The Pain We Feel

Although I wished to stay asleep and not face the morning light I knew I had to wake up. Eventually I got myself out of bed and ready for school though it took me a whole lot of effort to actually get to it. I don’t know why it took me so much effort. When I finally did get to school everything seemed normal, but for me it wasn’t. Although I tried to pull it off as if everything was.

“Hey, you finally got here.” Jen said as I approached our usual spot.

“Yeah, sorry I took so long to get here I didn’t get much sleep.” I replied as I sat down.

“I can tell you didn’t get much sleep. Were you tossing and turning again?” she questioned.

“Yeah, I was for like half of the night.” I told her truthfully.

“Hmmm……you usually only do that when something is really bothering you. You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” she asked me again.

“No, don’t worry about it. I’m fine. Really, I am. I just have a lot on my mind you know.” I said trying to reassure her.

“Yeah, I suppose that could make some sense as to why, but I don’t think it’s the whole reason.” she said still staring at me.

As if to make it anymore weirder, right then and there I was saved by the bell as it rang for first period. Luckily we had first period on different sides of the campus. So I started to walk away and turned back to wave bye. By the look on her face I could tell this conversation was far from over. I managed to get to class with time to spare. As I sat down in class I couldn’t focus at all. Then first period ended and then so did second period. As I headed to third period I couldn’t move quickly. For once I was scared to go to class. I was afraid that maybe somehow I would find out the truth behind the scar.

Unfortunately, I did get to class and he was there. As he saw me walk through the door he turned to smile at me. I felt bad for everything I had thought about him the night before but I didn’t want him to know I was sad. I took my seat behind him and just stayed quiet. Our teacher said for us to just finish yesterdays assignment, and that we could work with a partner. As soon as she was done talking Alex turned his desk around to face mine.

“Hey. Good morning.” He said smiling.

“Morning.” I said trying to sound happy.

“Hey, is something wrong?” he asked me as concern filled his eyes. It was moments like this that made me wonder how he felt about me.

“No, I’m fine. I just didn’t get that much sleep last night.” I told him.

“Oh, why couldn’t you sleep?” he questioned.

“I guess I just have a lot on my mind lately.” I replied lying to him as I had to Jen. Afterall I had only one thing on my mind, and it was slowly driving me crazy.

“Oh, that explains it some more I guess. Do you want to talk about any of it?” he asked
slowly watching me for my reaction.

“No, it’s ok. Really I’ll be fine but thanks for asking. I’ll be just fine. Just give me some time.” I said babbling on and on.

Seeming a little stunned by my answer he just nodded his head and then finally said, “Ok, I guess if you’re sure.”

Feeling bad I just nodded and then left to go to the bathroom. I couldn’t focus in the room I mean all these feelings for and about him just keep coming through my head. I tried to calm down as I headed back to the classroom, but all that effort went to waste when I saw him.

“Hey, your back! Are you sure your ok?” he asked conern in his eyes again.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m ok and I want to thank you for being concerned but you don’t have to be.” I said smiling at him the best fake smile I could muster.

A look I couldn’t understand then crossed his face but before I could figure out what it ment he smiled back. Then the bell rang and we walked side by side to the cafeteria. For once the walk was mostly quiet. When we made it to the cafeterias we were about to part ways when he turned to face me.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow Emily and don’t forget to do your homework.” he told me.

“What homework? We didn’t have any homework for today, did we?” I asked confused.

“Oh, well just look in your journal and double check ok. Bye Em.” he said laughing as he left.

“Bye.” I said after him.

I laughed at myself because I hated for people to call me Em but whenever Alex said it I would blush. I stopped thinking about it so much once I found Jen. Soon we were out of the lunch lines and we were sitting at our normal table. I looked through my math journal for the homework Alex talked about. Instead I found a sticky note on top of todays work. It had lots of writing that looked like Alex’s handwriting.

Emily I know you say your don’t want to talk about whatevers going on with you but if you change your mind you can always call or text me. Heres my number: 249-5104. You can put in the zip code if you want. Well, I hope you feel better and get more sleep. – Alex

I re-read it over and over not believeing what was on the paper. It just had caught me so off guard, but it explained why he laughed as he left.

“What’s up with you?” Jen said disturbing my thoughts.

“What do you mean?” I retorted.

“I mean that you just started blushing all of a sudden.” she replied staring at me.

“Oh, I did. Its not really anything. Alex just left a note critizing my work in math.” I lied.

Then my journal and note were gone from my side. Jen was reading through it and
when she finished she gave it back. For a while we said nothing in the dead silence that had fallen over the table.

“So he noitced how you were out of it too?” she questioned breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I managed to reply.

“So you didn’t tell him whats wrong with you?” she questioned further.

“No, I mean yes. I mean I didn’t tell him what was wrong with me.” I said confusing myself.

“Well, I hope you tell one of us because its not good for you to hold things in.” she finalized as we left the cafeteria.

I figured she would say no more on the subject, but I think she had a clue about something else that was going on with me.