Baby, I'm A Dreamer For Sure

Friday night came around and it had been exactly 32 hours since I last talked to Alex. I had thought of calling him again after yesterday’s events at school but I just couldn’t bring myself to, I honestly didn’t know what to tell him.

Instead I had called Sophie and she said he was locked up in his room and playing loud music. I thought I would give him some time to cool off and then I’d talk to him tonight. But I was worried and hurt more than words could describe.

“I’m actually pretty nervous.” I admitted to Sophie, Hannah and Kara as we stood in line to get into the venue the guys were playing at.

“To see Alex or what?” Sophie asked.

“Yeah, well that too, but this is my first show. I’ve never been to a concert before.”

“Really? Oh you’re going to love it. And the guys are amazing.” Kara told me with a big smile.

“I’ve never actually heard them play before. I mean, Alex has played some stuff acoustic to me, but I’ve never heard the whole band.”

When it came our turn to go in, we showed the security guard our tickets and he let us in. We could have gotten free tickets since the bands were allowed to give out those, but we had bought them instead, wanting to support them cause we knew the money would be much needed for when the would go on their first tour.

There were a few people in the venue already but we still managed to get good spots in the front but a little to the left. I was starting to get excited by now. We waited there for the first band to come out. There were three or four bands that were playing tonight but I didn’t know who the others were.

The first band came out and they were pretty good. I can say that almost my whole music taste had changed since I started dating Alex. He had a huge influence on me, and now I listened to almost everything he listened to. But I still had my favorite band Oasis, though Alex didn’t like them very much.

“I really like this band.” Sophie yelled in my ear. “Alex got me into them.”

“Yeah, I like them too, though I’ve never heard them before.” I yelled back.

“The singer is so hot.” She gushed, making us both laugh, though I had to admit, he was pretty hot, but not as hot as Alex.

“We’re Every Avenue and thank you guys for coming out tonight!” The singer yelled into the microphone making the crowed scream, Sophie and I along with them. “This is our last song, before we let our friends in All Time Low take over the stage!” More screaming. “This song is called Where Were You!”

After they went off stage the crowed quieted down a bit, and we started talking. That band had really gotten me into the mood, now I couldn’t wait for Alex and the guys to come out. I was both nervous and excited to see them, but I knew they would be doing great.

“I’m totally going to make Alex introduce me to that singer later, did you see his tattoos?” Sophie asked me.

I laughed. “Yeah, they were pretty awesome. And you do that.”

She nodded her head in a dreamingly manner. “I mean, I’m so over jocks, and a rock star boyfriend would be pretty amazing, huh?”

“I know, me too. Why do think I picked your brother?” I joked, but my smile soon disappeared when I remembered we were sort of fighting right now.

I didn’t have time to think for very long, or make me loose my good mood cause the guys all ran out on stage, picking up their instruments and dived right into the first song.

Watching Alex on stage was amazing. He had a grin plastered on his face the entire time. It was easy to see how much he loved being up there and playing his music, the crowd loved it too. I loved it. I had only heard a few acoustic songs that Alex had played for me before but I absolutely loved it. And I felt so proud to be able to call him my boyfriend.

But that alone came with the guilt. I felt guilty for not telling him and in retrospect I would have, but I can’t change the past, as much as I wanted.

Through the whole set I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He was so amazing and I knew he would make it all the way. They were going to be big one day. All I could hope for right now, was that I would be there, experiencing it with him.

“So, you guys have been great tonight, and I’m sorry to say but we’ve only have one more song to play.” Alex spoke into the microphone. He strummed a few times on his guitar before chuckling, then turning serious. “This one’s kind of personal for me. I wrote it for my girlfriend.” My breathing stopped right there. “Who is here tonight.” He continued, his eyes scanning the crowd, probably looking for me, but I don’t think he saw me. “She’s supposed to be here tonight, at least.” He ran a hand through his hair as if he was nervous. “Anyway, this is my way of apologizing for being a dick and ignoring her for a day. Dreamer, this one’s for you.”

“I'm sitting here wishing for something that's missing
I'm waiting for you to tell me
that time keeps on passing
I'm hoping, I'm asking
to stand by your side
at least for tonight”

I had tears in my eyes, that I couldn’t stop from falling, when they started playing. I was glad he had used his nickname for me instead of my real name. No one but us would know it was me. It made it so much more personal.

