I Don't Even Know His Name...

My haven, the only safe place I had left now. The winds were unforgiving but a warm welcome none the less. It was my only company. I knew only one other who knew of this place and those memories had faded a long time ago. We would run from our parents late at night and watch the sun rise almost every day of the summer. Maybe even take a guitar a two down here as the acoustics were beyond amazing. Except no music filled this vicinity anymore. Pulling my knees up closer to my chest I breathed the dank air that surrounded me here.

The cold sensation of rain water trickled down the back of my t-shirt serving as a cold reminder of this place. It certainly wasn’t everyone’s ideal destination to escape the world but it was always my first choice. If people could see me right now they would think I was some crazy hobo squatting under a bridge because he had nowhere else to go. Well only part of that sentence was true. I’ve hidden under here so many times its ridiculous. Just beneath Thames Street, away from the hustle of the city. Perfect to think about things, clear your head and sometimes sort your life out. I needed all three right now.

My eyes looked up towards the lazy sun setting over the horizon casting shadows that sprawled across the town. The view was beautiful, but it didn’t settle me one bit. It only brought back memories I wanted to relive again and again but knowing he didn’t remember any of it destroyed me.

Not long ago we were barely 15. Both young and innocent but most of all curious. His eyes held a certain glint that night that I hadn’t witnessed before. To this day I don’t know what ran through our heads to say that this was a good idea. What can I say our hormones were on edge and so were my nerves.

“Jack please don’t hate me I just want to try this okay?” I frowned at the lanky boy sat on my lap, his fringe falling perfectly across his face. The way he gulped audibly made my mind wander aimlessly to what was going to happen. Until now when a calloused hand cupped my cheek, leaning in ever so slowly. How his eyes silently urged me on yet maintained that childlike fragility put me under his spell. With my hands holding his waist cautiously he bit his lip leaning into my touch both of us experiencing these unknown sensations for the first time. As the slanted rays of summer sun slid over our bodies he took the opportunity with a press of his lips.

Grabbing my phone from my pocket I sighed, it was furiously buzzing in my palm interrupting me and sending me back into harsh reality.

“What do you want Zack?” I was beyond caring about much right now, apart from one boy that was constantly on my mind.

“Me and Rian have been looking for you for an hour now, Rian is still out there but I come back to find Alex fucking unconscious in my basement! Where the hell are you?” Alex had fainted. I knew he couldn’t handle it. Why didn’t he listen to me? The fury boiled in my blood to the point in which I could hear in my ears. Dusting myself off I crawled out of the archway adjusting my shirt.

“I’m on my way” Hanging up the phone I sprinted up the bank and through the inner streets of Baltimore. Many stared or yelled at me for pushing past them, though it didn’t really register in my mind. The rest of the world didn’t matter anymore. Yet what killed me the most was no matter how livid I was with him, I couldn’t ever leave him. No matter what I couldn’t leave him, not when he needed me now more than ever. Cold alleyways and neon lights twisted into my vision blurring past me at blinding speeds. Not even the short breaths falling from my lungs stopped my pace; raw determination was all I needed.

Loud crashes of lightening and followings of clouds hung over the town, all seemed to fade in comparison to the voice embedded in my mind. By the time I had reached the familiar house ahead of me I hadn’t even noticed the wet sensation on my cheeks or how my fists clenched by my side. Slipping inside I found Zack bent over a small body on floor, his eyes painted in complete fear. He looked towards me desperately clinging to the limp form beside him. My gaze shifted towards the pained expression that hung on the pale boy. Alex.

The moment I saw him the anger melted away giving way to a deep sadness. Sighing I knelt beside him, Zack moving back slowly watching my every move, afraid of what I would do. He was always protective over everyone. As my hand moved to the side of his face, he saw my true intentions. With a tear that fell from my eyelashes and touched his lips delicately, I moved closer witnessing the true hurt in his eyes. Lowering my head gradually I pressed my lips to his. The striking sensations of cold and warmth merged together. At first there was no reaction making my heart stop with dread. However after a subdued sound and slight shiver the movement of lips mirrored my own. Alex pressed his body longingly against my own desperate for reassurance but I pulled away not long after staring deeply into the broken pools of anguish that looked back at me.

He was shaking like crazy and the way his breaths came out in long wheezes told me he was barely hanging on.

“J-jack, I’m so sorry” the vulnerability of him brought painful flashbacks of the day Daniel died. I had to relive it all over again. Scooping the shivering body up into my arms I walked towards the stair case only stopped by the voice behind me.

“Is he going to be okay Jack?” turning slightly to see the way his body tense with anxiety I sighed my answer hung in my throat. My mind was misted with melancholy.

“I don’t know anymore Zack” it was true just as I thought he was healing something else knocks him down. And I can’t stand to see him broken anymore, he didn’t deserve anymore pain. Alex’s arms wrapped weakly around my neck crying against my chest. Each step up the staircase burdened more and once outside the heavens finally opened. Whilst I settled his body in the back seat of my car he whimpered something that brought me back to that one summer day with force. The regret in his caramel eyes borrowed deep in me. “Please don’t hate me.”