I Don't Even Know His Name...

Alex POV:

In the space of a few hours my relationship with Jack had completely broken down. I was left from being shoved away by Jack before he stormed out of the house. Fuck him I didn’t care right now, all I’m focused on is this song.

“Wow that was... intense,” Zack gulped pulling his jacket on.

“I think I better find him before he does something stupid,” he whispered quietly, anything to get out of this situation I thought, Rian nodded as he sprinted up the stairs and slamming the door behind him. What could he possibly do? I just want to listen to the song, and I don’t think that’s a crime, what was the up with that crazy speech from Jack anyway?

“Alex I really think you should leave it, I have to go help find Jack, who knows what he’s doing right now” Rian shook his head giving that all knowing look my way.

“Whatever just tell Jack I’ll be back later after I’ve listened to the CD, completely” I paused purposely after the word CD making it perfectly clear of my intentions. I know I’m being a total bitch but I deserve to listen to it, it’s my past and I shouldn’t be prevented from learning the truth. Pushing the small button on the radio it opened slowly. A long sigh followed I saw Rians eyes sadden looking right through me.

“Don’t shut him out Alex, he is the best damn thing you’ve ever had so don’t let him slip through your fingers” the words echoed around my head, Jack will get over it, I just need this so badly I need to remember who I am. And this had to be the key to my past. I nodded simply whilst pushing the disk inside. Rian slipped out of the room muttering under his breath something barely audible but I could make out the words “Just think about it” then the front door shut for the last time.

"Finally,” I scoffed pressing the multiple buttons on the player until finding the track I wanted. Laying back onto the cold concrete floor my eyes shut, sighing; finally I was left in peace. The feeling of nervous adrenaline pulsed through my veins from the possibility of the memories of this song. Who knows what I will remember.

Folding my hands behind my head comfortably the song began to play. Noticing immediately the melodic sound of an electric accompanied by my voice, definitely slower than usual. It was pretty different to the majority of our upbeat songs. Another thing I noticed was the emotion in my voice, it sounded kinda pained and poignant, it was a lot deeper in meaning. The meaning I didn’t quite know at the moment.

“Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye,
It could be for the last time and it’s not right”

The lyrics immediately confused me, last goodbyes? I know I moved from England awhile back so maybe it’s about that. But it felt like I was missing something, straining my ears harder so I could catch every word I settled back against the floor.

“Don’t let yourself get in over your head, he said,
Alone and far from home I’ll find you...”

For some reason an icy shiver spread across my spine racking my body, it felt intense, making me breathless for a second. This had to be more than moving to America it mentioned a guy. The familiar sound of sharp staccato electric riffs replaced the previous relaxed vibe. It accented each word I sang etching the lyrics deep into my brain.

“Sad like a candle you burnt out,
Spill the wax over the spaces, left in place of angry words,
Scream to be heard, like you needed anymore attention,
Throw the bottle, break the door and disappear...”

My body was thrown forward from a jolt of pain that surged its way across my back making me wince. I started to panic, this was the exact feeling I had at Jack’s house except this time I don’t have him to comfort me and it felt so much worse. Sharp edged images printed painfully in my head at an incredible speed. A tall boy, familiar brown eyes with a smile that could light up any town. He hugged me tightly, it changed, my mind spinning, my stomach lurching. I was rocking back and forth tugging at my hair, anything to distract from the searing pain.

I hear an argument loud and fuelled in frustration, smashes follow along with curses and regrets, but it’s too late now. Blood seeping under the bathroom door, alone I was home alone. Behind the door the boy is there his body sprawled over the unforgiving cold tiles. Angry slashes against pale skin. Scarlett against pallid white. Eyes rolled towards the heavens, lips sealed, no expression. Fingers entangled into the fabric of his shirt, no comfort was gained. He had fallen into the darkness of infinity.

“Stop, make it stop!” my shouts were like a whisper compared to the screams in my mind. Daniel, his name is Daniel, the ambulance it’s coming; it’s going to save him. Why is his body so cold? No he can’t leave me, I refused to let go. For the last time I laid beside him, arms wrapped weakly around the lifeless body, violent sobs echoed around me, he was dead, and I felt as if I was too. Nurses, doctors, crying, shouting, tears, pushing, falling, it was as if the images were on a constant loop, the speed getting faster and faster.

“Sing me to sleep,
I’ll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say,
I miss you I’m so sorry.

Forever’s never seemed so long,
As when you’re not around, it’s like a part of me is missing,
I could have learnt so much from you but what’s left now?
Don’t you realize you showed this family a world of pain?
Can’t you see this could have been a happy ending we let go?”

Tugging my hair harder everything was getting so loud. No matter how many times I blinked I could still see it where ever I looked. My mum slumped across the kitchen counter sobbing, dad hadn’t said a word in weeks. My heart was in pieces. That cold gravestone stood alone in front of us. I was knelt beside it tracing each and every engraved letter.

Each word cut deeper. Tears touched granite. Fingers touched soil. Daniel Gaskarth, beloved son, friend and brother, forever he will remain in our hearts. That can’t be. The word enlarged in my head. Gaskarth, Gaskarth, Gaskarth. I had a brother. My brother. I don’t even know him, I don’t know my own flesh and blood. And he’s gone. Forever.

“Sing me to sleep, (You’ve taken so much with you)
I’ll see you in my dreams, (But why you left the worst with me?)
Waiting to say, I miss you I’m so sorry,
I’m sorry, I’m sorry”

The raw emotion at the end of the song mirrored the choked howls that left me. Another spasm twisted inside me burning till it was unbearable. My body is quaking, the icy concrete beneath matched my own temperature. They were right I was wrong, so wrong. Never have I felt this much agony. The feeling dragged me deeper into unconsciousness as I begged silently for the only one who could save me now. Jack, please, don’t give up on me.