I'm Not OKay because You Don't Love Me.

“Gerard,” I groaned, my face in my hands.

“It can’t be right,” Frank muttered. “There has to of been a mistake.”

“I don’t think so Frankie,” Bob replied. "He looked too damn sure," The door opened again and another doctor walked in.

“Are you here with Gerard Way?” he asked, looking around.

“Y-yes,” I said, standing up quickly. “Tell me he’s not dead.”

“Why would you believe he is?” the man asked, looking confused.

“Someone just came in here and told us he was.” Ray said, looking confused.

“Mr. Way survived,” the doctor said. “The person must of gotten the wrong room by mistake.”

“Gerard’s alive?” I asked, not caring about the mix up. The doctor nodded.

“He was very lucky, but I’m certain he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Thank you so much,” I said as Frank and Bob cheered. “Can we go see him?”

“Absolutely,” he replied. “He should be awake as well.”

“Thank you again,” I said, shaking his hand. He told us the room Gerard was in and how to get there. When we reached the door, I knocked lightly and walked in. He was looking toward the door, confused on who was here. I saw the surprise and anger in his eyes when he saw it was me.

“I understand surprise, but anger I don’t get.” I said, sitting on a chair next to him. He didn’t say anything. He just turned his head the other way, looking out the window. “Gerard, what’s wrong?” I tried again.

“Why the hell did you save me?” he asked, still not looking at me. “I wanted to die.”

“Gerard..” I started, but the look he gave me stopped anything I had to say. Hatred was filling every bit of his face.

“Get the hell out of here Michael.” Gerard mumbled, pressing the nurse’s call button. When a nurse walked in, he looked up at her. “I don’t want visitors,” he said. “Absolutely no one is to come in here unless it’s a nurse or doctor.” The nurse nodded and looked down to me.

“Before I go,” I said as Gerard turned his face away from me again. “I wouldn’t look at me either you fucking bastard.” I snapped. “Before I leave though, what I said earlier, forget about it. You want to lose everything, fine, fucking lose it all. You want to kill yourself, be my fucking guest, but one thing remains the same Gerard Arthur Way, you’re still my brother, and I’ll always love you, just because you messed up once doesn’t mean a damn thing, but losing your wife is one thing, losing your brother is something completely different. Don’t come crying to me anymore Gerard, I’m done with it all.” I turned and stormed out of the room. The others, who had waited outside for me, stared as I approached them.

“Forget about seeing him,” I grumbled. “He doesn’t want visitors. He wants to fucking kill himself, go a head and do it. He doesn’t need us, we don’t need him.”

“Wait Mikey,” Bob said, grabbing my arm. “What the hell happened?”

“I’m not talking about him anymore, I don’t even want to think about him anymore.” I said, shaking my arm free from Bob’s hand. A sudden urge hit me.

“Take me home,” I told Frank, who has been driving us all. He nodded and we left the hospital. The ride to my house was silent. I watched as trees and houses whooshed by in a blur. When we got to my house, I got out and walked inside, watching until Frank took off to take the others home. As soon as he disappeared, I grabbed my car keys and headed back out, driving to a familiar neighborhood, but one I haven’t been in for years. Since Gerard had eloped with his ex-wife. I pulled into the house, looking up at the all too familiar house and cars. I got out and walked up to the door, taking a deep breath before knocking.

The door opened, and I stared at the man standing in front of me. He stared back before reaching to shut the door. I stopped him with my hand.

“What the hell are you doing here Michael?” Donald asked, looking staring at me.

“To inform you your oldest son nearly died today.” I replied.

“He what?” he asked. He pulled me inside the house. “What the hell happened?”

“He tried to kill himself, because he feels since you and Mom refused to talk to him after he eloped that he doesn’t have anything or anyone anymore.”

“Oh, if it was just that,” Donald replied, walking into the kitchen.

“’Just that?’” I repeated. “Dad, he’s fucking depressed and suicidal because his marriage ended, and the last thing you and mom has ever said to him was that he was no longer your son.”

“He got rid of the bitch?” Donald asked, looking up shocked.

“No, the bitch got rid of him.” I said. “Do you know where the hell he’s living right now? In the fucking Hills with only 4 things in his possession, a couch, a television, a picture of Grandma Elena, and a bottle of booze. That’s it, oh, and your old straight razor that you threw at him when you kicked him out.”

“What the hell do you want me to do Michael?” Donald asked suddenly. “Admit I miss my son and I never wanted our family to end up like this? Well fine, it’s true. I want my sons back. I want us to be the family we were before all this, but I know it’s not going to happen.”

Gerard’s still in the hospital.” I said. “He kicked me out off his room because he doesn’t want attachments with anyone again, because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. He didn’t tell me that straight out, but I can tell he was feeling it.”

“There’s nothing we can do,” Donald replied, his voice making his choice sound final. I stared at him in disbelief.

“Fine, if you feel that way,” I said. “I’ll call you when I find him dead on the floor.” I turned just as the front door opened and my mother walked in.

“Mikey,” she said, surprise in her eyes.

“I’m leaving, and don’t expect to hear from me until I call to tell you Gerard’s dead.” I told her before she could say anything else.

“Wait, what?” she asked, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving. “What’s going on with your brother?”

“According to him, I’m not his brother anymore.” I informed her.

“You talked to him? When?” Mom asked, dropping her purse on the couch.

“Today,” I answered. “Just came here from seeing him actually.”

“How’s he doing? Is he okay?” Donna asked, concern showing in her eyes.

“You want to know, you go talk to him.” I said, turning to walk away again.

“Wait Mike, what did you mean by what you said?”

“He tried to kill himself Donna,” Donald answered her. “I guess he feels like he has nothing left, so he’s trying to end his life.”

“Oh, act like you don’t give a damn if he lives or not!” I shouted. “He’s your first born son Donald!”

“Don’t talk to your father like that Michael.” Donna snapped at me. “Of course he cares..”

“No, I don’t.” Donald replied. “What the hell has his ass ever done for us? He lied, he ignored us. He married some bimbo in Vegas even though we all warned him against her. He brought all of this onto himself.”

“He did a lot of stuff yes, but no one fucking deserves to die because of their mistakes. What mistakes have you made?”

“Having Gerard, and now I’m staring to think having you was a mistake as well.”

“You know what, I don’t give a damn what you think of me. I know Gerard doesn’t care, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you say a human deserves to die for his mistakes.” I pushed past my mother and walked out of the house, letting the front door slam as I left.