Price Check On Monogamy

"Tiger? Tiger!"

I blinked once, twice, dragging myself away from that horrible, horrible memory and back to where I was, sitting on the floor of my living room with Caleb. It took me a second to realize that I was covered in tears-- so was Caleb.

"What?" I whispered.

Caleb didn't say anything at first. Then, "I'm so sorry, Tiger."

Wesley hadn't left my room that night-- but I had. After two hours, I managed to squirm out from under his sleeping form and walk into the bathroom without even the energy to cry, anymore. Or, at least, I hadn't had the energy to cry until I'd seen myself in the mirror.

My shoulders were bruised horrendously from all his grabbing and yanking, and my hair was knotted from being pulled on; he'd yanked at my hair to move me into different positions, after he'd literally torn my clothes off trying to use them to do the same thing. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot from the crying I'd done for the first hour, until I'd realized the crying had just made it that much more fun for him. There was blood on my neck from his biting, and my lips were swollen from being bitten and... well, abused.

And that's what broke me-- and my mirror, after I'd smashed a vase into it.

My first kiss was from the drunken rapist that had still been asleep in my room.

I slept in the bathroom that night. Since I'd locked the door and, thank God, our house had two bathrooms, no one had bothered me until I'd woken up the next day at noon and snuck back into my room. Opening the door to my own bedroom had been the scariest moment of my life-- was, in retrospect, still probably the scariest moment of my life. I'd been terrified that Wesley was still in there. So terrified that, had I not been in a towel standing paralyzed outside of my own bedroom, I would have kept standing there. The thought of him waking up and opening the door to directly come face to face with me had terrified me into opening the door.

Wesley'd been gone, of course. Just like everyone else in the house, including my sister and my brother. I'd been alone and, for the first time ever, I had no idea how to handle being alone; I knew I couldn't see people looking the way I did, and I knew I couldn't just stay in the room where it had all happened, so I did the only thing I could think of.

I curled up on my bedroom floor and went back to sleep, hoping to God I'd never wake up.

I was wrong, though-- dead wrong. I didn't only wake up, I woke up to a call from Caleb, in the middle of that night. I almost didn't answer the phone, just because I hated Caleb that much, but in the end, I'd decided to pick up the call.

It hadn't been Caleb; it'd been Wesley.

"Hey, babe."

It was like all the blood in my body froze and my heart stopped beating-- for just a second. "Why are you calling me?"

"I didn't realize you were the type that wouldn't want a call in the morning." His laugh made me tear up-- that laugh. That horrible, sadistic, evil laugh. "I'll keep that in mind next time."

"Next time?" I choked out. There wouldn't be a next time. No next time. No nothing. There wouldn't be anything. That psychotic rapist wasn't coming to my house, ever again. He was moving. He was leaving. With all the thoughts roiling through my head, I didn't remember to breath until I felt like my lungs were collapsing.

And there was that laugh again. "Don't be stupid, babe, it doesn't suit you like it suits your sister. I'm moving, remember?"

The air rushed back into my lungs and inflated them amazingly as I sucked in air to calm me back down. "So why are you calling?" I asked quickly, desperate to get off the phone.

"To give you a warning." There wasn't any laughter now. It brought back horrible flashes of those dark, dark eyes from the night before. "Don't tell anyone what happened last night. You hear me? Not anyone. You go to your grave with this, Tiger. And I swear to God, if I find out you told a single fucking person, I will send you to that grave myself. Got it?"

Tears were already streaming back down my face, and I nodded slowly, but I couldn't get the words out; I just kept mouthing them, praying for sound that never came.

"Didn't I just fucking ask you a question?" Wesley shouting was enough to make me flinch into my carpet, force me into crying even harder. I nodded vigorously and, somehow, found my voice.

"Y-yes, Wesley. I-I understand."

He'd hung up without even a goodbye, but that was fine by me. I'd just curled into a ball and done my best to forget the world-- and, as it turned out, my best was really, really damn good.

For a week, I didn't leave my room for anything other than bathroom, food, and water runs; and if there were people of any sort in the house when I opened my door, I slammed it back shut and waited another few hours until they were gone.

I lived pathetically. I was pathetic. But more than pathetic, I was absolutely, one hundred percent shattered into a million pieces. Every day, all I could get myself to do was sleep, and every time I slept, all I saw were Wesley's eyes, staring down at me like I was the most disgusting thing on the planet-- and the absolute best toy in the world to positively demolish.

After that week, I couldn't stand the dreams anymore. I couldn't stand being trapped in my room like I was a prisoner barricaded within the scene of the crime.

I called Tawny and Lexy and sobbed to them what'd happened.

"We'll kill him," Tawny said solemnly, her face set in stone as Lexy held me and stroked my hair, making my wince every time she slid her hand down it. He'd pulled at my hair so hard it'd bruised my scalp.

"You can't tell anybody I told you," I whispered.

