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Words I've Never Said
To My Brother
I haven't got the guts to tell you this to your face.
But some days I want to end it all.
I cry at night and push the blade deeper into my wrists.
The next day I act like everything is fine.
I smile even though im dying inside.
Im crying now as I write this.
I could just see you read this letter.
You'd die.
You would crumble.
Your so strong yet when it comes to me, Your love over powers your strength and I become a weakness.
I've only ever seen you cry a few times and each time it was my fault.
I never meant it when I said I hate you two years ago, That was the first time I saw you cry.
I could never hate you your my big brother.
I look up to you.
And I wish I could be as strong as you.
The second time I saw you cry wasn't that long ago, I told you I wasn't wanted, I should just run and never come back, you simply looked at me and let a tear fall.
Im sorry, i over reacted, you love me. Mum and Dad love me.
And the last time I saw you cry was when I was in that hospital bed.
You held my hand as I screamed, As I Begged you to stop all the pain.
At one point I begged you to kill me.
You wiped away my tears and told me everything would be okay.
You told me I would be able to walk.
That I wouldn't be paralysed.
And Here I am 6 months later walking with you beside me, helping me along.
But your getting closer to my secrets.
You saw that cut last week, didn't you?
You always stare at my wrists.
And ask me why I constanly wear long sleeved t-shirts.
You but me short sleeved ones all the time.
You chucked all the razors away.
You ask me constanly if im ok.
You ask me why I spend so much time in my bathroom doing nothing.
I wish so much that i could be as strong as you.
That I wouldnt have to get comfert from my blade.
That I didn't cry at night.
You called me heartless.
But I can't help it.
My Big brother I need you to understand I love you and Im sorry for hurting me and you like this.
Love from your baby sister
But some days I want to end it all.
I cry at night and push the blade deeper into my wrists.
The next day I act like everything is fine.
I smile even though im dying inside.
Im crying now as I write this.
I could just see you read this letter.
You'd die.
You would crumble.
Your so strong yet when it comes to me, Your love over powers your strength and I become a weakness.
I've only ever seen you cry a few times and each time it was my fault.
I never meant it when I said I hate you two years ago, That was the first time I saw you cry.
I could never hate you your my big brother.
I look up to you.
And I wish I could be as strong as you.
The second time I saw you cry wasn't that long ago, I told you I wasn't wanted, I should just run and never come back, you simply looked at me and let a tear fall.
Im sorry, i over reacted, you love me. Mum and Dad love me.
And the last time I saw you cry was when I was in that hospital bed.
You held my hand as I screamed, As I Begged you to stop all the pain.
At one point I begged you to kill me.
You wiped away my tears and told me everything would be okay.
You told me I would be able to walk.
That I wouldn't be paralysed.
And Here I am 6 months later walking with you beside me, helping me along.
But your getting closer to my secrets.
You saw that cut last week, didn't you?
You always stare at my wrists.
And ask me why I constanly wear long sleeved t-shirts.
You but me short sleeved ones all the time.
You chucked all the razors away.
You ask me constanly if im ok.
You ask me why I spend so much time in my bathroom doing nothing.
I wish so much that i could be as strong as you.
That I wouldnt have to get comfert from my blade.
That I didn't cry at night.
You called me heartless.
But I can't help it.
My Big brother I need you to understand I love you and Im sorry for hurting me and you like this.
Love from your baby sister