilk from the fridge? Talia, get the ice cream and some spoons?”

The both nodded, and walked towards the freezer and fridge. Natalia put the ice cream on the counter by the blender and grabbed four spoons from the silverware drawer. Julian was about to start scooping the ice cream, but I hopped off the counter and stopped him. “Go get your pajama’s on, and Sophia’s.”

“You sure?” he asked, putting the scoop back into the carton. I nodded my head and gave him a kiss, grabbing the scoop from his hand. He smiled, grabbed Sophia and headed for the stairs. Rose handed me the black berries and soymilk before the two of them went into the living room and decided on a movie. I put everything in the blender and mixed it all together, then put the blender pitcher in the freezer. While I was putting the soymilk back in the fridge, I caught a whiff of something that smelled a bit like onions and got nauseous. I quickly went to the sink and threw up, tears forming in my eyes. Just as I was rinsing the last of it down the drain, Julian walked into the kitchen, setting Sophia down and telling her to go join the girls in the living room. “You okay, Teryn?” He asked, running my back.

“Yeah, I just, yeah.” I nodded my head, turning the faucet up and reaching into the cabinet for a glass. I went back to the fridge and filled the glass with water from the door and rinsed my mouth out, wiping a few tears off my cheeks. “Julian, I’m scared.”

“I am too, you haven’t been acting normal lately.” He said, every word dripping with concern. He wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“I know, I’m just, I don’t know, I’m just worried.”

“About what?”

“Everything,. They’ve been getting on my case at work, about how lately they’ve been having to let everything I wear out, about me not fitting into the dresses properly. About the girls.” I sighed.

“The girls are just fine, it’s you that I’m worried about.” he told me, looking me in the eyes.

“Julian, I think I might be pregnant again.” I said, finally saying it out loud. I hadn’t even said it to myself, let alone another person. I was really worried. We already had three daughters, one still in diapers. I wore tight dresses and stood in front of a camera for seven hours a day. Julian worked odd hours, and he was gone for days, weeks even months at a time. How would we handle throwing ANOTHER baby into all the craziness our lives already held? And my smoking? I had only started up again recently, but I was jeopardizing the health of out possibly fourth unborn baby. If I really was pregnant again and the baby had health problems due to my smoking, I would never forgive myself for it.

“You what?”

“I think I’m pregnant Julian, and I’m really really scared!” I said, tears forming in my eyes yet again. I put the glass down and wrapped my own arms around Julian. “I can’t do this again!”

“It’s alright, Teryn, you don’t know for sure, right? I mean you could just be sick or something, like coming down with a cold or the flu? Right?” He asked while pulling away slightly to look at my face.

“You don’t understand, Julian! I have all the symptoms I had with the girls. Exactly the same ones!”

“Mom? Dad?” I heard from the door of the dining room. Julian and I looked over to see Rose standing there with her legs crossed, a worried look on her face. “Are you really, you know, pregnant?” she asked, pointing to my stomach.

“I don’t know, honey. How long have you been there?” I asked, wiping the tears I hadn’t realized where streaming down my face. Julian let go of me and turned to face Rose.

“A minute or two, mom, I think I knew already.” she said, cautiously stepping closer. “I mean, we talked about it in sixth grade, pregnancy, and I kind of noticed some of your symptoms. I remember a few from when you where pregnant with Sophia. Like you constantly eating crushed ice, and chocolate. You hate chocolate.” she laughed slightly, finally standing next to Julian and I. I smiled and let out a small laugh.

“You know me too well, Rosalind Victoria Casablancas. How’d you get to be so smart?” I laughed, pulling her into a hug.

“Well, my parents are pretty awesome, so I think that my be a factor.” she smiled, looking from Julian to me.

“Rose, we don’t know for sure, so no telling anyone about this. Not even Matt, Uncle Andy, or Natalia, got it? Julian asked. She nodded her head yes, and stuck her pinky up. “Pinky promise.” She said.

“Okay, how about this? After the movie, we put the girls to sleep, dad and I will go to the store and get a test. Then when we get back, I’ll take it and we can all find out together, okay?” I asked both of them. Julian smiled and nodded his head.

“Sounds like some good family fun1” he joked.

“Shut up, dad.” Rose laughed, punching him lightly in the stomach.

“Ow, that hurt!” He laughed. Rose stuck her tongue out and punched him again. “Stop it, before I ground your sorry ass until your thirty. Now get some dishes and spoons out, it’s time to watch a movie!”

“Haha, what movie did you guys decide on?” I asked, putting the glass I was holding in the dishwasher.

“Well, that’s why I came in here. We can’t decide; I want to watch Helvetica and Natalia want’s to watch Objectified.” She said, placing five small bowls on the counter.

“Of course, our kids argue over which documentary to watch.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“Well, I haven’t seen Helvetica for a while, but Objectified was really, really good.” Julian thought out loud, spooning the ice cream and berries into the bowls.

“Helvetica. Hands down. Unless Following Sean or Gonzo are on pay-per-view.” I laughed, putting the spoons Rose had handed me into the ice cream. Julian and Rose each grabbed two and I grabbed one, and we all walking into the living room where Sophia was chasing Zero in her little nightgown and Natalia was playing on Julian’s iPhone. We all settled on The 11th Hour, and relaxed onto the couch and chairs; Rose sitting on one of the recliners, Natalia on the other, both with their feet up. Sophia was laying on the floor, propped up on one elbow, petting Zero with the other hand. Julian and I where laying on the couch together. I was trying my hardest to concentrate on the movie, but all I could think about was the conversation earlier in the kitchen.