The Silence Will Set Her Free

I was curled into a fetal position on my bed, holding my knees to my chest, trying to keep all sounds away. Suffering from logophobia was one of the hardest things to go through. Just hearing someone speak could make me break out in a sweat. I knew it was irrational, but I couldn’t help it! Ever since I was little, hearing someone utter a word would send my heart racing and if someone tried to get me to talk, which they did often, I would have a full blown panic attack, much to their delight.

Luckily, I only suffered from verbal logophobia, so written words aren't a problem for me I can only imagine the torture I'd go through if I were both a verbal and written logophobe.

For those of you who don't know what logophobia is, it's the irrational fear of words, usually caused by being forced to learn to speak when you're younger. I have no idea if that's what happened to me, all I know is, I have it. My only forms of communication with the outside world are a notebook I keep with me at all times, texting, and sign language.

One of the worst parts of being logophobic, besides the fact that I can't listen to music or watch T.V., is the loneliness of it. I have almost no friends and everyone regards me as a freak. I only really have one friend, and that's Nikki. I’m not really sure why she’s friends with me to be completely honest. She’s a scene girl; she’s obsessed with music, which I can’t listen to, and because of my logophobia, we can only communicate by writing, which probably drives her insane because she loves to talk. Seriously, she sends me texts that are paragraphs long! But we’ve been best friends since kindergarten, when I wasn’t as severely logophobic as I am now, back then I was just mute, other people talking didn’t bother me at all.

Just then my mom knocked on my door, breaking me out of my thoughts, and signaling it was time for dinner. It was just me and my mom, after I couldn’t even hear other people talk, my dad decided it was just too much for him, so he left, bringing my older brother with him. My mom, being the caring person she was, learned sign language, then taught it to me so we would have some form of communication other than writing.

How was your day at school? she signed to me

Boring as hell, how about you? I replied

Don’t use that type of language with me, she scolded me, and it was pretty boring at work too my mom was a lawyer, for her everything but actual trials were boring. Do you have any homework?

Some, I started on it before dinner

After that we settled into a comfortable, well silence is the best way to put it I guess, even though it’s always quiet around here, that’s the norm around here.

I got up to put my plate away after I was done eating and while I was passing the table, my mom signed to me, Don’t forget to e-mail your English teacher that essay!

I won’t, I signed back while turning to walk away. Instead of enduring the torture, and for me I really do mean torture, that is school, I do all my assignments at home and communicate with my teachers by e-mail.

The second I was in the hallway, and out of my mom’s line of view I pulled out my full keyboard phone and texted Nikki Ugh I hate this!

What’s wrong? She texted back within 10 seconds

I can’t stand being stuck in this house with only my mom anymore!

OMG! I have a great idea!

What? I’ll try anything!

You should come to school with me! Besides, it might help you get over your logo-thingy.

I guess we could try it… I dunno, if my mom will let me though

Want me to talk to her for you?

Please?

Sure, I’ll be there in like 5 minutes

Thanks! Love you :D

I know, I know

:P

xD I put down my phone and realized that my hands were shaking from how scared I was. Hopefully mom would tell her it wasn’t a good idea. I can’t do this! I started to hyperventilate just thinking of all those people talking and then everything went black.

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The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a really uncomfortable bed, in an unfamiliar place. I looked to my left and saw a lot of machines and an I.V. sticking out of my arm, great, I was in a hospital, again.

I looked to my right and saw my mom there looking at me expectantly. What the hell happened to me? I asked her accusingly.

You had a panic attack, passed out and had a seizure. She seemed as if she was trying to be calm for my sake.

Oh my god. That was the worst one yet! I’d had plenty of panic attacks before and even fainted a couple of times, landing me in the hospital, but I’ve never had a seizure before!

Am I going to be alright? What did the doctor say? Do they know not to speak around me? I had so many questions but the others could wait, these were the most urgent

You should be fine she said you’d be okay and they all know about your logophobia. I noticed a weird look on her face, like she wasn’t telling me something.

What’s wrong?

Well, she hesitated, Dr. Milton wants to try and get you treated for your logophobia, she said that at this point, if it keeps escalating, you could slip into a coma or die! As it is you were asleep for three days…

WHAT? I WAS ASLEEP FOR THREE DAYS AND YOU DECIDE TO WAIT UNTIL NOW TO TELL ME? I was pissed! Not only was I asleep for three days, but this doctor wanted to try and cure me of my logophobia? This isn’t happening! I won’t let it! NO NO NO! By this time, I was shaking again and my mom had ran out of the room, probably to get a nurse or something, but I was too busy trying to get the I.V. out of my arm so I could leave this hell hole. My fingers were shaking too much though, so by the time I finally got it off, she was back with multiple nurses, one of which had a really big needle.

I love you my mom signed to me as my suddenly heavy lids drooped down on me and everything went black.