I Don't Even Know His Name...

After the paramedics had arrived the events seemed to blur together. Like I was on auto-pilot, completely spaced out in disbelief. Some events stuck out, I refused to let go of him when they were trying to get him in the ambulance even though deep down I knew if I didn’t Alex wouldn’t make it. It just felt like if I let him go I might not be able to hold him again. But my grip faltered and they took full advantage of it by pulling his motionless body onto a stretcher. That was the first time I felt empty, as if part of me went with him, I was incomplete without him.

Sat there motionless I watched as the chaos commences around me, running, yelling. Yet the sounds around me distorted except for the one voice in the back of mind, two words repeating that I couldn’t avoid. He’s gone. My sombre trance broken only by a hand on my shoulder shaking me lightly.

“I think it’s best if you come with us, but you will need to inform someone on what’s happening here” I could tell the paramedic was concerned about me, who could blame him I probably looked like a zombie anyway. I could only nod in response and stumble after the guy eventually managing to sit in a vacant seat adjacent to Alex’s stretcher. Thankfully I wasn’t claustrophobic as at least four other paramedics piled into vehicle before slamming the doors shut and setting off down the road.

Taking the opportunity I grabbed my phone needing to hear Rians voice, he was the guy who I could always depend on. Dialling the number I prayed that somehow he would be awake at this time. To my relief the dial tone eventually stopped a raspy greeting filled my ears.

“Rian? Are you there?” A long sigh responded.

“Seriously Jack, its one in the fucking morning, what do you want?” Even though I was trying to keep myself calm it didn’t work, the tears freely falling down my cheek. Stifling a sob my hand gripped the phone tighter.

“Jack? What’s going on?” this time he sounded wide awake, he could always tell when something was wrong.

“Something has happened, me and Alex need you right now,” I whispered quietly surprised I could even mange to form an audible sentence right now. It didn’t help when I could hear Alex whimper in the background making the lump in my throat even harder to ignore.

“Where are you? I’ll be right there” Exhaling loudly feeling mildly better that Rian was going to be there I stated the location of the local hospital.

“Wait, hospital?” the fear evident in his voice.

“I’ll explain when you get here just please get here soon” Quickly pressing the end call button I took a minute to regain my composure before calling Zack. Inhaling and exhaling my breathing eventually evened out. My eyes were completely glued to Alex’s body; his breath was so laboured it scared the hell out of me. Before I could stop myself I reached out for his hand gently lacing our fingers together. Wishing I could tell if he was okay I was interrupted by Zack picking up the phone.

“Jack what the-“ God I know I prank call them a few times on tour but come on they should be more understanding right now.

“Zack I know what time it is but this is important” hearing the tone of my voice he immediately understood silently urging me on to explain.

“Look I can’t explain right now but I need you to come down to Dulany hospital as soon as you can” cursing slightly under my breath as my voice audibly cracked mid-sentence.

“Alright I’ll be there” sighing I was glad that at least the guys would be here for support. But what about Alex's parents, god I don't know how I could explain this to them. I would probably end up being completly hysterical throughout the conversation. Thankfully the same paramedic pulled me out of my thoughts.

“What is the patients name?” Gulping my gaze fell to my shoes.

“Alex Gaskarth, do you want his parent’s number? I’m not sure if I can handle telling them what happened” I shifted uncomfortably looking up, he nodded understandingly. After exchanging the number the whole vehicle grinded to an abrupt halt.

“Is it okay if you stayed in the waiting room? I’m afraid you can’t be with Alex beyond this point” My heart sank, this is it, this could be the last time I see him. Taking one last glance over his shaking frame my eyes brimmed with tears. Nodding I silently exited the ambulance holding on to the door for support.

It was only when I saw the stretcher being carted down the pavement and into the hospital complex when the stabbing pain hit me again. Falling to the floor the emptiness washed over me in unforgiving waves. The words tumbling from my mouth as violent sobs shook my body, they never sounded so true. He’s gone, Alex is gone.