Price Check On Monogamy

"Tiger!"

And there was Tyler. At nine in the morning. At my door. Making me want to shove my head under a pillow at the couch.

"Tiger, are you home?"

I didn't want to be home, that was for damned sure. But I didn't really want to see him, either.

You can tell me anything...

Yeah, right. I could say anything then get blown off, apparently. I didn't want to have to face Tyler after that pitiful conversation last night-- not because I didn't want to talk about it, but because I knew he wouldn't talk about it. He wouldn't say a word, he'd pretend it didn't happen, and we'd have an amazing, superficial time.

To match our increasingly amazing, superficial relationship.

"Tiger?"

Now or never. Err, 'till tomorrow.

Sighing and getting off my ass, I decided to let it go. There wasn't any point in holding it against him, anyway; I would have freaked out if he'd called me and told me something like that. It wasn't fair of me to just assume he'd be okay with it, I guess.

"Hey, sorry," I said, smiling and opening the door to Tyler. He beamed back at me.

"I got you these," he said brightly, handing me a bouquet of roses and making me laugh. Roses weren't my favourite, but I didn't get flowers often. There were some thing every girl really wants, right?

Taking the flowers and smelling them, I hugged him with my other arm. "Thanks, Tyler, these are beautiful. Let me go put them in some water."

Before I could walk away, though, Tyler grabbed my wrist and tugged me back fast. "Wait, Tiger..."

I turned, suddenly really, really hopeful--

"Yes?"

"Could you please hurry? We've got a big day ahead of us."

-- and I really don't have any clue why I was.

Smiling wearily, I nodded. "Alright, Tyler. I'll be out in a second."

- - -

And a big day we had.

I came home tired and smiling; the thing about Tyler was that, while he never actually mentioned anything awkward that went down between the two of us ever, he always busted ass to make it up to me. And it was nice; the breakfast was nice, the park was nice, even running all the errands with him until dinner at nine was nice. The childish kisses, the hand holding, the teenage romance.

It always made me smile at the end of the day.

"Caleb? Tiger? Anyone? Can someone open the door?"

I jumped at the sound of a tired, high-pitched voice shouting at the front door. Jogging over and opening the door, I raised an eyebrow at Katy-- and whoever the hell she was with.

"Katy, umm... what the hell?"

Katy, to my knowledge, hadn't been home in weeks. Her long blonde hair was tangled, and her light brown roots were showing more than I'd seen since... well, since she was in middle school and she started bleaching it. She was wearing black sweatpants-- sweatpants, what the hell, right?-- and a pink tank top. WIth no makeup. With a huge, black jacket hanging on her shoulders that I must assume belonged to the guy standing next to her.

The guy standing next to her was decked out in black skinny jeans and a purple, long sleeved v-neck shirt, his blonde hair spiked and the tips dyed green. He had snakebites and dark aviator sunglasses hanging on his shirt.

Katy smiled at me, and her smile made me smile, too. Maybe it was all the sibling bonding that had happened with Caleb last night, or maybe it was the fact that, for once, she was smiling without looking like a Malibu Barbie doll. Either way, I couldn't help but feel like Katy was finally happy with someone.

Even, err... someone I never would've expected. Someone I'm pretty sure no one would've expected.

"Tiger, this is my boyfriend, Drew," Katy grabbed his hand and tugged on it. "Drew, this is my sister, Tiger. This is the sister I was telling you about."

Drew smiled and held out his other hand, which I, after hesitating for a second, shook. "Hey, you're the first person from Katy's family that I'm meeting. Sorry I kept her for so long."

"Nice to meet you," I said, smiling a little awkwardly.

"He took me to go see some concerts," Katy said excitedly.

"Yeah, and she didn't want to tell anyone where she was going," Drew laughing running a hand through his spiked hair nervously. "No one's pissed or anything, right? I should've made her come home first, she didn't even have clothes."

"Did you know sweatpants were so comfortable?" Katy added, giggling. Drew shook his head smiling and wrapped his arms around Katy's waist.

"You're sister's a really weird girl," Drew laughed and kissed Katy on the cheek. Pulling back away from her, he nodded toward the living room. "Umm, is it okay if I keep her for a little longer? There's one more concert I told her I'd take her to--"

"He's taking me to go see Beyonce preform," Katy squealed.

Drew looked away, embarrassed. "I was kind of hoping she wouldn't mention that part."

I laughed and stepped out of the way. "No problem, man. C'mon, you can wait for Katy in the living room while she goes to go grab her clothes or whatever."

