The Pain We Feel

As I laid down that night, I couldn’t sleep. I continuously tossed and turned till finally I felt sleep cover the anxious thoughts racing through my mind for tomorrow.

Suddenly I appeared in a different room. It didn’t look anything like my house. I didn’t know what to do so I decided to roam around, I mean after all what harm could it do. Soon I came to a closed door. Slowly, and cautiously, I opened it finding a lone table with two chairs on either side set down in the middle of the room. Sitting on one of the chairs was Jacob looking like he had the day when I first met him with his t-shirt, that would soon become my favorite, and his old faded torn jeans. I was in shock unmoving from where I stood, but part of me was screaming for him to leave and disappear.

“There’s no way you’re here.” I bluntly stated.

He looked down and laughed till he finally said, “Nice to know you haven’t change, huh Emily? You seem to be just as stubborn as ever. Come on and just sit down for a second.”

“I think I’ll stay where I am.” I replied.

“Fine, suit yourself.” He resigned with a sigh.

“Why are you here Jacob? Better yet why am I here?” I questioned.

“No reason in particular just thought I’d drop by and see how you were doing.” He answered plainly.

“Why? I don’t see what gives you a right to, ugh. Do what you want but just don’t……never mind.” I grumbled.

“I can see you still don’t give up on what people would call a hopeless cause.” He said eyeing me as if he knew all about Alex.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think it’s time one of us left and if you won’t then I will.” I replied coldly turning my back on him.

“Oh, I think you do. Look, Emily I don’t want to fight about this, and I really have no saying in the matter either. Just be careful, and one final comment I promise. Just hear me out.” He paused, waiting for my objection.

“Fine, go on with what you have to say Jacob.” I said my jaw locking.

“Don’t let history repeat itself here. Remember you matter just as much as he does.” He said staring at the table avoiding my gaze as if this subject caused him pain.

“Goodbye Jacob.” I left without another word.

The room faded and soon after, I woke up. At first, I wasn’t sure whether I was truly awake. Slowly I opened my eyes. I felt comfort as I stared at my boring, yet normal ceiling. I looked at the clock it read nine thirty am. Great, now I was letting Jacob mess with my sleep patterns again, but it was different then before. Now I was wide awake and I had six hours before I could leave.

I sat up lazily in my bed thinking of what I cold do to pass the time. It felt like it would take ages before I could start getting ready. So I attempted to reason with the fact that I was probably loosing it. I mean that was the only explanation that made sense. How else could I be seeing Jacob? How could he even know about Alex? Jacob was a past memory and that was all he would ever be.

So I did first things first and got up to make breakfast. I cold feel the anxiousness growing in my stomach, and could barely eat my ham and eggs. I looked up at the clock it had only passed an hour. Time was once again conspiring against me. So I figured I could take a walk and clear my head. I didn’t want to risk Alex seeing me a bit upset just because of another dream about him. So I put on my jeans and my favorite black and purple striped shirt for now, and I headed for the nearby park. I took my headphones out and pressed play as I let myself become swept away by the music. As I arrived at the mission park I headed for a tree that over looked the small stream down the hill. Though the sun shined brightly down I felt refreshed under the trees shade. I listened closely to the lyrics of the song now playing while closing my eyes or watching the peaceful water every now and then. I loved listening to my songs with the vast collection I had become familiar with as soon as I realized how amazing music was to life. My Ipod had at least three thousand songs or more, which was constantly growing, and whenever I had it on shuffle it was the never the same. It would go from Tenth Avenue North to Forever the Sickest Kids, or Journey to Brad Paisley. I literally listened to everything, and Alex did too which was another thing that I liked about him. I listened to my music then felt my eyes closing as I began to doze off.

When I woke up I was calm, and felt better than I had when I had been startled awake this morning. As I checked my phone my cell I sprang up to my feet and started running home seeing I had only an hour to get ready before I started to head off for Alex’s house. Taking a quick shower, doing my hair, and changing into a brand new outfit, my favorite one skinny jeans and my black To Write Love On Her Arms t-shirt. Knowing my dad was less likely to ask questions I had him drive me to his house promising to be home by my curfew at midnight. He nodded and left with just a mere wave goodbye. Alex’s house was spacious and had an antiquated feel to it for a two story house that had a small porch. I slowly walked up the steps as I double checked the address. Once face to face I took a deep breath and rang the bell.