Status: If you haven't already please read the authors note in Chapter 46, just want to clarify things with you guys :)

I Don't Even Know His Name...

Chapter 36: Break Your Little Heart

Alex’s POV:

For awhile I simply stared at the door in front of me unsure how to control the internal meltdown I was having. Knowing he was waiting was so unnerving; maybe I could just run away now. But I guess that would never solve anything, so sucking up the last of my courage I eased the door open.

Like I thought he was standing by the window in the far right of the room, a solemn frown reflecting in the pane of glass. He looked pretty tense too preoccupied with the outside world and his own thoughts to acknowledge my presence. Slowly taking a few cautious steps towards to him I cleared my throat lightly. At this he sighed softly.

“Its okay Alex, you can come over here.” I couldn’t help but notice the undertone of sadness that lingered in his voice as I stood beside him focusing my sight to the view outside the window. The air between us was filled with so many charged emotions it could probably spark a bomb if it was close enough. Yet no-one wanted to speak, not knowing what the other was going to say. I decided I should be the first to break the silence.

“Look, Dad I’m so-” He shifted uncomfortably before cutting me off abruptly.

“Don’t say it son, you have nothing to apologise for.” The words hung around me in a cloud of confusion; I wasn’t expecting him saying anything remotely like this.

“Wait, what? Then what was all that back at dinner?” My eyebrows furrowed at his previous words. He gripped the window ledge looking at me with a sense of mystified melancholy deep in his irises.

“I was mad, I will admit that, but it had nothing to do with you and Jacks relationship” He admitted somewhat nervously adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. Of course that came as a relief although it did nothing for the bewilderment that still settled inside of me. I edged a little closer my hands shoved themselves in my hoodie pockets in a desperate search of comfort.

“Then, why were you mad at me Dad? I thought you hated me.” I whispered softly as the scared little kid inside me made itself known. There was a flash of regret that overwhelmed him for a moment until he recovered.

“Alex, I could never hate you. I don’t want you to ever think that again.” He was stern and mildly upset but he soon returned to the calm outward appearance he put up earlier.

“But that’s beside the point, I was only upset that you didn’t tell me earlier about this.” I was surprised to see his eyes glint with fresh tears as he turned away choosing to stare out the window once more. It was hard seeing him so saddened by this, trying my best to swallow back the lump that was forming in my throat I shifted on the spot.

“I wish I could’ve, but do you know how scary it is telling your parents something like that? I was so afraid you shut me out again, and for a moment I thought you did.” The words kinda rolled off my tongue in one emotional rant and immediately I wanted to take them back because of the tear I saw travel down his cheek.

“Dad, I only want you to be proud of me, not ashamed.” I whispered my own eyes watering at the tension wedged between us.

“Why would I ever be ashamed of you Alex? I understand how difficult that was for you to admit. I was angry because I thought.” He paused rubbing his eyes with his sleeves, that was enough for my own cheeks to become saturated with warm tears.

“Thought what?” My voice broke slightly as he bit his lip. It took a few seconds until he continued his un-answered statement.

“I thought you didn’t trust me. I know it sounds ridiculous that I got so worked up about you not being honest with me, but in that one moment when you looked at me, I saw Daniel when he was your age.” I gasped lightly clasping my hand in front of my mouth to stop the sobs coming out at the mention of that one person I was trying to move on from. Dad wasn’t faring much better a small sniffle sounded beside me.

“I was fearful that my youngest son was going to end up the same way as him. He never told me anything when he was older deciding that he couldn’t trust me anymore. And that’s what hurts the most, if only we talked about things to the point where he felt comfortable admitting things to me, that maybe, what happened could have been stopped.” His voice was faint by the end of the sentence the raw emotion of his revelation seemed to get the better of the both of us.

He shut me out because he felt just as guilty of his death as I did. He was only mad because he was scared that history would repeat itself again, and judging by the hurt that was evident in his eyes, he couldn’t deal with losing another son. I wrapped my arms tightly around him sensing that we both needed this, I cried quietly.

“What happened was neither of our faults. Just know no matter what happens I always know you will always be here for me Dad, and that I love you. I won’t forget that.” To my surprise he pulled me towards him lovingly.

“I love you too son, just promise me you won’t keep anymore secrets from me. I pulled away rubbing my eyes with a slight chuckle. “I promise.”
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That was my last chapter as 15
BECAUSE TOMORROWS MY B-DAY!
Yep thats right and I am sooo excited :D
Bit of an emotional one but I liked it :)
My awesome commenters are: SugarRush; LipstikLullabies, Mentos and diet Coke, Lotte_music and EmoEnigma big hugs to you all
Comments would be a great b-day present *hint hint* ;) xXx