Price Check On Monogamy

After me and Caleb had cried pretty much our entire reserve of tears for the next three years, we did exactly what we'd done straight through elementary school:

We ate junk food and talked sitting on the kitchen floor until midnight.

"If Jeremy didn't know anything, then how has he been giving you advice this entire time?" I asked, taking another big gulp of Coke. Caleb had filled me in on all the little details after another half hour of just straight... crying and holding each other. It was like we were making up for all the lost time of not being there for each other.

And, I had to admit, it was awesome.

Caleb shrugged and shoveled another spoonful of cookie dough into his mouth. "He figured it out himself. He's known for a long time that I didn't really hate you, though; he figured that out when I told him that if we were as tight as I thought we were, he wouldn't date my twin sister. I think once you told him what'd happened between you and Tandem, especially when you mentioned how much Tandem didn't want you to tell anyone anything, he just pieced it together himself. I sure as hell never explained anything to him."

I had to smile at that. Apparently, my best friend was in even better hands than I had thought; I never would've given Jeremy so much credit towards... unraveling puzzles.

Stealing the cookie dough from Caleb and taking a spoonful for myself, I took a deep breath, and decided that, if we were really on such good terms now that everything was out in the open, it would be okay if I asked something that had been bothering me for a long, long time. "Caleb?"

"Yes?"

"Do you..." I sighed, not really sure if he would be offended or not. Even if Caleb had been pretending to be a hateful, shitty brother, he'd never had to fake his temper. "Do you still talk to Wesley."

"Of course not," he said fast, looking at me. He wasn't hurt, though; it was more like... anger. Caleb ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Wes lost contact with me and Jeremy after he'd moved because he was always training for track and we were always caught up in our own lives at school. We grew apart." Caleb eyed me and snatched back the cookie dough. "After I read that journal entry, I tried to find him, Tiger. I really did. Had I found him, I wouldn't snapped his fucking neck. But he'd been kicked out of the school he left here for, and their office couldn't tell me where he'd gone after that." Caleb sighed, taking another bite of cookie dough. "Trust me, Tiger, I was looking for him."

That made my heart swell; my brother really did care about me. I guess what I had to love most about all of this-- even if a lot of it had been incredibly painful-- was the fact that it wasn't hard. We'd hated each other-- or, at least, I'd honestly hated him-- for almost three years now. And yet, in a couple hours, it was like none of it had ever happened. We were sitting exactly where we'd sat before.

Only, now, we had a lot more to talk about than just who in our class was our teacher's favourite.

"So you knew this was coming," Caleb said after a while, pulling out a box of Oreos and getting up to get some milk. "But, after all of this, what do you think of Tandem?"

I sighed and leaned back against the counter we were in front of. "I don't know. The same way I thought of him before, I guess."

Caleb dropped back down next to me, a glass of milk in his hand. He eyed me over the Oreo he was biting into. "Liar."

I stuck my tongue out at him, but grabbed an Oreo and started nibbling on it to distract myself. Yeah, I was lying. So what? "Why does it matter?" I sighed again and tugged at a stray strand of my hair. "I have a boyfriend now. Tyler. Remember him?"

Caleb raised an eyebrow at me. "The one that ran out on you during the party? You know that if you had gotten hurt that night I would've beat the shit out of him, right?"

I laughed. "Thanks, Caleb. But still..."

Caleb studied me for a second. "You're not dating him because you like him."

Now, that was hurtful. "I do like him! I'm not just dating him to get over Tandem, you realize that, right?"

Caleb rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant. I know you like him, Tiger. But that's not why you're dating him."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed another Oreo. "Then why am I dating him, Caleb?"

"How am I supposed to know?" When I didn't answer right away, Caleb sighed and put down the Oreos-- shit just got real. "Look, I don't know for sure why you're dating him, but I think I might. Tawny and Lexy told you to, and..." Caleb sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "And Tyler is one hundred percent nothing like Tandem."

"That's not--" I cut myself off at Caleb's look. Fine, alright. "In honour of our newly renewed friendship, fine, I'll tell you. It's not just that he's nothing like Tandem, and it's not just that Tawny and Lexy told me to."

Caleb raised an eyebrow at me. "Then what is it, Tiger?"