Tawny had clenched her fists tight and a tear ran down the side of her face. She looked at Lexy, who'd stopped stroking my hair, and nodded slowly. "We understand, Tiger. We won't tell a soul."

With their help, I'd gotten back on my feet-- slowly, and they hadn't been able to totally salvage my life. My boyfriend left me, because he couldn't stand the sudden distance, but I wasn't willing to let anyone aside from Lexy and Tawny touch me. Because his brother left, eventually, Tawny's boyfriend broke up with her, too-- something that I'd been guilty over for a long, long time, especially after she'd started dating Adam.

My therapy started when my parent's came home for a very surprise, very badly timed visit. I'd still had the bruises and marks on my neck and shoulders, and my usually oblivious mother had noticed how I refused to touch or look anyone in the eye. I'd told them-- and the therapist they rushed me to-- that I'd been jumped walking home one night, and my attackers had beat the shit out of me after blindfolding me. Everyone bought it-- enough for both my parents to think I was an irresponsible wild child, which, in all honesty, was fine by me. Anything was better than them knowing the truth. Anything was better than having to retell the story.

To this day, I'd refused to speak of it ever, ever again, a refusal which Tawny and Lexy had absolutely no problem with. No one else knew a thing-- or, at least, no one else was supposed to know a thing.

Which meant...

"You knew this whole time."

Caleb stiffened, his arms suddenly tense around me. I pulled away from him violently and sent myself sprawling backwards and staring at him in horror.

"You knew this whole time!" I hissed again. When he didn't defend himself, it was like a dam burst inside of me-- Caleb had done some fucked up things in his life, especially to me. But this had to take the cake. "You... you knew! You knew your fucking psychotic best friend was a... a..." I swallowed, unable to finish the sentence, and chose, instead, to move on. "And at the beginning of this fucking bet! You knew!" It amazed me to realize that I was crying again, my vision blurring as the reality of what I'd said slammed into me. Pointing a hesitant, shaking finger at my brother, I screamed, "You blackmailed me with my own rape!"

"No!" Caleb found his voice, apparently, and was suddenly right in front of me, off the stairs, holding my shoulders as I squirmed to get away from him. "Tiger--"

"NO!" I screamed. "NO, SHUT UP. I don't want to hear ANYTHING you have to say! NOTHING!"

"Please--"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Caleb crushed me into him, and I couldn't tell if the bear hug was supposed to be to calm me down or keep me from slapping him. Either way, it worked; I'd worked myself up so badly that I couldn't scream, I couldn't even talk. I could just sob into my brother's shoulder as he held me and rocked me back and forth.

"I didn't..." Caleb whispered, then stopped. Taking a shaky breath, he pressed on, "I didn't know that was what happened. I... I knew you and Wesley... had..." Caleb trailed off, like any word he could put there would make a mockery of what happened-- which, in all honestly, is probably exactly why he trailed off. "I knew that much. Wesley... he told a bunch of people, but no one believed him. I did, though. When you stopped coming out of your room, stopped being able to touch anyone or look at anyone, I..." Caleb's voice cracked, and I could feel his chest shaking. "I'm so sorry, Tiger. I thought it was because you felt guilty. And... and I was so pissed at you. I was pissed at you for... for doing... anything with one of my best friends. I was pissed at you for not telling me. But... but mostly I was pissed at you because you hated me after that, and I couldn't understand why."

"You didn't like me," I whispered. I'd stopped crying-- I guess it was because I believed him. Caleb... Caleb was a sick bastard, but he wasn't evil. And there was a part of me, deep down, that was just so certain that he'd never, ever be able to do something so... cruel to me. "Why would it bother you if I hated you?" Not that it wasn't true. After Wesley pointed out the harsh reality that Caleb wouldn't care if I called for his help, the already huge line between me and Caleb turned into something that might have been a universe separating us. Though he'd made it painfully clear in middle school that he was suddenly too cool for me, we'd never outright hated each other until high school had started. Every day that I spent alone in the dark, trapped in my room, terrified to face the world, I hated Caleb more and more. For having such an evil friend, for bringing that friend anywhere near me, for never even bothering to check on me. I knew we weren't friends-- but I was his sister. It was a bitter pill indeed to think that he didn't check on me because he either didn't notice I was gone or he didn't care-- and I had no idea which one was worse.

"I never hated you," Caleb said quietly. "I... I realized after I heard Wesley telling people, after I got so pissed off about it, that I didn't want to be too cool for you, anymore. That I wanted to have my best friend back; and not the shitty best friends that I had so much of. But you hated me so damn much, you wanted nothing to do with me. So I thought... I thought that, if I couldn't be your friend, I would be your worst fucking enemy. And I tried, Tiger. I really tried. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't just feed you to the wolves. So I did the only thing I could think of-- I combined both ideas."

That just didn't make any sense. Not even for Caleb. "What do you mean?" I asked suspiciously. How else had they ruined my life without even telling me? I pulled away from Caleb slowly, and he let me-- but he wouldn't meet my eyes once I did.

