Price Check On Monogamy

I felt like shit.

I wanted to scream, do anything; but I couldn’t. After chasing Milo down the street for five minutes straight, I realized that he was the athlete, and he had a good three-minute head start.

He was gone.

So, instead of searching the neighborhood for him, I decided to walk straight to his house. His dad probably wasn’t home; if I got there early, I could just wait on the porch. I needed to apologize. Explain. Anything.

Sniffing the Tiger Lilies in my hand, my heart clenched. Milo was the only person on the face of the earth who would actually remember that I loved Tiger Lilies.

By the time I got to his house, I was shaking. Leaves were showering down from the bouquet, my hands were quaking so badly. Gnawing at my lip, I snuck up to the house quietly, trying to see if Milo was in or not. The living room light told me he was home; the smell of brownies told me he was depressed; the loud Metallica music blasting through the surround sound system in the room told me he’d been crying.

Because that was how well I knew him. That was how well we knew each other.

What have I fucking done?

I stood frozen in place, stuck behind the tree I was hiding behind. Suddenly, I was flashing back to the first time I’d turned him down. It was the only time I’d ever made Milo cry. The only time I’d gone home and drunk myself into a stupor so bad that I woke up over a day later with a headache that made me think I was dying.

”So, Tiger, do you want to go out with me?”

“I’m sorry, Milo. I just… I can’t live thinking that you might just one day wake up and decide you don’t like me anymore. I can’t.”

“I’d never do that to you. You’re special.”

“Milo, you do that to everyone else.”

“But you’re different! You’re everything to me!”

“Milo, how many other girls have you told that to?”

“No one! There’s no one! You’re the only girl I could ever picture myself staying with, growing old with, wanting to be with for the rest of my life. It’s you, Tiger. It’s always, it’s only, ever been you.”

“Milo… I can’t. Those are amazing words-- I wish I could believe them. I’m sorry.”

He’d gone to the Alps to practice with his dad the very next day. He didn’t come back until he’d gotten a girlfriend a month and a half later. Two months later, they’d broken up, and he’d pledged to change for me.

I’d wanted to believe him. Honest, I’d wanted to believe him so badly.

I couldn’t.

Forcing myself away from the tree and deciding it was time to face the music, I walked up the porch quietly-- not that there was any actual need, I doubt he’d be able to hear me walking up the steps over the Metallica music-- and knocked on the door. Holding my breath, I stared at the ground and waited.

Light flooded the dark floor. “Tiger?”

I winced at how broken he sounded. Forcing myself to be a big girl and look up, I said quietly, avoiding those hazel eyes I loved so much, “Milo?”

“Tiger, we… we need to talk.”

I bit my lip and looked him in the eyes. It was the least I could do, right? Unfortunately, it was also the biggest mistake I could have made. His eyes, his amazing hazel eyes, were bloodshot and swollen from crying. There was so much pain in them that I’m pretty sure my heart broke in half. I tasted bile-- or maybe that was just blood, because I knew I bit through my lip. “Yeah, we do. Milo, listen--“

“No,” he shook his head furiously, curly, sandy brown hair flying everywhere. “Please. Please, Tiger. I… I saw where you were today. Please. Please, just listen.”

I nodded, frozen once again. “Okay, Milo,” I whispered.

“I… like I said, I saw where you were. I… I shouldn’t have been there. I came back from the Alps because I wanted to ask you out. I was going to beg you to believe that I’d changed. You mean the world to me, Tiger. You’ve always been the girl I was going to marry, grow old with, die happily with. I was going to keep you safe. The only reason why I went over today, the only reason I found you, was because I heard the screaming. The screaming… your screaming. I knew it was you. I knew. I ran over. I was going to save you. I saw you… and… him.” The way his voice hitched at the mention of Tandem made me want to find Tandem and skin the stupid bastard alive. Clearing his throat, Milo, continued, “I don’t know. I don’t know what happened--“

“Milo, please!” I begged, suddenly unfrozen. I needed to explain to him. Tell him about the bet, and tell him about how I was going to call the whole thing off as soon as I got the chance. About how I believed he’d changed for me. About how I wanted to show him that he’d always been the one for me, too. The look on his face stopped me.

A twisted, deformed, almost amused smile distorted his face. I’d never seen it on him before, and… it scared me.

“No!” He screamed. “No! I don’t know what happened! Maybe that stupid bastard abuses you; maybe that’s why you screamed! Maybe you’re into pain! Maybe you liked it the whole time!” He laughed, and the laugh was so disturbed that I winced just at that. “A pain slut. Who would have thought it? No, Tiger!”

I was terrified. I’d never seen Milo so… disturbed. He sobered instantly, though, when he reached out and I pulled back, afraid. He looked… scared. Brushing his hand over my face, I realized that I’d started crying.

“Tiger,” he said quietly, “We can’t be friends. I can’t… I can’t handle seeing you around anyone else. My heart broke when I saw you today. I can’t… I can’t let it happen again. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. But… goodbye.”

“What… what does that mean?” I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I couldn’t imagine flat out not talking to Milo ever again. I just couldn’t. But Milo was already on his way back inside. “Milo!”

“Tiger… I’m sorry.”

And he shut the door on me for the first time since we’d met.