I fidgeted nervously. "He's... look, you and Heather are perfect for each other. Katy and... whoever she's finally settled down with are perfect for each other. Even Jeremy and Tawny are turning out to be perfect for each other."

Caleb didn't move an inch. "So?"

"So? So I found someone who's perfect for me."

"Yeah. Tandem. So why's Tyler still dating you, again?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nice try. But I'm serious. Tandem..." I cut off and laughed awkwardly. "Never mind."

"Nah, c'mon, tell me."

"You'll think I'm being stupid," I mumbled, grabbing another Oreo to distract myself.

Caleb rolled his eyes and shoved me with his shoulder. "C'mon, Tiger, just spill it."

"Fine," I mumbled, shoving him back. I pulled the Oreo apart and started licking at the creme. "Look, Tandem was perfect, alright? We fought all the time, we made up, we got better, we went on all the adventures that any girl in her right mind would want to go on. He got us into all the right clubs, and all the right restaurants, and all the right parties. He was rich, athletic, talented, and had a definite future ahead of himself." And that's where I had to pause.

Caleb's face was exactly what I'd expected: totally bewildered. "How does all that prove any sort of reason why you won't just forgive him and go back to him?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes, bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "That's just it, though. Tandem's perfect, Caleb, but we're not perfect for each other. Does it kind of make sense?"

Calen raised his eyebrow at me. "No, not really, but I'm waiting for it to."

I sighed and laid my head down on my knees. "It's like... Tandem's Prince Charming, but I'm not his Cinderella, you know? I'm not even close, and I don't really want to be."

"So... you think he's too good for you."

"No!" Kind of. "That's not it. Look, when I saw him and Kip--"

"Tiger," Caleb groaned. "You and I both know that Kip was the one that did that. It's not fair to hold it against him, so if that's the reason why and you're just making shit up at this point--"

"Shut up," I snapped. Caleb stuck his tongue out at me in response, but grabbed another Oreo and sat back, waving his hand at me to continue. "I know that he didn't start things with Kip, and I know I'm being a bitch holding it against him. It's just... fuck, man. When I saw him kissing Kip, I realized how different me and him were. It all just kind of came to me. He can get me into all the right clubs and parties and restaurants, but that's not the sort of girl I am. I don't like waiting for my boyfriend to come back to the table with drinks; I don't even like drinking. I don't like big crowds. I don't like big, empty houses. And, I tried, you know? I tried to be that sort of girl for him, but it didn't work out. I couldn't even really try because... well, that's not how I wanted to be." I sighed and fidgeted. "It's kind of that I think he's too good for me, but it's mostly that I think we're not good for each other. He needs a girl that's not going to try and hold him back; especially since he's going away to college. And I need a guy who can make me smile-- not just when we're by ourselves, but when we're around other people, too. Tandem can't pretend, but that's part of the problem-- he doesn't know how to combine his two lives... the one with me and the one that he's used to." I was staring down at my hands, messing with my nails. "He deserves a girl that can be what he's used to, a girl that he knows how to deal with. A girl that won't start yelling at him for... being himself. And I deserve a guy that can give me a date that doesn't end in tears, the first time around. A guy that can save me without having put me in trouble in the first place. We're just... we're too different."

Caleb wasn't looking at me anymore; he was just kind of staring at the ceiling, his head tilted back. "And Tyler's the guy you think you're perfect for?"

"I think we're perfect for each other, yeah."

Caleb turned to look at me, and it made me smile to see his eyes were so... soft, caring. I missed that look. "I've done enough to screw with your life," Caleb said finally. "And I know that I've done a lot to screw with your life. So I'm gonna stay out of this one. And even though I hate Tyler-- and I fucking hate Tyler," Caleb repeated, raising an eyebrow at me. "And even though Tandem's still my best friend... I want you to know that I'll have your back no matter what you choose."

I beamed and hugged Caleb tight. "Thanks, Caleb," I said softly. "I love you."

Caleb hugged me back and laughed. "I love you, too, Tiger. Now it's fucking late, and you had a long day, alright? I'll put everything away, just go to bed."

I smiled and let him go. Ruffling Caleb's hair, I padded my way back upstairs slowly and climbed into bed.

A lot of it had hurt, but I wouldn't change any part of today for the world.