Caleb took another deep breath and, amazingly, pressed on. "I told everyone that you were my twin-- and how ashamed I was of it, and how much I hated the fact that we were related, and how we were nothing alike. I talked shit every chance I got. I made everyone think I hated you. Even... even you, I guess." I clenched my fist at my side and glanced away from him again. He'd convinced me that he'd hated me, alright. He'd convinced the entire fucking school to hate me. Freshmen year for most people sucks-- freshmen year for me? Even the other freshmen couldn't stand me.

"Thanks so much for looking out for me," I mumbled sarcastically. Caleb didn't even bother to acknowledge I'd spoken-- if he noticed at all.

"Freshmen year, it went exactly how I'd wanted it to go; people hated you, so they left you alone. People walked around you in the halls. People... people did what people do best. They ignored you." And, suddenly, the plan made sense to me. It was so simple that it was genius: by making everyone hate me, Caleb had successfully guaranteed that they would never go near me. It was so backwards that I had no doubt he'd come up with it all on his own.

But this whole conversation was still making no sense.

"What does any of this have to do with Tandem?"

Caleb studied me again, this time for just a second. "It didn't work for long," he said finally. "Guys... guys started... they were interested. They thought you were... they liked you. They started not caring that I hated you. Jeremy was actually the first person to admit it-- and, in a moment of intense panic, I... I reminded him of the unspoken code. The fact that a true friend would never, never date his friend's sister without expressed permission. When that worked, I just... I made sure everyone knew. No one could touch you unless they got my permission, first." Caleb finally met my eyes. "For the first year and a half, no one got my permission."

The pieces were starting to click together slowly; it was like I could see it all falling into place right before my eyes. "Tandem asked," I said quietly.

Caleb nodded and looked away again. "I don't... I don't know why I suddenly didn't want to say no. Maybe it was because I fucking hate Milo, and you were always... you were always around the little prick, and I couldn't control that. Maybe it was because he said he'd prove that he wanted to make it work. Either way, I..." Caleb swallowed, hard. "Either way, this time, I said that, if he could pass a test, he could go for it." Caleb raised an eyebrow. "Though, in my defense, I never actually thought you'd say yes."

Now, that pissed me off. "You blackmailed me!" I hissed.

Caleb shook his head. "You really think mom and dad would care if they heard you weren't a virgin? You really think mom and dad think Katy's still a virgin?"

"That's not the point!" I snapped. "You knew! You fucking knew!"

"TIger, pay attention, dammit!" Caleb snapped back. "I already told you, I didn't fucking know... the whole thing. Alright?" His voice quieted and he cleared his throat. "I, I guess... maybe I thought that I could get back at you with that little dig, for not telling me. For not letting me know that you'd..." Caleb looked away. "I told you, I didn't know all of it."

"Then how did you find out?" I asked defensively. If Caleb knew...

"No one told me," he said fast, hands up. "No one... no one told me anything."

"Then how did you find out?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

Caleb rolled his eyes. "Shut up and let me finish the story." Caleb took another deep breath and rearranged himself so he was sitting cross legged across from me. "You probably already know it, though. The bet... it was a set up. Jeremy didn't know what was going on, but I told Tandem that if he could get you to fall for him in six months... if he could just not break your heart..." Caleb cleared his throat. "But he did. And he didn't fucking tell me that you two were dating to begin with. So he fucked up the bet. And I wanted to fuck him up."

I eyed Caleb carefully. "But you didn't."

Caleb sighed. "No, I didn't. I... I wanted some sort of proof that you actually had cared about him."

"You tore up my room," I said softly, my eyes wide. "So that's why you did that. You were looking for some sort of proof that we were... happy."

"And I almost didn't find it," Caleb ran a hand through his hair and glanced away from me. "I was gonna break the fucking lock off that closet door, when I remembered that you used to hide all your candy on that sill above your window. So I ripped down the curtains, and..."

I pressed my hand, balled into a tight fist, into my mouth. Lucky bitch. I only kept two things there-- a box full of my memories, and a journal that I'd had to write back when I'd first started therapy.

"I thought the journal might have been more recent," Caleb said softly. "And I..."

"You read about what happened."

"I'm sorry." Caleb looked at me, and there were tears in his eyes, and a part of my heart broke. Ha, like there was any part of my heart, at this point, that wasn't broken. "I'm so sorry that I was so mad at you for so long. I'm sorry that I blamed it on you. I'm... I'm sorry that I didn't stop it."

"Finish the story," I said softly.

Caleb looked at me-- just looked at me. "That box... you kept the Lion King flyer. He told me about the play. It... it was proof enough for me to try and help him out."

"So this entire time... this was all a set up?"

Caleb looked at me carefully. "Not all of it. The parts that I controlled, yeah. But Tandem..." Caleb took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Tandem doesn't know how to pretend like I do."

I took a deep breath and dropped my head into my hands.

"That's a fucking understatement."