Katy almost ran up to her room to go grab her stuff. It made me stare after her, confused; I'd seen her happy before, but never so... excited. And, for some inexplicable reason, I couldn't help but assume that she was excited about Drew-- not Beyonce.

"She's a real character, your sister," Drew said, making me jump and remember that he was in the kitchen with me. I turned and shook my head at him.

"She's, err... not usually like this."

"Yeah, I know," Drew laughed. "Believe it or not, I've known her for a while now. You're probably wondering how we met, right?"

"Umm, yeah, that's be a nice thing to know."

Drew shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced up toward Katy's room smiling, just the hint of a smile on his face. "It's kind of a weird story. She was dating my little brother for a while there; Elias, the guy she went to one of your school's formals with."

"Oh, hey, I remember him," I said softly, tilting my head. Elias. The kid'd been a real asshole. Then again, Katy had been a real bitch.

"If if helps, I'm nothing like him," Drew said, his tone sympathetic. It made me laugh as he went on, "Well, I came home for spring break, and Katy came over the night I came home. Elias, like the little prick he is, was hooking up with some chick when she walked into the room-- I could hear her screaming from outside in the garage. I offered her a ride home, but she hadn't wanted to come home. So, instead, I decided to take her along with me to the concert I'd been planning to go to; an underground concert at a bar downtown. She didn't drink anything, I swear," he added hastily.

"Trust me, it wouldn't be the first time," I mumbled, making him laugh. Leaning against the wall and crossing my arms, I decided it was probably one of those times that I be a big sister-- since, apparently, I was going to start trying to be a better sibling. "So what makes you like my sister? No offense, man, but..."

"I don't look like her type and she sure as hell doesn't look anything like mine?" Drew finished for me. He winked and shrugged. "I don't know, man; she's a pretty girl, when she's not trying so hard to be, and I like her personality. She's bubbly. I like that."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I respect that answer."

"So I'm off big sister's hook?" Drew asked, grinning.

"Just two more questions. How old are you and does the money our family has have anything to do with you liking her bubbly personality?"

Drew's mouth actually dropped, which was enough to convince me of at least one answer. "God no. I'm a good boyfriend, I promise, big sister. I would've bought her clothes, but she didn't want me spending anymore money on her. Plus, I wanted her to ask for permission to go out of state," His grin was back now. "The concerts in California. I really hope that's okay. Anyway, trust me, I've got money handled."

"Really, now?"

Drew laughed. "Yes, really. I finally got signed, thank God. And my dad's a producer, if you remember anything about Elias. I check out now, big sister?"

I tilted my head and grinned back at him, impressed. "A musician?"

Drew winked right as Katy's door closed upstairs. "I'll send you a demo C.D. sometime. And I'm 17-- I go to an art school out of state," he added, right as Katy skipped down the stairs and grabbed his arm.

Tip-toeing and kissing Drew on the cheek, she asked, in her sweetest voice, "Drew, do you wanna go wait outside for me? Thanks!"

Drew nodded toward me and smiled. "It was nice meeting you, big sister."

"Isn't he great?" Katy squealed. Then she did the most shocking thing of all-- she hugged me. "Tiger, he's great, right?"

"Yeah, Katy," I said, stunned. Slowly, I hugged her back. "He seems like a great guy. You... you have fun with him."

Katy let me go and stared at me for a second. "Tiger, the concert's all the way out in California---"

"I know," I interrupted. I smiled and shook my head. "I'll cover for you if anything happens, alright? Go have fun."

Katy beamed. "Thank you so much, Tiger! You're the best big sister ever!"

All I could do was smile and nudge her toward the door. "Yeah, yeah. Stay safe."

WIth one last hug, Katy was running out the door and waving behind herself toward me. I shook my head and closed the door, heading back up toward my room. That was... "weird" and "surprising" just didn't seem to cover it well enough.

The only thing that could cover it well enough: I was happy for her. Really, really happy for her. Happy enough to not even question the fact that she'd called me her sister for the first time since she was in elementary school.

Then, of course, because I thought that my night couldn't get any stranger... it did.

- - -

Dear Tiger--

I'm no good at writing, guess I should start off with that. But then again, I'm no good at stuff like this in general. I wanted... I wanted to try again. One last time. Because, and I probably should've started with this from the beginning, you're worth it, Tiger. You're worth trying. You're worth risking getting rejected-- even for someone like me.