“Let's follow through with this reckless dream
that's tearing me up inside
and all the time we've been so innocent”

I can’t believe he actually wrote a song about us. I was speechless. And really, I was the one who should be apologizing, not him.

“So don't you go I've got you where I want you
and I'm never letting go
hit the lights we'll be all right
tonight our dreams come true”

“He was so nervous about this.” Sophie whispered in my ear. Well not whispered exactly, she was loud enough for me to hear over the music but low enough for anyone else not to hear.

“Did you know about this?” I asked her. Why hadn’t she told me? She nodded with a smile on her lips. “Why was he nervous?”

“He was afraid you wouldn’t like it, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Is he kidding, how can I not like it, it’s amazing.” I said sincerely. But I mean, I would love anything he wrote to me. Really how could I not. Just having someone write a song about you in the first place is amazing, of course I would love it.

“Now lets take our chances
please give me your answer
it's all up to you so please take me away
we've waited for so long
I can't say it feels wrong to close my eyes
when all I see is you”

I turned my attention back to Alex and enjoyed the rest of the song, though it ended way to fast. There were still at least one more band to play but all I wanted to do was find Alex. I told that to Sophie, she wanted to stay and watch the rest of the show along with Hannah and Kara, so I pushed my way out of the crowd and went to look for the backstage rooms.

I found a corridor behind the scene and hoped I had come to the right place but there were no people here. I debated on whether I should knock on one of the doors or just wait here until someone I knew came out.

I didn’t have to wait long though, a door a little further down the hall opened. A guy walked out with a few CDs in his hand, I recognized him to be the singer in the band that played before All Time Low.

He looked up, surprised when he saw me standing there. “Hi.”

I smiled as I walked up to him. “Hey. I’m a little lost.” I confessed, hoping he could help me. If I remembered right, he said he was friends with All Time Low, so he would for sure know where they were right now.

“Let’s see if I can help you then.” He smiled and looked me up and down once before settling with my eyes. “I’m Dave.” He held out his hand for me to shake.

“In Every Avenue, right?” I asked, not knowing if I got the name right. I shook his hand and smiled back at him.

His face lit up as I mentioned his band. “Yeah, you liked the show?”

“Yeah, you guys were great, I really liked the last song, hmm, Where Were You? I’m Jessica.” Still a little unsure if I remembered correctly but seeing the excitement on his face made it pretty clear I had.

“Nice to meet you, Jessica. Have you heard us before?” He asked. I shook my head with a smile. I bit down on my lower lip, feeling a little ashamed. He laughed at me. “Tell you what, I will give you this, for free.” He held out one of the CDs he was holding. “It’s our EP, where, Where Were You, among a few other songs are on.”

An excited grin made its way onto my lips as I reached out for the CD. But he pulled it back out of my reach, before I could take it. I looked up at him in confusion.

“But, in return I want your phone number.” He said with a smirk before handing me the CD.

My smile disappeared and a blush covered my cheek as I realized he was hitting on me. I cleared my throat awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh,” I watched as his face fell. I felt guilty but I couldn’t please everyone, now could I?

Right then I felt an arm snake around my waist making me jump out of surprise. I looked up seeing Alex giving Dave a glare. “You’re hitting on my girl, Dave?” He asked a little hostile. I didn’t see the harm here, I had told him no. Alex had no reason to be mean to him.

Dave raised his hands innocently. “Sorry dude. Didn’t know she was your girl.”

“Well, now you know.” Alex’s grip on my waist tightened and an awkward silence filled the three of us.

“I’ll tell you what, Dave.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. “Give me your phone.” I held out my hand.

“What?” Alex asked looking at me. I looked into his eyes, seeing they were a little blood shot. That’s when I realized he was drunk. I rolled my eyes, had I really expected anything else. I turned back to Dave waiting for him to give me his phone.

He did, but looked a little skeptic about it. “Listen, I’m going to give you my friend’s number. Trust me, she’s better looking than me, and more fun to be around. And she will be more than willing to go out with you; she told me she thought you were hot. Give her a call, and if don’t want to go on a blind date, just ask her and Alex and I will tag along.”

