I Want to Stop Giving You My Love

I mentally groan as tears prick my eyes, threatening to spill over. I ruffled my shirt up in my hands and tried to breathe in calmly. Trying to find some sort of comfort.

It was helpless.

My shirt smelled like his nameless cologne, I buried my head deeper into my pillow. Trying desperately to not cry. His scent was every, on my clothes, in my hair, even in my pants for crying out loud! Literally. I was wearing his boxers...

It was worthless. I was bawling like a baby before I could barely finish the thought. I could feel the light rustle against my bunk curtain and I didn't dare look up.

I didn't give a flying fuck who was outside of the thin cotton that dangled.

I wiped away my tears and sniffled before pulling my covers up, trying to cover my head. I wanted to twist Amanda's neck and laugh proudly as she lay dead...

Whoah, that's harsh..

But, of course, I wouldn't dare do that.. I'm Kyle Fucking Burns. The Peacemaker. Slightly hippie. I've never been in a real, serious fist fight. I've never truly, actually been angry enough. Sure, I've been upset, but I've never took it out on somebody. That just isn't me.

The curtain was yanked back and I heard gasps and whispers erupt soon after.

If I had to guess I think they would have noticed my devilish grin and the tear stained face..

"Kyle what happened to you?" Caleb whispered, in horror.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

Kent and Austin walked off, saying something along the lines of, "We'll let you two talk,"

I merely shrugged as the words fell, nothing else added. The door clicked shut, signaling they vanished outside.

"Nothing, Do you expect me to believe that? I'm your best friend, I deserve a better explanation,"

I sighed and stayed quiet before rolling over completely.

"You want a better explanation? Alright, I fucked Oli and this morning everything was fine, But he blowed me off to go spend time with his girlfriend, Amanda-" He cut me off.

"Kyle that's-" I cut him off.

"I'm not finished, Bur before he left, He told me he was close to loving me," I mumbled. "Caleb what do I do?"

"What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you! I want to hate him but I love him at the same time!"

"Your confused.."

"You don't say?" I said sarcastically.

He ignored my childish remark and pulled me off the bed. "Come outside and chill with us,"

"Who's out side?" I ask, perplexed, my eyebrow raised.

"You know... The guys.." He trailed off.

"Oli is out their.. Isn't he?" I ask, completely obvious.

"And if he is?" He challenged.

"I'm gonna burst into tears and cause a scene,"

"Seriously?"

"Maybe.."

He sighed and flung his arm out and grabbed me, yanking me down the steps. I pressed my foot down and tried to keep from moving.

"Kyle, Stop it," He muttered, shoving me.

I furrowed me eyebrows as a big grin took over my features. I lightly pushed him jokingly and he gasped, and lost his balance. He grabbed onto the door that happen to fly open at the time and glared at me.

"Dammit Kyle, Grow up," He spat.

"Caleb I'm sor-" He cut me off.

"Talk to me when you grow up, This is why no one likes you," He snapped, storming off.

My bottom lip trembled as tears started to prick my eyes, I rubbed them and sat on the steps of the bus, and sighed.

I screwed up.. Again.

I watched Caleb's figure walk off, joining the guys of The Maine, they walked off laughing.. He didn't even glance back...

I think I just lost my best friend..

I heard footsteps approaching and I looked up in time to get smacked on the back. I glowered at John's laughing form.

I turned the other head in annoyance and rested my head in the palms of my hands. John slowly stopped laughing and everything seemed to go silent.

"You know what you need," He began.

"I'm not doing drugs," I replied, monotone.

"I wasn't gonna say dru-" I cut him off.

"Heroine is a drug too,"

"Dammit Kyle, Shut up," He laughed, "I was gonna say, You should clean up your shit and move on,"

My mouth fell open and I just sat their.. My mouth hanging open, eyes wide. Looking at him with pure amazement.

"M-move- Move on?" I choked out, not in despair, but dis-belief and anger. "How dare you mention that!" I exploded.

Confusion washed over his features and he stayed quiet, letting me continue.

"I have been through hell and back to give up now! I am not gonna quit now and let Amanda get her filthy paws all over my Oliver! It's the unthinkable decision! I don't know what do, I wallow in self pity and practically lose a best friend, I fuck him and leave within ten minutes when I wake up cause his girlfriend is there!" I ranted, I pushed my hair back and sighed when I realized more people were around..

They were quiet as I became more emotional, maybe hysterical. Four slender arms suddenly appeared around my shoulder, trying to calm me down.

"Ssh, Kyle it's gonna be alright," Cassidee Pope whispered.

"Yeah, everything will work out," Vicky Asher from Cobra Starship agreed.

Someone patted my knee and I looked up, meeting eye to eye with Gabe Saporta.

"Hey Gabe," My voice came out husky.

"We haven't talked in awhile.. But, I heard about you and Oliver, If your really truly that important to him, and the same for you, you two will make the right decision,"

And just like that, he left. Everyone wondered off, some whispering and some even had confused faces. Maybe our affair was more of.. a secret than we thought...

I learned something today.

Gabe Saporta was a wise mine with unknown, hidden knowledge.

He left me with advice that I knew was true, deep down. It's just.. For me to believe it, someone had to point it out and tell me..