Movies make this look easy. And for a girl like you, it should be easy, and I'm sorry that I'm making this sound like torture. I just don't know where to go from here, you know?

I'm sorry. I already said it, but I wasn't sorry for the right reasons, and I get that now. I'm sorry for what happened with Kip, but I think we both know that she's the one who did that. So specifically, I'm sorry that I'm the sort of guy that would kiss a girl without checking first to make sure she's the right girl. I'm sorry that I made you think that I'm the sort of guy that would keep secrets from you-- but a little birdie told me that you know all the secrets now, too. I promise, I wanted to tell you. I really did. I knew that you thought that I was hiding you, but I wasn't, Tiger. You're fucking... beautiful. You're amazing. You're perfect. I'm pretty sure if I tried to hide you, you'd just shine through, anyway.

I'm sorry that I never fucking got it, and I'm sorry it took me this long to admit it: I broke your heart. But I understand now that I didn't just break it once. It wasn't just with Kip (and I'm sorry, by the way, that I was so pissed at you for being mad at me when you knew Kip started that). It was with every girl that I chose over you, all the way back to the damn waitress that first night I took you out to dinner. I'm so sorry that I fucked up back then when I couldn't get how you were different from every other girl I've ever been with-- but I'm even more sorry that, after I realized that you were different, I still couldn't really understand that you were different, you know? You don't like clubs. You don't like being around people. I get that now, Tiger. I should've gotten that a long time ago. I'm sorry that I tried to treat you like every other girl, because the fact of the matter is, you're not. You're not the Barbie doll girls that I spent so much time chasing just because chasing them was fun. You're not the party chicks I used to hook up with. You're not the club hoppers that I used to bounce around with because drinks are cheap and drugs are cheap and they were cheap, too. You're not any of the other girls I've ever met in my life.

You're beautiful; not beautiful like magazine models, you're beautiful like the sort of girls that people write poetry about, people paint portraits of, people spend the rest of their lives trying to capture in a song. You're the sort of girl that deserves culture and refinement, but not the sort of culture and refinement people want now. You deserve beautiful backwoods cafes, twenty dollar cakes out on moonlit lakes, flowers in the middle of the night, dances on rooftops, days on a private beach with nothing but the sunsetting to darken your view, and every scene ever made in cheesy romance movies from every film era. You deserve the world on a silver platter, free of all the bullshit that you've spent your entire life putting up with. I can say for damn sure that you never deserved all the shit you've been through, even though all that shit has made you into the amazing, frustrating, perfect creature you are now-- the amazing, frustrating, perfect creature that I wouldn't change for anything in the entire world. You're confusing as fuck. You're so strong that I forget how easy it is to break you. You're the girl that I knocked out my crazy, creepy father for, and you're the girl that held me when I cried like a little bitch because of it. You're the girl that constantly got fucked with because of me, and even though you're the girl that bitched me out for it every single time, you're the girl that never, ever told me the hateful, horrible things I know you couldn't came up with. You told me some terrible stuff, Tiger, but I know you could've done worse. I know you were holding back. And you know what? That hateful, horrible stuff you didn't tell me was probably all stuff I've heard before. I'm only glad that you never said it because, if you had said it, it only would have hurt because it was from you.

And I'm sorry for not just typing this out. You probably can't really read it. Heh, if you give me a call, I could totally help you out and read it to you. But that was a lame shot. And I was doing so well, too. Well, I should probably wrap this up, right? How long are these things usually, anyway? Anyway, I wanted to say... if there's anything that you get out of this letter... I love you, Tiger. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, and I think I'll love you more than anyone I'll ever meet, for the rest of my life. And I totally understand if you never want to see me again. I totally understand if you spend the rest of your life hating me. But I wanted you to know that I want you to be happy. If it's with Tyler, then it's with Tyler, if it's with some other asshole I'll never meet, then it's with some other random asshole I'll never meet, if it's with no one, then it's with no one. But I want you to be happy, because that's what you deserve. You deserve it more than anyone else I've ever met. And I never thought that I'd say this, but you deserve to be happy more than I do-- which is why it's okay if you being happy means me being gone. It breaks my heart, but it's okay. And I want you to know that it's okay because it's not my heart anymore-- it's yours. Bust it up all you want, it's yours, Tiger. Wherever life takes us. Whenever we see each other again. Whatever happens to either of us-- especially whatever happens to me, wherever I end up, whoever I end up with-- don't doubt it, Tiger. My heart. My love. Everything that I am that I wish I could change for you. It's all yours.

-- Tandem.