He had a huge smile on his face as I gave the phone back to him. “Thanks, what’s her name?”

“Sophie, she’s Alex’s sister actually.” I said looking up at him. He smiled back at me, probably happy that Dave’s attention wasn’t on me anymore.

“Oh, you’re cool with this, man?” Dave asked Alex.

Alex shrugged, “Yeah, it’s cool. I know you’re a good guy, just don’t hurt her. Or at least don’t do it intentionally.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Wait, you said you were lost?” He asked me.

“I found him.” I smiled giving a nod in Alex’s direction.

“Yeah, so if you’ll excuse us…” Alex said beginning to drag me away.

“Sure, I’ll see you later, man, Jessica.”

“Bye,” I waved at him.

I let Alex lead me into an empty room and sat us both down on a sofa standing against a wall. Fingering on the CD I still got to keep, I looked down on the floor awkwardly. Last time I had seen him, he told me whatever, like he didn’t care. I knew I had to apologize though.

“I really liked the song.” I said looking up at him.

He was looking at me with an unreadable expression, but as soon as I said that, his face turned into a smile. “Yeah? I was hoping you would.”

“It was really sweet, Alex. Listen, I’m sorry.”

He sighed. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me. I mean, we would come to the point of doing it sometime, I would have appreciated if I had known I would be your first.”

I looked down at the floor in shame. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“And finding out like that! In the fucking school cafeteria, do you know how fucking stupid that made me feel?” He had raised his voice in anger.

I didn’t know what else to say, so I didn’t say anything. He rose up and started pacing back and forth in front of me.

“Not to mention that time we got so close to do it! You know, I was seriously angry with you for stopping us, had I known you were a virgin I would have been a lot more understanding.” He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before continuing, venting his anger. “I haven’t have sex in over four months now, I’ve never gone that long without before. I’m seriously sexually frustrated; I thought you were holding out on me.”

“Please, can we talk about this when you’re sober?” I pleaded as I wiped away a tear that fell down my face. It was a lot to soak in.

“No! I want to settle this right now.” He walked back to the couch and sat down, facing me. “Did…did you think I was going to break up with you?” He asked in a low voice.

I didn’t answer.

“Jessica! Why would you think that?”

“I-I don’t know.” I admitted, shamefully.

He sighed. “I…I don’t know what to say?” He shrugged. “Don’t you trust me?” He sounded almost hurt asking that.

“Of course I do, Alex! I… I love you.” There I said it, the truth was out. I had to tell him. I couldn’t loose him, not over something stupid I had done.

His face was that of shock, he just stared at me with wide eyes. I didn’t care if he loved me back anymore. I just wanted him to know.

“You do?” He whispered.

I looked deep into his eyes and licked my lips once. “I do.” I whispered back. “And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

He looked at me silently for a while before bringing his hands up to cup my cheeks. “Shh, I’m sorry for just running away yesterday and avoiding you for a whole day, I was just in shock, I thought for sure that you weren’t a virgin. And I’m sorry for being such a dick that night.”

“You’ve already apologized for that.” I smiled up at him.

He just shrugged. “Well, back then I didn’t mean it. I just did it so you wouldn’t be mad at me. But I really am sorry.”

I nodded, smiling slightly. “It’s okay.”

He slowly leaned in and brushed his lips up against mine. I brought my hands up to the back of his neck to hold him closer to me. I never wanted to let him go. I kissed him back with all I had, silently showing him I actually did love him.

We parted after a long kiss, but kept our foreheads leaned against each other, with our eyes closed. “I love you too.” He whispered.

I didn’t have time to respond or even let the words sink in, because just as he said those words his phone started ringing.

He pulled it out of his pocket and answered with a frustrated, “What?”

Due to it being so quiet in the room I could clearly hear Jack’s voice on the other end of the phone. “Where are you, dude?”

“I’m with Jessie, why?”

“Get you’re ass over to our dressing room now, the label guy’s here and he wants to talk to us!”

“I’ll be right there!” Alex hung up the phone and dragged me with him out of the room and towards their dressing room. “Common!” He ushered me excitedly. I laughed as I followed him, glad we had survived our first fight.