Crash Into My Arms

The rest of the school day dragged on and on like a motherfucker, and without Gerard to distract me in Math, I found myself once again staring out the window soaking up the bliss of the gloomy grey skies. I ignored the questions on my worksheet, and just proceeded to scribble little skulls around the borders.

I sighed; Fuck this shit.

I’d been given a sticker to put in my school diary that I had to get signed when I got home, to make sure my mother acknowledged I’d shown up to detention today. Mum didn’t even know I’d been issued a detention in the first place, so I knew I’d best prepare for a screaming match when I returned home from school….

***

I trudged through the mud created by another amazing rainy day towards my front door. I’d decided to get the stupid sticker signed as soon as I put my bag down, just get it over with, regardless of the consequences. I put my bag down on my bed, rummaging through until I found my school diary.

Mum’s bedroom door was locked, as I was unable to open it when I turned the handle, so I knocked. A few moments later, she opened the door, wearing her bathrobe, and I caught an unpleasant sight of Burke lying shirtless in his side of the bed, possibly naked under the covers.

“What do you want?” Mum asked.
“I was in detention this afternoon.”
She rolled her eyes.
“And I need you to sign this.” I explained, holding my diary out to her.
She rolled her eyes and took the pen I passed to her, quickly scribbling her signature onto the small sticker. “Now get out of my sight, I’m busy.” She said, passing my diary back to me.

She practically slammed her door shut, and I retreated to my room as she locked it. I sat on my bed for a few moments, contemplating what to do with the rest of my afternoon, when I realized I hadn’t been grounded or yelled at. A smile spread across my face as I realized I could go over to Gerard’s for the afternoon, after all I did want to check to see if he was alright.

I quickly changed out of my school shirt and blazer, leaving on my black jeans, and slipped on a black hoodie. No amount of detentions were going to stop me from wearing my black jeans to school, they could suck my non-existent penis for all I cared.

I grabbed my phone and left the house, jumping the fence into Gerard’s front yard. Donna was quick to answer the door once again, and let me in. Mikey was sitting in the lounge room, playing Ghostbusters on the PS3. He looked up when he saw me enter.

“Hey, Missy.”
“Hello, Mikey, playing a little Ghostbusters I see?” I smiled.
“Yeah, call me a nerd, but it passes the time.”
“Hey.” I held my hands up in defense. “Wasn’t judging.”
“I know you weren’t.” He smiled. “Gerard’s in his room.”
“Thanks, have fun.” I replied, and left the lounge room.

I could hear singing as I approached Gerard’s bedroom door, it wasn’t his voice, but a female’s voice. She sounded beautiful, but Gerard to listening to someone like that confused me, he’d come off as a metal head. Maybe my first impression hadn’t been quite correct.

“What the hell are you listening to?” I laughed as I opened the door and stepped into his room.
Gerard pressed the pause button on the video he was watching on his computer. “I have a surprise for you.” He smiled. “Sit.”

I sat down beside him, and he pushed play. The words spread across the screen in time with the song, layered over the top of the music video. It was almost like a karaoke video.

“Are you swimming upstream, in oceans of blue, do you feel like you’re sinking…”

“Are you sick of the rain, after all you’ve been through, well I know what you’re thinking…”

“When you can’t take it, you can make it, sometime soon I know you’ll see…”

“Cause when you’re in your darkest hour and all of the light just fades away, and when you’re like a single flower, whose colors have turned to shades of grey, well hang on, and be strong…”

He paused it.

“Wow.” I exhaled. “She’s so beautiful, and her voice is incredible, who is she?”
“Her name’s Delta Goodrem.” He said, pointing to the title above the video; Be Strong – Delta Goodrem. “She’s Australian.”
“I never knew they could sing that beautifully.”
“She truly is amazing, and she’s so grounded, probably as pure as people come.”
“She sounds like it, that voice is just… wow.”
“Anyways, that’s beside the point.” He said, picking up some sheets of paper that lay on his desk beside the computer. “Come with me.”

He got up, and I followed him out to the lounge room, where he sat down in front of the piano. He patted the spot next to him and I sat down beside him.

“I want you to learn this.” He passed a sheet of lyrics to me.
“What?”

But before I could get an answer out of him, he began to play. I was a little lost, having only heard the song once so far, and he noticed that, and began to sing.

“Are you swimming upstream, in oceans of blue, do you feel like you’re sinking.” He nodded to me, telling me to pick up on the next line.
I swallowed and began to sing. “Are you sick of the rain, after all you’ve been through, well I know what you’re thinking.”
He joined me on the next line, and we sang together. “When you can’t take it, you can make it, sometime soon I know you’ll see.”
I closed my eyes. “When you’re in your darkest hour and all of the light just fades away, and when you’re like a single flower, whose colors have turned to shades of grey, well hang on, whoa, and be strong.” I belted it out without holding back.

Gerard suddenly stopped playing.
I looked at him, and he giggled at me.

“What?!”
“You really let go there.” He smirked. “You didn’t even notice I stopped singing with you in the chorus.”
“What?!” I snapped.
“I wanted to see you let go, there’s a certain reason I told you I wanted you to learn this song, Miz.”

Did he just give me a nickname?

“You’re always so sad all the time; I want you to learn this song.” He passed me the sheet music. “Vocals and piano, so that you have a way to empower yourself.”
I pushed the sheet music away. “I’m hopeless with instruments.”
“You don’t try hard enough.” He shook the paper in front of me.
“What’s the point in trying? I fail at everything I try, so why bother?”
“Because you need to learn to not give up so easily.” He said sternly.
“Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice!” I snapped. “I’m not learning it!”

I got up from the stool and stormed out the front door.

“Miz!” Gerard called after me. “You’re really overreacting!”
I turned around and yelled at him. “Do I look like I give a shit?!”

I jumped the fence dividing our yards, walking up and hammering on the front door. My mother opened it and practically screamed at me.

“DON’T FUCKING HAMMER ON THE FUCKING DOOR LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE SHIT! GET THE FUCK IN YOUR ROOM, YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN FUCKING BE OUT OF THE HOUSE SINCE YOU HAD FUCKING DETENTION TODAY! AND NO FUCKING COMPUTER EITHER! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!”
“FUCK YOU!” I screamed, grabbing a small dog statue that sat atop the entertainment unit and throwing it at her. “I’VE HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT!”

I ran to my room and locked the door. She began hammering on it, but I just turned on my stereo and turned up the volume as loud as it would go.

“There goes my valentine again, soaked in red for what she said, and now she’s gone.”

“Oh my god have I done it again, there’s a pulse and its deafening, I can't help what I hear in my head, it's the switch that I flick.”

“Hand of blood, I don't wanna feel, my heart is breaking, hand of blood, I don't wanna see, my life is burning.”

I sat on my bed, rocking back and forth, pulling at my hair. I couldn’t fucking learn to play an instrument, playing music would only remind me of Dad, and that was just too painful. I screamed out in agony, not from physical pain, but emotional pain…